Candide is introduced as a simple and honest youth living in the Westphalian castle of the Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh.
The Baron’s social standing is established through humorous details about his castle’s windows and his wife’s substantial physical presence.
Master Pangloss teaches the family that everything in existence is created for the best possible end within the best of all worlds.
Pangloss illustrates his optimistic doctrine with absurd examples, such as the claim that noses were specifically designed for spectacles.
After witnessing Pangloss in a private encounter with a maid, Miss Cunegund is inspired to pursue her own scientific interests with Candide.
She retired greatly flurried, quite pensive and filled with the desire of knowledge, imagining that she might be a sufficing reason for young Candide, and he for her.
In the country of Westphalia, in the castle of the most noble Baron
of Thunder–ten–tronckh, lived a youth whom Nature had endowed witha most sweet disposition. His face was the true index of his mind. Hehad a solid judgment joined to the most unaffected simplicity; and
hence, I presume, he had his name of Candide. The old servants of the
house suspected him to have been the son of the Baron’s sister, by avery good sort of a gentleman of the neighborhood, whom that younglady refused to marry, because he could produce no more thanthreescore and eleven quarterings in his arms; the rest of thegenealogical tree belonging to the family having been lost through theinjuries of time.
The Baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, for
his castle had not only a gate, but even windows, and his great hall washung with tapestry. He used to hunt with his mastiffs and spanielsinstead of greyhounds; his groom served him for huntsman; and theparson of the parish officiated as his grand almoner. He was called “My
Lord” by all his people, and he never told a story but everyone laughed
at it.
My Lady Baroness, who weighed three hundred and fifty pounds,
consequently was a person of no small consideration; and then she didthe honors of the house with a dignity that commanded universalrespect. Her daughter was about seventeen years of age, fresh–colored,comely, plump, and desirable. The Baron’s son seemed to be a youth inevery respect worthy of the father he sprung from. Pangloss, thepreceptor, was the oracle of the family, and little Candide listened tohis instructions with all the simplicity natural to his age and disposition.
Master Pangloss taught the metaphysico–theologo–cosmolonig-
ology.He could prove to admiration that there is no effect without a
cause; and, that in this best of all possible worlds, the Baron’s castlewas the most magnificent of all castles, and My Lady the best of allpossible baronesses.
“It is demonstrable,” said he, “that things cannot be otherwise than
as they are; for as all things have been created for some end, they must
2V OLTAIRE
necessarily be created for the best end. Observe, for instance, the nose
is formed for spectacles, therefore we wear spectacles. The legs arevisibly designed for stockings, accordingly we wear stockings. Stoneswere made to be hewn and to construct castles, therefore My Lord has amagnificent castle; for the greatest baron in the province ought to be
the best lodged. Swine were intended to be eaten, therefore we eat pork
all the year round: and they, who assert that everything is right, do notexpress themselves correctly; they should say that everything is best.”
Candide listened attentively and believed implicitly, for he thought
Miss Cunegund excessively handsome, though he never had thecourage to tell her so. He concluded that next to the happiness of beingBaron of Thunder–ten–tronckh, the next was that of being MissCunegund, the next that of seeing her every day, and the last that ofhearing the doctrine of Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher of thewhole province, and consequently of the whole world.
One day when Miss Cunegund went to take a walk in a little
neighboring wood which was called a park, she saw, through the
bushes, the sage Doctor Pangloss giving a lecture in experimental
philosophy to her mother’s chambermaid, a little brown wench, verypretty, and very tractable. As Miss Cunegund had a great dispositionfor the sciences, she observed with the utmost attention the experimentswhich were repeated before her eyes; she perfectly well understood theforce of the doctor’s reasoning upon causes and effects. She retiredgreatly flurried, quite pensive and filled with the desire of knowledge,imagining that she might be a sufficing reason for young Candide, andhe for her.
On her way back she happened to meet the young man; she
blushed, he blushed also; she wished him a good morning in a flattering
tone, he returned the salute, without knowing what he said.
Banished from Paradise
Cunegund and Candide attempt to experiment with cause and effect, leading to their discovery by the Baron.
Candide is violently expelled from the castle, forcing him to face the brutal cold and hunger of the outside world.
Two Prussian-style recruiters trick the naive Candide into joining the Bulgarian army by appealing to his height and character.
By drinking a simple toast to the Bulgarian King, Candide unknowingly commits himself to military service and is immediately taken away in chains.
The Baron chanced to come by; he beheld the cause and effect, and, without hesitation, saluted Candide with some notable kicks on the breech and drove him out of doors.
ention the experimentswhich were repeated before her eyes; she perfectly well understood theforce of the doctor’s reasoning upon causes and effects. She retiredgreatly flurried, quite pensive and filled with the desire of knowledge,imagining that she might be a sufficing reason for young Candide, andhe for her.
On her way back she happened to meet the young man; she
blushed, he blushed also; she wished him a good morning in a flattering
tone, he returned the salute, without knowing what he said. The next
day, as they were rising from dinner, Cunegund and Candide slippedbehind the screen. The miss dropped her handkerchief, the young manpicked it up. She innocently took hold of his hand, and he as innocentlykissed hers with a warmth, a sensibility, a grace–all very particular;their lips met; their eyes sparkled; their knees trembled; their handsstrayed. The Baron chanced to come by; he beheld the cause and effect,and, without hesitation, saluted Candide with some notable kicks on thebreech and drove him out of doors. The lovely Miss Cune gund fainted
away, and, as soon as she came to herself, the Baroness boxed her ears.Thus a general consternation was spread over this most magnificentand most agreeable of all possible castles.
3CHAPTER 2
What Befell Candide among the Bulgarians
Candide, thus driven out of this terrestrial paradise, rambled a long
time without knowing where he went; sometimes he raised his eyes, allbedewed with tears, towards heaven, and sometimes he cast amelancholy look towards the magnificent castle, where dwelt the fairestof young baronesses. He laid himself down to sleep in a furrow,
heartbroken, and supperless. The snow fell in great flakes, and, in the
morning when he awoke, he was almost frozen to death; however, hemade shift to crawl to the next town, which was called Wald–berghoff-trarbkdikdorff, without a penny in his pocket, and half dead withhunger and fatigue. He took up his stand at the door of an inn. He hadnot been long there before two men dressed in blue fixed their eyessteadfastly upon him.
“Faith, comrade,” said one of them to the other, “yonder is a well
made young fellow and of the right size.” Upon which they made up toCandide and with the greatest civility and politeness invited him to dinewith them.
“Gentlemen,” replied Candide, with a most engaging modesty, you
do me much honor, but upon my word I have no money.”
“Money, sir!” said one of the blues to him, “young persons of your
appearance and merit never pay anything; why, are not you five feetfive inches high?”
“Yes, gentlemen, that is really my size,” replied he, with a low
bow.
“Come then, sir, sit down along with us; we will not only pay your
reckoning, but will never suffer such a clever young fellow as you towant money. Men were born to assist one another.”
“You are perfectly right, gentlemen,” said Candide, “this is
precisely the doctrine of Master Pangloss; and I am convinced that
everything is for the best.”
His generous companions next entreated him to accept of a few
crowns, which he readily complied with, at the same time offering themhis note for the payment, which they refused, and sat down to table.
“Have you not a great affection for –”“O yes! I have a great affection for the lovely Miss Cunegund.”
4V OLTAIRE
“Maybe so,” replied one of the blues, “but that is not the
question!We ask you whether you have not a great affection for theKing of the Bulgarians?”
“For the King of the Bulgarians?” said Candide. “Oh, Lord! not at
all, why I never saw him in my life.”
“Is it possible? Oh, he is a most charming king! Come, we must
drink his health.”
“With all my heart, gentlemen,” said Candide, and off he tossed his
glass.
“Bravo!” cried the blues; “you are now the support, the defender,
the hero of the Bulgarians; your fortune is made; you are in the highroad to glory.”
So saying, they handcuffed him, and carried him away to the
regiment.
Forced Service and Heroic Butchery
Candide is deceptively conscripted into the Bulgarian army after being tricked into drinking a toast to the king.
He undergoes brutal military discipline, enduring frequent beatings that are satirically presented as the making of a hero.
Believing in the innate human right to move freely, Candide is captured as a deserter and forced to choose between execution and a lethal gauntlet.
The King of the Bulgarians grants Candide a pardon, recognizing him as an ignorant metaphysician rather than a criminal.
A catastrophic battle ensues, resulting in the heroic butchery of thirty thousand men while both sides celebrate with religious hymns.
Horrified by the carnage, Candide resolves to escape the war and seek logical answers for human suffering elsewhere.
Candide trembled like a philosopher, and concealed himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.
f the Bulgarians?”
“For the King of the Bulgarians?” said Candide. “Oh, Lord! not at
all, why I never saw him in my life.”
“Is it possible? Oh, he is a most charming king! Come, we must
drink his health.”
“With all my heart, gentlemen,” said Candide, and off he tossed his
glass.
“Bravo!” cried the blues; “you are now the support, the defender,
the hero of the Bulgarians; your fortune is made; you are in the highroad to glory.”
So saying, they handcuffed him, and carried him away to the
regiment. There he was made to wheel about to the right, to the left, todraw his rammer, to return his rammer, to present, to fire, to march, andthey gave him thirty blows with a cane; the next day he performed hisexercise a little better, and they gave him but twenty; the day following
he came off with ten, and was looked upon as a young fellow of
surprising genius by all his comrades.
Candide was struck with amazement, and could not for the soul of
him conceive how he came to be a hero. One fine spring morning, hetook it into his head to take a walk, and he marched straight forward,conceiving it to be a privilege of the human species, as well as of thebrute creation, to make use of their legs how and when they pleased. Hehad not gone above two leagues when he was overtaken by four otherheroes, six feet high, who bound him neck and heels, and carried him toa dungeon. A courtmartial sat upon him, and he was asked which heliked better, to run the gauntlet six and thirty times through the whole
regiment, or to have his brains blown out with a dozen musket–balls?
In vain did he remonstrate to them that the human will is free, and
that he chose neither; they obliged him to make a choice, and hedetermined, in virtue of that divine gift called free will, to run thegauntlet six and thirty times.
He had gone through his discipline twice, and the regiment being
composed of 2,000 men, they composed for him exactly 4,000 strokes,which laid bare all his muscles and nerves from the nape of his neck tohis stern. As they were preparing to make him set out the third time ouryoung hero, unable to support it any longer, begged as a favor that theywould be so obliging as to shoot him through the head; the favor beinggranted, a bandage was tied over his eyes, and he was made to kneel
down.
At that very instant, His Bulgarian Majesty happening to pass by
made a stop, and inquired into the delinquent’s crime, and being a
Candide 5
prince of great penetration, he found, from what he heard of Candide,
that he was a young metaphysician, entirely ignorant of the world; andtherefore, out of his great clemency, he condescended to pardon him,for which his name will be celebrated in every journal, and in everyage. A skillful surgeon made a cure of the flagellated Candide in three
weeks by means of emollient unguents prescribed by Dioscorides. His
sores were now skimmed over and he was able to march, when theKing of the Bulgarians gave battle to the King of the Abares.
6CHAPTER 3
How Candide Escaped from the Bulgarians and What
Befell Him Afterward
Never was anything so gallant, so well accoutred, so brilliant, and
so finely disposed as the two armies. The trumpets, fifes, hautboys,drums, and cannon made such harmony as never was heard in Hellitself. The entertainment began by a discharge of cannon, which, in the
twinkling of an eye, laid flat about 6,000 men on each side. The musket
bullets swept away, out of the best of all possible worlds, nine or tenthousand scoundrels that infested its surface. The bayonet was next thesufficient reason of the deaths of several thousands. The whole mightamount to thirty thousand souls. Candide trembled like a philosopher,and concealed himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.
At length, while the two kings were causing Te Deums to be sung
in their camps, Candide took a resolution to go and reason somewhereelse upon causes and effects.
War and Religious Zeal
Candide witnesses the grotesque carnage and "heroic butchery" of a war between the Bulgarians and Abares that leaves thirty thousand dead.
The text illustrates the horrific impact of war on civilian populations, including the systematic destruction of villages and the brutalization of the innocent.
In Holland, Candide encounters religious hypocrisy when an orator preaching about charity refuses to help him because Candide remains neutral on the status of the Pope.
The narrative satirizes philosophical optimism as Candide attempts to justify his starvation and misery as being part of a world "arranged for the best."
Genuine humanity is finally found in James the Anabaptist, who provides Candide with food, money, and work without requiring theological conformity.
Candide trembled like a philosopher, and concealed himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.
t away, out of the best of all possible worlds, nine or tenthousand scoundrels that infested its surface. The bayonet was next thesufficient reason of the deaths of several thousands. The whole mightamount to thirty thousand souls. Candide trembled like a philosopher,and concealed himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.
At length, while the two kings were causing Te Deums to be sung
in their camps, Candide took a resolution to go and reason somewhereelse upon causes and effects. After passing over heaps of dead or dyingmen, the first place he came to was a neighboring village, in theAbarian territories, which had been burned to the ground by theBulgarians, agreeably to the laws of war. Here lay a number of old men
covered with wounds, who beheld their wives dying with their throats
cut, and hugging their children to their breasts, all stained with blood.There several young virgins, whose bodies had been ripped open, afterthey had satisfied the natural necess ities of the Bulgarian heroes,
breathed their last; while others, half–burned in the flames, begged tobe dispatched out of the world. The ground about them was coveredwith the brains, arms, and legs of dead men.
Candide made all the haste he could to another village, which
belonged to the Bulgarians, and there he found the heroic Abares hadenacted the same tragedy. Thence continuing to walk over palpitatinglimbs, or through ruined buildings, at length he arrived beyond the
theater of war, with a little provision in his budget, and Miss
Cunegund’s image in his heart. When he arrived in Holland hisprovision failed him; but having heard that the inhabitants of thatcountry were all rich and Christians, he made himself sure of beingtreated by them in the same manner as the Baron’s castle, before he hadbeen driven thence through the power of Miss Cunegund’s bright eyes.
Candide 7
He asked charity of several grave–looking people, who one and all
answered him, that if he continued to follow this trade they would havehim sent to the house of correction, where he should be taught to get hisbread.
He next addressed himself to a person who had just come from
haranguing a numerous assembly for a whole hour on the subject of
charity. The orator, squinting at him under his broadbrimmed hat, askedhim sternly, what brought him thither and whether he was for the goodold cause?
“Sir,” said Candide, in a submissive manner, “I conceive there can
be no effect without a cause; everything is necessarily concatenated andarranged for the best. It was necessary that I should be banished fromthe presence of Miss Cunegund; that I should afterwards run thegauntlet; and it is necessary I should beg my bread, till I am able to getit. All this could not have been otherwise.”
“Hark ye, friend,” said the orator, “do you hold the Pope to be
Antichrist?”
“Truly, I never heard anything about it,” said Candide, “but
whether he is or not, I am in want of something to eat.”
“Thou deservest not to eat or to drink,” replied the orator, “wretch,
monster, that thou art! hence! avoid my sight, nor ever come near meagain while thou livest.”
The orator’s wife happened to put her head out of the window at
that instant, when, seeing a man who doubted whether the Pope wasAntichrist, she discharged upon his head a utensil full of water. Goodheavens, to what excess does religious zeal transport womankind!
A man who had never been christened, an honest Anabaptist
named James, was witness to the cruel and ignominious treatment
showed to one of his brethren, to a rational, two–footed, unfledged
being. Moved with pity he carried him to his own house, caused him tobe cleaned, gave him meat and drink, and made him a present of twoflorins, at the same time proposing to instruct him in his own trade ofweaving Persian silks, which are fabricated in Holland.
Pangloss’s Return and Dark Tidings
James the Anabaptist rescues Candide from poverty and religious persecution, briefly validating Candide’s belief in a benevolent world.
Candide discovers his old master Pangloss living as a diseased beggar, having lost his teeth and part of his nose to illness.
Pangloss reveals the horrific fate of Cunegund and the Baron’s family, who were brutally slaughtered during a Bulgarian military raid.
The philosopher explains that the destruction of the castle was part of a cycle of revenge between the Bulgarian and Abare armies.
Despite his physical ruin and the death of his patrons, Pangloss ironically identifies 'love' as the primary cause of his misery.
No,” replied Pangloss, “her body was ripped open by the Bulgarian soldiers, after they had subjected her to as much cruelty as a damsel could survive.
excess does religious zeal transport womankind!
A man who had never been christened, an honest Anabaptist
named James, was witness to the cruel and ignominious treatment
showed to one of his brethren, to a rational, two–footed, unfledged
being. Moved with pity he carried him to his own house, caused him tobe cleaned, gave him meat and drink, and made him a present of twoflorins, at the same time proposing to instruct him in his own trade ofweaving Persian silks, which are fabricated in Holland.
Candide, penetrated with so much goodness, threw himself at his
feet, crying, “Now I am convinced that my Master Pangloss told metruth when he said that everything was for the best in this world; for Iam infinitely more affected with your extraordinary generosity thanwith the inhumanity of that gentleman in the black cloak and his wife.”
8CHAPTER 4
How Candide Found His Old Master Pangloss Again and
What Happened to Him
The next day, as Candide was walking out, he met a beggar all
covered with scabs, his eyes sunk in his head, the end of his nose eatenoff, his mouth drawn on one side, his teeth as black as a cloak,snuffling and coughing most violently, and every time he attempted to
spit out dropped a tooth.
Candide, divided between compassion and horror, but giving way
to the former, bestowed on this shocking figure the two florins whichthe honest Anabaptist, James, had just before given to him. The specterlooked at him very earnestly, shed tears and threw his arms about hisneck. Candide started back aghast.
“Alas!” said the one wretch to the other, “don’t you know dear
Pangloss?”
“What do I hear? Is it you, my dear master! you I behold in this
piteous plight? What dreadful misfortune has befallen you? What hasmade you leave the most magnificent and delightful of all castles?Whathas become of Miss Cunegund, the mirror of young ladies, and
Nature’s masterpiece?”
“Oh, Lord!” cried Pangloss, “I am so weak I cannot stand,” upon
which Candide instantly led him to the Anabaptist’s stable, andprocured him something to eat.
As soon as Pangloss had a little refreshed himself, Candide began
to repeat his inquiries concerning Miss Cunegund.
“She is dead,” replied the other.“Dead!” cried Candide, and immediately fainted away; his friend
restored him by the help of a little bad vinegar, which he found bychance in the stable.
Candide opened his eyes, and again repeated: “Dead! is Miss
Cunegund dead? Ah, where is the best of worlds now? But of what
illness did she die? Was it of grief on seeing her father kick me out ofhis magnificent castle?”
“No,” replied Pangloss, “her body was ripped open by the
Bulgarian soldiers, after they had subjected her to as much cruelty as adamsel could survive; they knocked the Baron, her father, on the head
Candide 9
for attempting to defend her; My Lady, her mother, was cut in pieces;
my poor pupil was served just in the same manner as his sister; and asfor the castle, they have not left one stone upon another; they havedestroyed all the ducks, and sheep, the barns, and the trees; but we havehad our revenge, for the Abares have done the very same thing in a
neighboring barony, which belonged to a Bulgarian lord.”
At hearing this, Candide fainted away a second time, but, not
withstanding, having come to himself again, he said all that it becamehim to say; he inquired into the cause and effect, as well as into thesufficing reason that had reduced Pangloss to so miserable a condition.
“Alas,” replied the preceptor, “it was love; love, the comfort of the
human species; love, the preserver of the universe; the soul of allsensible beings; love! tender love!”
“Alas,” cried Candide, “I have had some knowledge of love
myself, this sovereign of hearts, this soul of souls; yet it never cost memore than a kiss and twenty kicks on the backside. But how could thisbeautiful cause produce in you so hideous an effect?
Pangloss's Optimism and Ailments
Pangloss reveals his horrific physical decay is the result of syphilis, which he poetically yet tragically attributes to the influence of love.
Through a satirical genealogy, Pangloss traces the disease back to Christopher Columbus's voyage, claiming its presence is a necessary trade-off for global goods like chocolate.
Pangloss argues that the disease is a 'necessary ingredient' in the best of worlds, even though it ravages armies and the source of human generation.
James the Anabaptist demonstrates practical charity by funding Pangloss's cure, despite his skepticism regarding Pangloss's optimistic philosophy.
As the group travels toward Lisbon, James observes that humans have deviated from their original innocence to invent tools of mutual destruction.
In her arms I tasted the pleasures of Paradise, which produced these Hell torments with which you see me devoured.
esufficing reason that had reduced Pangloss to so miserable a condition.
“Alas,” replied the preceptor, “it was love; love, the comfort of the
human species; love, the preserver of the universe; the soul of allsensible beings; love! tender love!”
“Alas,” cried Candide, “I have had some knowledge of love
myself, this sovereign of hearts, this soul of souls; yet it never cost memore than a kiss and twenty kicks on the backside. But how could thisbeautiful cause produce in you so hideous an effect?”
Pangloss made answer in these terms:
“O my dear Candide, you must remember Pacquette, that pretty
wench, who waited on our noble Baroness; in her arms I tasted thepleasures of Paradise, which produced these Hell torments with whichyou see me devoured. She was infected with an ailment, and perhapshas since died of it; she received this present of a learned Franciscan,who derived it from the fountainhead; he was indebted for it to an oldcountess, who had it of a captain of horse, who had it of a marchioness,who had it of a page, the page had it of a Jesuit, who, during hisnovitiate, had it in a direct line from one of the fellow adventurers ofChristopher Columbus; for my part I shall give it to nobody, I am a
dying man.”
“O sage Pangloss,” cried Candide, “what a strange genealogy is
this!Is not the devil the root of it?”
“Not at all,” replied the great man, “it was a thing unavoidable, a
necessary ingredient in the best of worlds; for if Columbus had notcaught in an island in America this disease, which contaminates thesource of generation, and frequently impedes propagation itself, and isevidently opposed to the great end of nature, we should have hadneither chocolate nor cochineal. It is also to be observed, that, even tothe present time, in this continent of ours, this malady, like ourreligious controversies, is peculiar to ourselves.The Turks, the Indians,the Persians, the Chinese, the Siamese, and the Japanese are entirely
unacquainted with it; but there is a sufficing reason for them to know it
in a few centuries. In the meantime, it is making prodigious havocamong us, especially in those armies composed of well disciplined
10 V OLTAIRE
hirelings, who determine the fate of nations; for we may safely affirm,
that, when an army of thirty thousand men engages another equal insize, there are about twenty thousand infected with syphilis on eachside.”
“Very surprising, indeed,” said Candide, “but you must get cured.”
“Lord help me, how can I?” said Pangloss. “My dear friend, I have
not a penny in the world; and you know one cannot be bled or have anenema without money.”
This last speech had its effect on Candide; he flew to the charitable
Anabaptist, James; he flung himself at his feet, and gave him sostriking a picture of the miserable condition of his friend that the goodman without any further hesitation agreed to take Dr.Pangloss into hishouse, and to pay for his cure. The cure was effected with only the lossof one eye and an ear. As be wrote a good hand, and understoodaccounts tolerably well, the Anabaptist made him his bookkeeper. Atthe expiration of two months, being obliged by some mercantile affairsto go to Lisbon he took the two philosophers with him in the same ship;
Pangloss, during the course of the voyage, explained to him how
everything was so constituted that it could not be better. James did notquite agree with him on this point.
“Men,” said he “must, in some things, have deviated from their
original innocence; for they were not born wolves, and yet they worryone another like those beasts of prey. God never gave them twenty–four pounders nor bayonets, and yet they have made cannon andbayonets to destroy one another. To this account I might add not onlybankruptcies, but the law which seizes on the effects of bankrupts, onlyto cheat the creditors.
Disaster and Philosophical Delusion
James contests Pangloss's optimism, arguing that mankind has deviated from its original innocence through war and greed.
A violent tempest wrecks the ship near Lisbon, and the noble Anabaptist James drowns while saving a malicious sailor.
Pangloss prevents Candide from rescuing James by proving through a priori logic that the harbor was intended for his drowning.
The surviving trio reaches Lisbon only to experience a horrific earthquake that destroys the city and kills thirty thousand people.
Amidst the carnage, Pangloss is more concerned with the philosophical cause of the event than the human loss.
The sailor, whistling and swearing, cried, “Damn it, there’s something to be got here.”
hat it could not be better. James did notquite agree with him on this point.
“Men,” said he “must, in some things, have deviated from their
original innocence; for they were not born wolves, and yet they worryone another like those beasts of prey. God never gave them twenty–four pounders nor bayonets, and yet they have made cannon andbayonets to destroy one another. To this account I might add not onlybankruptcies, but the law which seizes on the effects of bankrupts, onlyto cheat the creditors.”
“All this was indispensably necessary,” replied the one–eyed
doctor, “for private misfortunes are public benefits; so that the more
private misfortunes there are, the greater is the general good.”
While he was arguing in this manner, the sky was overcast, the
winds blew from the four quarters of the compass, and the ship wasassailed by a most terrible tempest, within sight of the port of Lisbon.
11CHAPTER 5
A Tempest, a Shipwreck, an Earthquake, and What Else
Befell Dr. Pangloss, Candide, and James, the Anabaptist
One half of the passengers, weakened and half–dead with the
inconceivable anxiety and sickness which the rolling of a vessel at seaoccasions through the whole human frame, were lost to all sense of thedanger that surrounded them. The others made loud outcries, or betook
themselves to their prayers; the sails were blown into shreds, and the
masts were brought by the board. The vessel was a total wreck.Everyone was busily employed, but nobody could be either heard orobeyed. The Anabaptist, being upon deck, lent a helping hand as wellas the rest, when a brutish sailor gave him a blow and laid himspeechless; but, not withstanding, with the violence of the blow the tarhimself tumbled headforemost overboard, and fell upon a piece of thebroken mast, which he immediately grasped.
Honest James, forgetting the injury he had so lately received from
him, flew to his assistance, and, with great difficulty, hauled him inagain, but, not withstanding, in the attempt, was, by a sudden jerk ofthe ship, thrown overboard himself, in sight of the very fellow whom
he had risked his life to save and who took not the least notice of him in
this distress. Candide, who beheld all that passed and saw hisbenefactor one moment rising above water, and the next swallowed upby the merciless waves, was preparing to jump after him, but wasprevented by the philosopher Pangloss, who demonstrated to him thatthe roadstead of Lisbon had been made on purpose for the Anabaptistto be drowned there. While he was proving his argument a priori, theship foundered, and the whole crew perished, except Pangloss,Candide, and the sailor who had been the means of drowning the goodAnabaptist.The villain swam ashore; but Pangloss and Candide reachedthe land upon a plank.
As soon as they had recovered from their surprise and fatigue they
walked towards Lisbon; with what little money they had left theythought to save themselves from starving after having escapeddrowning.
Scarcely had they ceased to lament the loss of their benefactor and
set foot in the city, when they perceived that the earth trembled under
12 V OLTAIRE
their feet, and the sea, swelling and foaming in the harbor, was dashing
in pieces the vessels that were riding at anchor. Large sheets of flamesand cinders covered the streets and public places; the houses tottered,and were tumbled topsy–turvy even to their foundations, which werethemselves destroyed, and thirty thousand inhabitants of both sexes,
young and old, were buried beneath the ruins.
The sailor, whistling and swearing, cried, “Damn it, there’s
something to be got here.”
“What can be the sufficing reason of this phenomenon?” said
Pangloss.
“It is certainly the day of judgment,” said Candide.
Chaos and Fatalistic Philosophy
A massive earthquake destroys Lisbon, killing thirty thousand inhabitants and leaving the city in total ruin.
A sailor shamelessly loots the wreckage and indulges in vices while ignoring the pleas of the dying.
Pangloss refuses to provide immediate aid to a wounded Candide, choosing instead to lecture on the sufficient reason for the disaster.
Pangloss's insistence that everything is for the best draws the suspicious attention of an officer from the Inquisition.
The text satirizes the coldness of theoretical optimism when confronted with the horrific reality of natural disasters and human suffering.
The sailor, defying death in the pursuit of plunder, rushed into the midst of the ruin, where he found some money, with which he got drunk, and, after he had slept himself sober he purchased the favors of the first good–natured wench that came in his way, amidst the ruins of demolished houses and the groans of half–buried and expiring persons.
ding at anchor. Large sheets of flamesand cinders covered the streets and public places; the houses tottered,and were tumbled topsy–turvy even to their foundations, which werethemselves destroyed, and thirty thousand inhabitants of both sexes,
young and old, were buried beneath the ruins.
The sailor, whistling and swearing, cried, “Damn it, there’s
something to be got here.”
“What can be the sufficing reason of this phenomenon?” said
Pangloss.
“It is certainly the day of judgment,” said Candide.The sailor, defying death in the pursuit of plunder, rushed into the
midst of the ruin, where he found some money, with which he gotdrunk, and, after he had slept himself sober he purchased the favors ofthe first good–natured wench that came in his way, amidst the ruins ofdemolished houses and the groans of half–buried and expiring persons.
Pangloss pulled him by the sleeve. “Friend,” said he, “this is not
right, you trespass against the universal reason, and have mistaken your
time.”
“Death and zounds!” answered the other, “I am a sailor and was
born at Batavia, and have trampled four times upon the crucifix in asmany voyages to Japan; you have come to a good hand with youruniversal reason.”
In the meantime, Candide, who had been wounded by some pieces
of stone that fell from the houses, lay stretched in the street, almostcovered with rubbish.
“For God’s sake,” said he to Pangloss, “get me a little wine and
oil! I am dying.”
“This concussion of the earth is no new thing,” said Pangloss, “the
city of Lima in South America experienced the same last year; the samecause, the same effects; there is certainly a train of sulphur all the wayunderground from Lima to Lisbon.”
“Nothing is more probable,” said Candide; “but for the love of God
a little oil and wine.”
“Probable!” replied the philosopher, “I maintain that the thing is
demonstrable.”
Candide fainted away, and Pangloss fetched him some water from
a neighboring spring. The next day, in searching among the ruins, theyfound some eatables with which they repaired their exhaustedstrength.After this they assisted the inhabitants in relieving the
distressed and wounded. Some, whom they had humanely assisted,
gave them as good a dinner as could be expected under such terriblecircumstances. The repast, indeed, was mournful, and the company
Candide 13
moistened their bread with their tears; but Pangloss endeavored to
comfort them under this affliction by affirming that things could not beotherwise that they were.
“For,” said he, “all this is for the very best end, for if there is a
volcano at Lisbon it could be in no other spot; and it is impossible but
things should be as they are, for everything is for the best.”
By the side of the preceptor sat a little man dressed in black, who
was one of the familiars of the Inquisition. This person, taking him upwith great complaisance, said, “Possibly, my good sir, you do notbelieve in original sin; for, if everything is best, there could have beenno such thing as the fall or punishment of man.”
Your Excellency will pardon me,” answered Pangloss, still more
politely; “for the fall of man and the curse consequent thereuponnecessarily entered into the system of the best of worlds.”
“That is as much as to say, sir,” rejoined the familiar, “you do not
believe in free will.”
“Your Excellency will be so good as to excuse me,” said Pangloss,
“free will is consistent with absolute n ecessity; for it was necessary we
should be free, for in that the will –”
Pangloss was in the midst of his proposition, when the familiar
beckoned to his attendant to help him to a glass of port wine.
The Lisbon Auto-da-fé
Following the Lisbon earthquake, authorities conclude that the ceremonial burning of people is an infallible way to prevent future tremors.
Pangloss is hanged and Candide is publicly flogged for their philosophical views during a ritual intended to appease the heavens.
The absurdity of the ritual is exposed when a second earthquake occurs on the same day as the executions.
A despairing Candide is rescued by a mysterious old woman who offers him food, shelter, and medical care.
Voltaire satirizes the cruelty of the Inquisition and the logical fallacies used to justify human suffering.
If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?
of man and the curse consequent thereuponnecessarily entered into the system of the best of worlds.”
“That is as much as to say, sir,” rejoined the familiar, “you do not
believe in free will.”
“Your Excellency will be so good as to excuse me,” said Pangloss,
“free will is consistent with absolute n ecessity; for it was necessary we
should be free, for in that the will –”
Pangloss was in the midst of his proposition, when the familiar
beckoned to his attendant to help him to a glass of port wine.
14CHAPTER 6
How the Portuguese Made a Superb Auto–De–Fe to
Prevent Any Future Earthquakes, and How Candide
Underwent Public Flagellation
After the earthquake, which had destroyed three–fourths of the city
of Lisbon, the sages of that country could think of no means moreeffectual to preserve the kingdom from utter ruin than to entertain the
people with an auto–da–fe, it having been decided by the University of
Coimbra, that the burning of a few people alive by a slow fire, and withgreat ceremony, is an infallible preventive of earthquakes.
In consequence thereof they had seized on a Biscayan for marrying
his godmother, and on two Portuguese for taking out the bacon of alarded pullet they were eating; after dinner they came and securedDr.Pangloss, and his pupil Candide, the one for speaking his mind, andthe other for seeming to approve what he had said. They wereconducted to separate apartments, extremely cool, where they werenever incommoded with the sun. Eight days afterwards they were eachdressed in a sanbenito, and their heads were adorned with paper mitres.The mitre and sanbenito worn by Candide were painted with flames
reversed and with devils that had neither tails nor claws; but Dr.
Pangloss’s devils had both tails and claws, and his flames were upright.In these habits they marched in procession, and heard a very patheticsermon, which was followed by an anthem, accompanied by bagpipes.Candide was flogged to some tune, while the anthem was being sung;the Biscayan and the two men who would not eat bacon were burned,and Pangloss was hanged, which is not a common custom at thesesolemnities. The same day there was another earthquake, which mademost dreadful havoc.
Candide, amazed, terrified, confounded, astonished, all bloody,
and trembling from head to foot, said to himself, “If this is the best of
all possible worlds, what are the others? If I had only been whipped, I
could have put up with it, as I did among the Bulgarians; but, notwithstanding, oh my dear Pangloss! my beloved master! thou greatestof philosophers! that ever I should live to see thee hanged, withoutknowing for what! O my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that itshould be thy fate to be drowned in the very harbor! O Miss Cunegund,
Candide 15
you mirror of young ladies! that it should be your fate to have your
body ripped open!”
He was making the best of his way from the place where he had
been preached to, whipped, absolved and blessed, when he wasaccosted by an old woman, who said to him, “Take courage, child, and
follow me.”
16CHAPTER 7
How the Old Woman Took Care Of Candide, and How He
Found the Object of His Love
Candide followed the old woman, though without taking courage,
to a decayed house, where she gave him a pot of pomatum to anoint hissores, showed him a very neat bed, with a suit of clothes hanging by it;and set victuals and drink before him.
“There,” said she, “eat, drink, and sleep, and may Our Lady of
Atocha, and the great St. Anthony of Padua, and the illustriousSt.James of Compostella, take you under their protection. I shall beback tomorrow.”
Candide, struck with amazement at what he had seen, at what he
had suffered, and still more with the charity of the old woman, wouldhave shown his acknowledgment by kissing her hand.
“It is not my hand you ought to kiss,” said the old woman. “I shall
be back tomorrow. Anoint your back, eat, and take your rest.”
Candide, notwithstanding so many disasters, ate and slept.
Reunion with Miss Cunegund
An anonymous old woman provides meticulous care for Candide's wounds and ensures he is fed and rested.
Candide is led through the countryside to a secluded, lavishly furnished apartment where he is left in a state of bewildered wonder.
The old woman returns with a veiled lady who is revealed to be Miss Cunegund, whom Candide believed had been killed.
Cunegund confirms the horrific reports of her assault and injury but notes that such 'accidents' do not always prove fatal.
The reunited lovers begin to exchange their tales of woe, detailing the disasters they have faced since their separation.
“Indeed but they did,” replied Miss Cunegund; “but these two accidents do not always prove mortal.”
eat St. Anthony of Padua, and the illustriousSt.James of Compostella, take you under their protection. I shall beback tomorrow.”
Candide, struck with amazement at what he had seen, at what he
had suffered, and still more with the charity of the old woman, wouldhave shown his acknowledgment by kissing her hand.
“It is not my hand you ought to kiss,” said the old woman. “I shall
be back tomorrow. Anoint your back, eat, and take your rest.”
Candide, notwithstanding so many disasters, ate and slept. The
next morning, the old woman brought him his breakfast; examined hisback, and rubbed it herself with another ointment. She returned at the
proper time, and brought him his dinner; and at night, she visited him
again with his supper. The next day she observed the same ceremonies.
“Who are you?” said Candide to her. “Who has inspired you with
so much goodness? What return can I make you for this charitableassistance?”
The good old beldame kept a profound silence. In the evening she
returned, but without his supper.
“Come along with me,” said she, “but do not speak a word.”She took him by the arm, and walked with him about a quarter of a
mile into the country, till they came to a lonely house surrounded withmoats and gardens. The old conductress knocked at a little door, which
was immediately opened, and she showed him up a pair of back stairs,
into a small, but richly furnished apartment. There she made him sitdown on a brocaded sofa, shut the door upon him, and left him.Candide thought himself in a trance; he looked upon his whole life,hitherto, as a frightful dream, and the present moment as a veryagreeable one.
Candide 17
The old woman soon returned, supporting, with great difficulty, a
young lady, who appeared scarce able to stand. She was of a majesticmien and stature, her dress was rich, and glittering with diamonds, andher face was covered with a veil.
“Take off that veil,” said the old woman to Candide.
The young man approached, and, with a trembling hand, took off
her veil. What a happy moment! What surprise! He thought he beheldMiss Cunegund; he did behold her – it was she herself. His strengthfailed him, he could not utter a word, he fell at her feet. Cunegundfainted upon the sofa. The old woman bedewed them with spirits; theyrecovered – they began to speak. At first they could express themselvesonly in broken accents; their questions and answers were alternatelyinterrupted with sighs, tears, and exclamations. The old woman desiredthem to make less noise, and after this prudent admonition left themtogether.
“Good heavens!” cried Candide, “is it you? Is it Miss Cunegund I
behold, and alive? Do I find you again in Portugal? then you have not
been ravished? they did not rip open your body, as the philosopher
Pangloss informed me?”
“Indeed but they did,” replied Miss Cunegund; “but these two
accidents do not always prove mortal.”
“But were your father and mother killed?”“Alas!” answered she, “it is but too true!” and she wept.“And your brother?”“And my brother also.”“And how came you into Portugal? And how did you know of my
being here? And by what strange adventure did you contrive to haveme brought into this house? And how –”
“I will tell you all,” replied the lady, “but first you must acquaint
me with all that has befallen you since the innocent kiss you gave me,and the rude kicking you received in consequence of it.”
Candide, with the greatest submission, prepared to obey the
commands of his fair mistress; and though he was still filled withamazement, though his voice was low and tremulous, though his backpained him, yet he gave her a most ingenuous account of everythingthat had befallen him, since the moment of their separation. Cunegund,with her eyes uplifted to heaven, shed tears when he related the deathof the good Anabaptist, James, and of Pangloss; after which she thusrelated her adventures to Candide, who lost not one syllable she uttered,and seemed to devour her with his eyes all the time she was speaking.
Cunegund's Story of Survival
Cunegund describes the traumatic destruction of her home and her survival of a violent assault during the Bulgarian invasion.
She was kept as a prisoner of war by a captain who eventually sold her to Don Issachar, a wealthy merchant.
The Grand Inquisitor forced a shared custody agreement for Cunegund by threatening the merchant with an auto-da-fe.
Cunegund reveals the absurd schedule where the merchant and the Inquisitor split the days of the week for her company.
The chapter satirizes religious and social institutions by depicting them as opportunistic and morally bankrupt entities.
A modest woman may be once ravished; but her virtue is greatly strengthened thereby.
still filled withamazement, though his voice was low and tremulous, though his backpained him, yet he gave her a most ingenuous account of everythingthat had befallen him, since the moment of their separation. Cunegund,with her eyes uplifted to heaven, shed tears when he related the deathof the good Anabaptist, James, and of Pangloss; after which she thusrelated her adventures to Candide, who lost not one syllable she uttered,and seemed to devour her with his eyes all the time she was speaking.
18CHAPTER 8
Cunegund’s Story
I was in bed, and fast asleep, when it pleased Heaven to send the
Bulgarians to our delightful castle of Thunder–ten–tronckh, where theymurdered my father and brother, and cut my mother in pieces. A tallBulgarian soldier, six feet high, perceiving that I had fainted away atthis sight, attempted to ravish me; the operation brought me to my
senses. I cried, I struggled, I bit, I scratched, I would have torn the tall
Bulgarian’s eyes out, not knowing that what had happened at myfather’s castle was a customary thing. The brutal soldier, enraged at myresistance, gave me a wound in my left leg with his hanger, the mark ofwhich I still carry.”
“Methinks I long to see it,” said Candide, with all imaginable
simplicity.
“You shall,” said Cunegund, “but let me proceed.”“Pray do,” replied Candide.She continued. “A Bulgarian captain came in, and saw me
weltering in my blood, and the soldier still as busy as if no one hadbeen present.The officer, enraged at the fellow’s want of respect to
him, killed him with one stroke of his sabre as he lay upon me. This
captain took care of me, had me cured, and carried me as a prisoner ofwar to his quarters. I washed what little linen he possessed, and cookedhis victuals: he was very fond of me, that was certain; neither can Ideny that he was well made, and had a soft, white skin, but he was verystupid, and knew nothing of philosophy: it might plainly be perceivedthat he had not been educated under Dr. Pangloss. In three months,having gambled away all his money, and having grown tired of me, hesold me to a Jew, named Don Issachar, who traded in Holland andPortugal, and was passionately fond of women. This Jew showed megreat kindness, in hopes of gaining my favors; but he never could
prevail on me to yield. A modest woman may be once ravished; but her
virtue is greatly strengthened thereby. In order to make sure of me, hebrought me to this country house you now see. I had hitherto believedthat nothing could equal the beauty of the castle of Thunder–ten–tronckh; but I found I was mistaken.
Candide 19
“The Grand Inquisitor saw me one day at Mass, ogled me all the
time of service, and when it was over, sent to let me know he wanted tospeak with me about some private business. I was conducted to hispalace, where I told him all my story; he represented to me how much itwas beneath a person of my birth to belong to a circumcised Israelite.
He caused a proposal to be made to Don Issachar, that he should resign
me to His Lordship. Don Issachar, being the court banker and a man ofcredit, was not easy to be prevailed upon. His Lordship threatened himwith an auto–da–fe; in short, my Jew was frightened into acompromise, and it was agreed between them, that the house andmyself should belong to both in common; that the Jew should haveMonday, Wednesday, and the Sabbath to himself; and the Inquisitor theother four days of the week. This agreement has subsisted almost sixmonths; but not without several contests, whether the space fromSaturday night to Sunday morning belonged to the old or the newlaw.For my part, I have hitherto withstood them both, and truly Ibelieve this is the very reason why they are both so fond of me.
“At length to turn aside the scourge of earthquakes, and to
intimidate Don Issachar, My Lord Inquisitor was pleased to celebratean auto–da–fe. He did me the honor to invite me to the ceremony.
Violent Reunions and Broken Philosophy
Cunegund details the precarious living arrangement where she is shared by the Grand Inquisitor and the merchant Don Issachar.
The horrors of the auto-da-fe, where she saw her friends tortured, lead Cunegund to reject Pangloss's optimistic worldview.
Cunegund recounts her traumatic history, including the murder of her family and her survival through various forms of servitude.
The intimate reunion between Candide and Cunegund is shattered when Don Issachar discovers them together on his Sabbath visit.
The typically gentle Candide is forced into violence, killing Don Issachar in a moment of desperate self-defense.
Pangloss deceived me most cruelly, in saying that everything is for the best.
f the week. This agreement has subsisted almost sixmonths; but not without several contests, whether the space fromSaturday night to Sunday morning belonged to the old or the newlaw.For my part, I have hitherto withstood them both, and truly Ibelieve this is the very reason why they are both so fond of me.
“At length to turn aside the scourge of earthquakes, and to
intimidate Don Issachar, My Lord Inquisitor was pleased to celebratean auto–da–fe. He did me the honor to invite me to the ceremony. I hada very good seat; and refreshments of all kinds were offered the ladiesbetween Mass and the execution. I was dreadfully shocked at theburning of the two Jews, and the honest Biscayan who married hisgodmother; but how great was my surprise, my consternation, andconcern, when I beheld a figure so like Pangloss, dressed in a sanbenitoand mitre! I rubbed my eyes, I looked at him attentively.I saw himhanged, and I fainted away: scarce had I recovered my senses, when Isaw you stripped of clothing; this was the height of horror, grief, and
despair. I must confess to you for a truth, that your skin is whiter and
more blooming than that of the Bulgarian captain. This spectacleworked me up to a pitch of distraction. I screamed out, and would havesaid, ‘Hold, barbarians!’ but my voice failed me; and indeed my crieswould have signified nothing. After you had been severely whipped, Isaid to myself, ‘How is it possible that the lovely Candide and the sagePangloss should be at Lisbon, the one to receive a hundred lashes, andthe other to be hanged by order of My Lord Inquisitor, of whom I amso great a favorite? Pangloss deceived me most cruelly, in saying thateverything is for the best.’
“Thus agitated and perplexed, now distracted and lost, now half
dead with grief, I revolved in my mind the murder of my father,
mother, and brother, committed before my eyes; the insolence of the
rascally Bulgarian soldier; the wound he gave me in the groin; myservitude; my being a cook–wench to my Bulgarian captain; my
20 V OLTAIRE
subjection to the hateful Jew, and my cruel Inquisitor; the hanging of
Doctor Pangloss; the Miserere sung while you were being whipped;and particularly the kiss I gave you behind the screen, the last day Iever beheld you. I returned thanks to God for having brought you to theplace where I was, after so many trials. I charged the old woman who
attends me to bring you hither as soon as was convenient. She has
punctually executed my orders, and I now enjoy the inexpressiblesatisfaction of seeing you, hearing you, and speaking to you. But youmust certainly be half–dead with hunger; I myself have a greatinclination to eat, and so let us sit down to supper.”
Upon this the two lovers immediately placed themselves at table,
and, after having supped, they returned to seat themselves again on themagnificent sofa already mentioned, where they were in amorousdalliance, when Senor Don Issachar, one of the masters of the house,entered unexpectedly; it was the Sabbath day, and he came to enjoy hisprivilege, and sigh forth his passion at the feet of the fair Cunegund.
21CHAPTER 9
What Happened to Cunegund, Candide, the Grand
Inquisitor, and the Jew
This same Issachar was the most choleric little Hebrew that had
ever been in Israel since the captivity of Babylon.
“What,” said he, “thou Galilean slut? The Inquisitor was not
enough for thee, but this rascal must come in for a share with me?”
In uttering these words, he drew out a long poniard, which he
always carried about him, and never dreaming that his adversary hadany arms, he attacked him most furiously; but our honest Westphalianhad received from the old woman a handsome sword with the suit ofclothes.Candide drew his rapier, and though he was very gentle andsweet–tempered, he laid the Israelite dead on the floor at the fairCunegund’s feet.
“Holy Virgin!” cried she, “what will become of us? A man killed
in my apartment! If the peace–officers come, we are undone.
Violent Ends and Flight
Candide impulsively kills both Don Issachar and the Grand Inquisitor to protect himself and Cunegund from legal discovery.
Candide justifies his sudden transition to violence by citing the combined effects of love, jealousy, and his previous torture.
The old woman orchestrates a swift midnight escape to Cadiz to avoid the authorities and the Holy Brotherhood.
The narrative highlights religious hypocrisy by contrasting the Inquisitor's magnificent burial with the Jew's body being thrown on a dunghill.
The trio's escape is hampered when Cunegund’s jewels and money are stolen, with suspicion falling on a Franciscan friar.
"Beautiful maiden," answered Candide, "when a man is in love, is jealous, and has been flogged by the Inquisition, he becomes lost to all reflection."
t a long poniard, which he
always carried about him, and never dreaming that his adversary hadany arms, he attacked him most furiously; but our honest Westphalianhad received from the old woman a handsome sword with the suit ofclothes.Candide drew his rapier, and though he was very gentle andsweet–tempered, he laid the Israelite dead on the floor at the fairCunegund’s feet.
“Holy Virgin!” cried she, “what will become of us? A man killed
in my apartment! If the peace–officers come, we are undone.”
“Had not Pangloss been hanged,” replied Candide, “he would have
given us most excellent advice, in this emergency; for he was aprofound philosopher. But, since he is not here, let us consult the old
woman.”
She was very sensible, and was beginning to give her advice, when
another door opened on a sudden. It was now one o’clock in themorning, and of course the beginning of Sunday, which, by agreement,fell to the lot of My Lord Inquisitor. Entering he discovered theflagellated Candide with his drawn sword in his hand, a dead bodystretched on the floor, Cunegund frightened out of her wits, and the oldwoman giving advice.
At that very moment, a sudden thought came into Candide’s
head.”If this holy man,” thought he, “should call assistance, I shallmost undoubtedly be consigned to the flames, and Miss Cunegund may
perhaps meet with no better treatment: besides, he was the cause of my
being so cruelly whipped; he is my rival; and as I have now begun todip my hands in blood, I will kill away, for there is no time to hesitate.”
This whole train of reasoning was clear and instantaneous; so that,
without giving time to the Inquisitor to recover from his surprise, he ranhim through the body, and laid him by the side of the Jew.
22 V OLTAIRE
“Here’s another fine piece of work!” cried Cunegund. “Now there
can be no mercy for us, we are excommunicated; our last hour is come.But how could you, who are of so mild a temper, despatch a Jew and anInquisitor in two minutes’ time?”
“Beautiful maiden,” answered Candide, “when a man is in love, is
jealous, and has been flogged by the Inquisition, he becomes lost to all
reflection.”
The old woman then put in her word:“There are three Andalusian horses in the stable, with as many
bridles and saddles; let the brave Candide get them ready. Madam has aparcel of moidores and jewels, let us mount immediately, though I havelost one buttock; let us set out for Cadiz; it is the finest weather in theworld, and there is great pleasure in traveling in the cool of the night.”
Candide, without any further hesitation, saddled the three horses;
and Miss Cunegund, the old woman, and he, set out, and traveled thirtymiles without once halting. While they were making the best of theirway, the Holy Brotherhood entered the house. My Lord, the Inquisitor,
was interred in a magnificent manner, and Master Issachar’s body was
thrown upon a dunghill.
Candide, Cunegund, and the old woman, had by this time reached
the little town of Avacena, in the midst of the mountains of SierraMorena, and were engaged in the following conversation in an inn,where they had taken up their quarters.
23CHAPTER 10
In What Distress Candide, Cunegund, and the Old
Woman Arrive at Cadiz, and Of Their Embarkation
Who could it be that has robbed me of my moidores and jewels?”
exclaimed Miss Cunegund, all bathed in tears. “How shall we live?What shall we do? Where shall I find Inquisitors and Jews who cangive me more?”
“Alas!” said the old woman, “I have a shrewd suspicion of a
reverend Franciscan father, who lay last night in the same inn with us atBadajoz. God forbid I should condemn any one wrongfully, but hecame into our room twice, and he set off in the morning long beforeus.”
“Alas!
Embarkation for the New World
Cunegund discovers her jewels and money have been stolen, leading the old woman to suspect a Franciscan monk who stayed at their inn.
Candide ironically interprets the theft through Pangloss's philosophy, suggesting the monk merely exercised an equal right to common goods.
To reach Cadiz, they sell their horse to a Benedictine friar and Candide gains a military commission to lead a company to Paraguay.
On the ship, Candide and Cunegund hope the New World will be the place where everything is for the best, despite their previous traumas.
The old woman dismisses Cunegund's complaints of misfortune, hinting that her own secret history of suffering is far more severe.
"Miss," replied the old woman, "you do not know my family as yet; but if I were to show you my posteriors, you would not talk in this manner, but suspend your judgment."
Their Embarkation
Who could it be that has robbed me of my moidores and jewels?”
exclaimed Miss Cunegund, all bathed in tears. “How shall we live?What shall we do? Where shall I find Inquisitors and Jews who cangive me more?”
“Alas!” said the old woman, “I have a shrewd suspicion of a
reverend Franciscan father, who lay last night in the same inn with us atBadajoz. God forbid I should condemn any one wrongfully, but hecame into our room twice, and he set off in the morning long beforeus.”
“Alas!” said Candide, “Pangloss has often demonstrated to me that
the goods of this world are common to all men, and that everyone hasan equal right to the enjoyment of them; but, not withstanding,according to these principles, the Franciscan ought to have left usenough to carry us to the end of our journey. Have you nothing at allleft, my dear Miss Cunegund?”
“Not a maravedi,” replied she.
“What is to be done then?” said Candide.
“Sell one of the horses,” replied the old woman. “I will get up
behind Miss Cunegund, though I have only one buttock to ride on, andwe shall reach Cadiz.”
In the same inn there was a Benedictine friar, who bought the
horse very cheap. Candide, Cunegund, and the old woman, afterpassing through Lucina, Chellas, and Letrixa, arrived at length atCadiz. A fleet was then getting ready, and troops were assembling inorder to induce the reverend fathers, Jesuits of Paraguay, who wereaccused of having excited one of the Indian tribes in the neighborhoodof the town of the Holy Sacrament, to revolt against the Kings of Spain
and Portugal.
Candide, having been in the Bulgarian service, performed the
military exercise of that nation before the general of this little armywith so intrepid an air, and with such agility and expedition, that hereceived the command of a company of foot. Being now made acaptain, he embarked with Miss Cunegund, the old woman, two valets,
24 V OLTAIRE
and the two Andalusian horses, which had belonged to the Grand
Inquisitor of Portugal.
During their voyage they amused themselves with many profound
reasonings on poor Pangloss’s philosophy.
“We are now going into another world, and surely it must be there
that everything is for the best; for I must confess that we have had some
little reason to complain of what passes in ours, both as to the physicaland moral part. Though I have a sincere love for you,” said MissCunegund, “yet I still shudder at the reflection of what I have seen andexperienced.”
“All will be well,” replied Candide, “the sea of this new world is
already better than our European seas: it is smoother, and the windsblow more regularly.”
“God grant it,” said Cunegund, “but I have met with such terrible
treatment in this world that I have almost lost all hopes of a better one.”
“What murmuring and complaining is here indeed!” cried the old
woman. “If you had suffered half what I have, there might be some
reason for it.”
Miss Cunegund could scarce refrain from laughing at the good old
woman, and thought it droll enough to pretend to a greater share ofmisfortunes than her own.
“Alas! my good dame,” said she, “unless you had been ravished by
two Bulgarians, had received two deep wounds in your belly, had seentwo of your own castles demolished, had lost two fathers, and twomothers, and seen both of them barbarously murdered before your eyes,and to sum up all, had two lovers whipped at an auto–da–fe, I cannotsee how you could be more unfortunate than I. Add to this, though borna baroness, and bearing seventy–two quarterings, I have been reduced
to the station of a cook–wench.”
“Miss,” replied the old woman, “you do not know my family as
yet; but if I were to show you my posteriors, you would not talk in thismanner, but suspend your judgment.” This speech raised a highcuriosity in Candide and Cunegund; and the old woman continued asfollows.
25CHAPTER 11
The History of the Old Woman
I have not always been blear–eyed. My nose did not always touch
my chin; nor was I always a servant.
The Old Woman's History
The Old Woman reveals her high-born origins as the daughter of Pope Urban X and the Princess of Palestrina, contrasting her current misery with a youth of immense wealth and beauty.
Her path to happiness was destroyed when her fiancé, a sovereign prince, was poisoned by a former mistress just before their wedding.
During a voyage to escape her grief, her galley was overtaken by Moroccan pirates after the Pope's soldiers surrendered immediately to seek religious absolution.
The captives were stripped and subjected to a humiliating physical search for hidden diamonds, a practice the narrator cynically notes is common among both pirates and religious knights.
The narrator transitions from a life of extreme luxury and adoration to the harsh reality of being enslaved and transported to Morocco.
Our men defended themselves like true Pope’s soldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, laid down their arms, and begged the corsair to give them absolution in articulo mortis.
and bearing seventy–two quarterings, I have been reduced
to the station of a cook–wench.”
“Miss,” replied the old woman, “you do not know my family as
yet; but if I were to show you my posteriors, you would not talk in thismanner, but suspend your judgment.” This speech raised a highcuriosity in Candide and Cunegund; and the old woman continued asfollows.
25CHAPTER 11
The History of the Old Woman
I have not always been blear–eyed. My nose did not always touch
my chin; nor was I always a servant. You must know that I am thedaughter of Pope Urban X, and of the Princess of Palestrina. To the ageof fourteen I was brought up in a castle, compared with which all thecastles of the German barons would not have been fit for stabling, and
one of my robes would have bought half the province of Westphalia. I
grew up, and improved in beauty, wit, and every gracefulaccomplishment; and in the midst of pleasures, homage, and the highestexpectations. I already began to inspire the men with love. My breastbegan to take its right form, and such a breast! white, firm, and formedlike that of the Venus de’ Medici; my eyebrows were as black as jet,and as for my eyes, they darted flames and eclipsed the luster of thestars, as I was told by the poets of our part of the world. My maids,when they dressed and undressed me, used to fall into an ecstasy inviewing me before and behind; and all the men longed to be in theirplaces.
“I was contracted in marriage to a sovereign prince of Massa
Carrara. Such a prince! as handsome as myself, sweet–tempered,
agreeable, witty, and in love with me over head and ears. I loved him,too, as our sex generally do for the first time, with rapture, transport,and idolatry. The nuptials were prepared with surprising pomp andmagnificence; the ceremony was attended with feasts, carousals, andburlesques: all Italy composed sonnets in my praise, though not one ofthem was tolerable.
“I was on the point of reaching the summit of bliss, when an old
marchioness, who had been mistress to the Prince, my husband, invitedhim to drink chocolate. In less than two hours after he returned fromthe visit, he died of most terrible convulsions.
“But this is a mere trifle. My mother, distracted to the highest
degree, and yet less afflicted than I, determined to absent herself forsome time from so fatal a place. As she had a very fine estate in theneighborhood of Gaeta, we embarked on board a galley, which wasgilded like the high altar of St. Peter’s, at Rome. In our passage wewere boarded by a Sallee rover. Our men defended themselves like true
26 V OLTAIRE
Pope’s soldiers; they flung themselves upon their knees, laid down
their arms, and begged the corsair to give them absolution in articulomortis.
“The Moors presently stripped us as bare as ever we were born.
My mother, my maids of honor, and myself, were served all in the
same manner. It is amazing how quick these gentry are at undressing
people.But what surprised me most was, that they made a rude sort ofsurgical examination of parts of the body which are sacred to thefunctions of nature. I thought it a very strange kind of ceremony; forthus we are generally apt to judge of things when we have not seen theworld. I afterwards learned that it was to discover if we had anydiamonds concealed. This practice had been established since timeimmemorial among those civilized nations that scour the seas. I wasinformed that the religious Knights of Malta never fail to make thissearch whenever any Moors of either sex fall into their hands. It is apart of the law of nations, from which they never deviate.
“I need not tell you how great a hardship it was for a young
princess and her mother to be made slaves and carried to Morocco.You
may easily imagine what we must have suffered on board a corsair. Mymother was still extremely handsome, our maids of honor, and even ourcommon waiting–women, had more charms than were to be found inall Africa.
Carnage in North Africa
An Italian princess and her mother are captured by Moorish pirates and subjected to brutal treatment and the loss of their freedom.
They arrive in a Morocco devastated by a bloody civil war between the fifty sons of the Emperor, resulting in constant ethnic and factional slaughter.
A chaotic battle breaks out over the possession of the women, leading to the gruesome deaths of the narrator's mother and her entire social circle.
The narrator highlights a sharp irony in the perpetrators' behavior, noting that they commit daily atrocities while never missing their five daily prayers.
After surviving the massacre and being left for dead, the narrator encounters a fair-faced man speaking her native language.
I saw all our Italian women and my mother mangled and torn in pieces by the monsters who contended for them.
f Malta never fail to make thissearch whenever any Moors of either sex fall into their hands. It is apart of the law of nations, from which they never deviate.
“I need not tell you how great a hardship it was for a young
princess and her mother to be made slaves and carried to Morocco.You
may easily imagine what we must have suffered on board a corsair. Mymother was still extremely handsome, our maids of honor, and even ourcommon waiting–women, had more charms than were to be found inall Africa.
“As to myself, I was enchanting; I was beauty itself, and then I had
my virginity. But, alas! I did not retain it long; this precious flower,which had been reserved for the lovely Prince of Massa Carrara, wascropped by the captain of the Moorish vessel, who was a hideousNegro, and thought he did me infinite honor. Indeed, both the Princessof Palestrina and myself must have had very strong constitutions to
undergo all the hardships and violences we suffered before our arrival
at Morocco. But I will not detain you any longer with such commonthings; they are hardly worth mentioning.
“Upon our arrival at Morocco we found that kingdom deluged with
blood. Fifty sons of the Emperor Muley Ishmael were each at the headof a party. This produced fifty civil wars of blacks against blacks, oftawnies against tawnies, and of mulattoes against mulattoes. In short,the whole empire was one continued scene of carnage.
“No sooner were we landed than a party of blacks, of a contrary
faction to that of my captain, came to rob him of his booty. Next to themoney and jewels, we were the most valuable things he had. Iwitnessed on this occasion such a battle as you never beheld in your
cold European climates. The northern nations have not that
fermentation in their blood, nor that raging lust for women that is socommon in Africa. The natives of Europe seem to have their veins
Candide 27
filled with milk only; but fire and vitriol circulate in those of the
inhabitants of Mount Atlas and the neighboring provinces. They foughtwith the fury of the lions, tigers, and serpents of their country, to decidewho should have us. A Moor seized my mother by the right arm, whilemy captain’s lieutenant held her by the left; another Moor laid hold of
her by the right leg, and one of our corsairs held her by the other. In
this manner almost all of our women were dragged by four soldiers.
“My captain kept me concealed behind him, and with his drawn
scimitar cut down everyone who opposed him; at length I saw all ourItalian women and my mother mangled and torn in pieces by themonsters who contended for them. The captives, my companions, theMoors who took us, the soldiers, the sailors, the blacks, the whites, themulattoes, and lastly, my captain himself, were all slain, and I remainedalone expiring upon a heap of dead bodies. Similar barbarous sceneswere transacted every day over the whole country, which is of threehundred leagues in extent, and yet they never missed the five statedtimes of prayer enjoined by their prophet Mahomet.
“I disengaged myself with great difficulty from such a heap of
corpses, and made a shift to crawl to a large orange tree that stood onthe bank of a neighboring rivulet, where I fell down exhausted withfatigue, and overwhelmed with horror, despair, and hunger. My sensesbeing overpowered, I fell asleep, or rather seemed to be in a trance.Thus I lay in a state of weakness and insensibility between life anddeath, when I felt myself pressed by something that moved up anddown upon my body. This brought me to myself. I opened my eyes,and saw a pretty fair–faced man, who sighed and muttered these wordsbetween his teeth, ‘O che sciagura d’essere senza coglioni!”’
28CHAPTER 12
The Adventures of the Old Woman Continued
Astonished and delighted to hear my native language, and no less
surprised at the young man’s words, I told him that there were fargreater misfortunes in the world than what he complained of.
Betrayal and Global Misery
The old woman encounters a Neapolitan eunuch who once served her mother and recognizes her from her childhood as a princess.
Although the eunuch treats her with initial compassion, he ultimately betrays her by selling her to the Dey of Algiers.
The old woman survives a plague outbreak that decimates the city and claims she finds the disease far more terrifying than an earthquake.
She is repeatedly sold as a slave throughout the Mediterranean and Middle East, eventually becoming the property of a military officer.
You have seen an earthquake; but tell me, miss, have you ever had the plague?
th, when I felt myself pressed by something that moved up anddown upon my body. This brought me to myself. I opened my eyes,and saw a pretty fair–faced man, who sighed and muttered these wordsbetween his teeth, ‘O che sciagura d’essere senza coglioni!”’
28CHAPTER 12
The Adventures of the Old Woman Continued
Astonished and delighted to hear my native language, and no less
surprised at the young man’s words, I told him that there were fargreater misfortunes in the world than what he complained of. And toconvince him of it, I gave him a short history of the horrible disastersthat had befallen me; and as soon as I had finished, fell into a swoon
again.
“He carried me in his arms to a neighboring cottage, where he had
me put to bed, procured me something to eat, waited on me with thegreatest attention, comforted me, caressed me, told me that he hadnever seen anything so perfectly beautiful as myself, and that he hadnever so much regretted the loss of what no one could restore to him.
“‘I was born at Naples,’ said he, ‘where they make eunuchs of
thousands of children every year; some die of the operation; someacquire voices far beyond the most tuneful of your ladies; and othersare sent to govern states and empires. I underwent this operation verysuccessfully, and was one of the singers in the Princess of Palestrina’schapel.’
“‘How,’ cried I, ‘in my mother’s chapel!’
“‘The Princess of Palestrina, your mother!’ cried he, bursting into a
flood of tears. ‘Is it possible you should be the beautiful young princesswhom I had the care of bringing up till she was six years old, and whoat that tender age promised to be as fair as I now behold you?’
“‘I am the same,’ I replied. ‘My mother lies about a hundred yards
from here cut in pieces and buried under a heap of dead bodies.’
“I then related to him all that had befallen me, and he in return
acquainted me with all his adventures, and how he had been sent to thecourt of the King of Morocco by a Christian prince to conclude a treatywith that monarch; in consequence of which he was to be furnished
with military stores, and ships to destroy the commerce of other
Christian governments.
“‘I have executed my commission,’ said the eunuch; ‘I am going to
take ship at Ceuta, and I’ll take you along with me to Italy. Ma chesciagura d’essere senza coglioni!’
Candide 29
“I thanked him with tears of joy, but, not withstanding, instead of
taking me with him to Italy, he carried me to Algiers, and sold me tothe Dey of that province. I had not been long a slave when the plague,which had made the tour of Africa, Asia, and Europe, broke out atAlgiers with redoubled fury. You have seen an earthquake; but tell me,
miss, have you ever had the plague?”
“Never,” answered the young Baroness.“If you had ever had it,” continued the old woman, “you would
own an earthquake was a trifle to it. It is very common in Africa; I wasseized with it. Figure to yourself the distressed condition of thedaughter of a Pope, only fifteen years old, and who in less than threemonths had felt the miseries of poverty and slavery; had beendebauched almost every day; had beheld her mother cut into fourquarters; had experienced the scourges of famine and war; and was nowdying of the plague at Algiers. I did not, however, die of it; but myeunuch, and the Dey, and almost the whole seraglio of Algiers, wereswept off.
“As soon as the first fury of this dreadful pestilence was over, a
sale was made of the Dey’s slaves. I was purchased by a merchant whocarried me to Tunis. This man sold me to another merchant, who soldme again to another at Tripoli; from Tripoli I was sold to Alexandria,from Alexandria to Smyrna, and from Smyrna to Constantinople. Aftermany changes, I at length became the property of an Aga of theJanissaries, who, soon after I came into his possession, was orderedaway to the defense of Azoff, then besieged by the Russians.
The Persistence of Life
The narrator recounts her series of sales into slavery through the Ottoman Empire, ending in the middle of the violent siege of Azoff.
To avoid starvation, soldiers are convinced by a religious figure to consume a single buttock from each woman in the seraglio.
Despite the extreme mutilation, the survivors are rescued and treated by a surgeon who views the event as a standard law of war.
The story concludes with a philosophical reflection on the absurdity of the human will to live despite overwhelming suffering and disgrace.
For what can be more absurd than to persist in carrying a burden of which we wish to be eased? to detest, and yet to strive to preserve our existence?
this dreadful pestilence was over, a
sale was made of the Dey’s slaves. I was purchased by a merchant whocarried me to Tunis. This man sold me to another merchant, who soldme again to another at Tripoli; from Tripoli I was sold to Alexandria,from Alexandria to Smyrna, and from Smyrna to Constantinople. Aftermany changes, I at length became the property of an Aga of theJanissaries, who, soon after I came into his possession, was orderedaway to the defense of Azoff, then besieged by the Russians.
“The Aga, being very fond of women, took his whole seraglio with
him, and lodged us in a small fort, with two black eunuchs and twentysoldiers for our guard. Our army made a great slaughter among the
Russians; but they soon returned us the compliment. Azoff was taken
by storm, and the enemy spared neither age, sex, nor condition, but putall to the sword, and laid the city in ashes. Our little fort alone held out;they resolved to reduce us by famine.The twenty janissaries, who wereleft to defend it, had bound themselves by an oath never to surrenderthe place. Being reduced to the extremity of famine, they foundthemselves obliged to kill our two eunuchs, and eat them rather thanviolate their oath. But this horrible repast soon failing them, they nextdetermined to devour the women.
“We had a very pious and humane man, who gave them a most
excellent sermon on this occasion, exhorting them not to kill us all atonce. ‘Cut off only one of the buttocks of each of those ladies,’ said he,
‘and you will fare extremely well; if you are under the n ecessity of
having recourse to the same expedient again, you will find the like
30 V OLTAIRE
supply a few days hence. Heaven will approve of so charitable an
action, and work your deliverance.’
“By the force of this eloquence he easily persuaded them, and all
of us underwent the operation. The man applied the same balsam asthey do to children after circumcision. We were all ready to give up the
ghost.
“The Janissaries had scarcely time to finish the repast with which
we had supplied them, when the Russians attacked the place by meansof flat–bottomed boats, and not a single janissary escaped. TheRussians paid no regard to the condition we were in; but there areFrench surgeons in all parts of the world, and one of them took usunder his care, and cured us. I shall never forget, while I live, that assoon as my wounds were perfectly healed he made me certainproposals. In general, he desired us all to be of a good cheer, assuringus that the like had happened in many sieges; and that it was perfectlyagreeable to the laws of war.
“As soon as my companions were in a condition to walk, they were
sent to Moscow. As for me, I fell to the lot of a Boyard, who put me to
work in his garden, and gave me twenty lashes a day. But thisnobleman having about two years afterwards been broken alive uponthe wheel, with about thirty others, for some court intrigues, I tookadvantage of the event, and made my escape. I traveled over a greatpart of Russia. I was a long time an innkeeper’s servant at Riga, then atRostock, Wismar, Leipsic, Cassel, Utrecht, Leyden, The Hague, andRotterdam. I have grown old in misery and disgrace, living with onlyone buttock, and having in perpetual remembrance that I am a Pope’sdaughter. I have been a hundred times upon the point of killing myself,but still I was fond of life. This ridiculous weakness is, perhaps, one of
the dangerous principles implanted in our nature. For what can be more
absurd than to persist in carrying a burden of which we wish to beeased? to detest, and yet to strive to preserve our existence? In a word,to caress the serpent that devours us, and hug him close to our bosomstill he has gnawed into our hearts?
The Burden of Existence
The old woman concludes her tale by reflecting on the human instinct to preserve life even when it is a source of constant misery and detestation.
She challenges Cunegund to find a single person on their voyage who has not frequently cursed their own existence and considered themselves wretched.
Upon reaching Buenos Ayres, the group encounters the Governor, a man of such extreme pride and arrogance that he inspires immediate dislike in those he meets.
The Governor is instantly captivated by Cunegund’s beauty, creating a potential conflict for Candide, who refuses to lie about their marital status due to his commitment to truth.
Candide reflects on the absence of Pangloss, wishing the philosopher could explain the widespread suffering they observe while feeling newfound doubt toward Pangloss's optimistic teachings.
In a word, to caress the serpent that devours us, and hug him close to our bosom till he has gnawed into our hearts?
erpetual remembrance that I am a Pope’sdaughter. I have been a hundred times upon the point of killing myself,but still I was fond of life. This ridiculous weakness is, perhaps, one of
the dangerous principles implanted in our nature. For what can be more
absurd than to persist in carrying a burden of which we wish to beeased? to detest, and yet to strive to preserve our existence? In a word,to caress the serpent that devours us, and hug him close to our bosomstill he has gnawed into our hearts?
“In the different countries which it has been my fate to traverse,
and at the many inns where I have been a servant, I have observed aprodigious number of people who held their existence in abhorrence,and yet I never knew more than twelve who voluntarily put an end totheir misery; namely, three Negroes, four Englishmen, as manyGenevese, and a German professor named Robek. My last place waswith the Jew, Don Issachar, who placed me near your person, my fair
lady; to whose fortunes I have attached myself, and have been more
concerned with your adventures than with my own. I should never haveeven mentioned the latter to you, had you not a little piqued me on the
Candide 31
head of sufferings; and if it were not customary to tell stories on board
a ship in order to pass away the time.
“In short, my dear miss, I have a great deal of knowledge and
experience in the world, therefore take my advice: divert yourself, andprevail upon each passenger to tell his story, and if there is one of them
all that has not cursed his existence many times, and said to himself
over and over again that he was the most wretched of mortals, I giveyou leave to throw me headfirst into the sea.”
32CHAPTER 13
How Candide Was Obliged to Leave the Fair Cunegund
and the Old Woman
The fair Cunegund, being thus made acquainted with the history of
the old woman’s life and adventures, paid her all the respect andcivility due to a person of her rank and merit. She very readily a cceded
to her proposal of engaging the passengers to relate their adventures in
their turns, and was at length, as well as Candide, compelled to
acknowledge that the old woman was in the right.
“It is a thousand pities,” said Candide, “that the sage Pangloss
should have been hanged contrary to the custom of an auto–da–fe, forhe would have given us a most admirable lecture on the moral andphysical evil which overspreads the earth and sea; and I think I shouldhave courage enough to presume to offer (with all due respect) somefew objections.”
While everyone was reciting his adventures, the ship continued on
her way, and at length arrived at Buenos Ayres, where Cunegund,Captain Candide, and the old woman, landed and went to wait upon thegovernor, Don Fernando d’Ibaraa y Figueora y Mascarenes y
Lampourdos y Souza. This nobleman carried himself with a
haughtiness suitable to a person who bore so many names. He spokewith the most noble disdain to everyone, carried his nose so high,strained his voice to such a pitch, assumed so imperious an air, andstalked with so much loftiness and pride, that everyone who had thehonor of conversing with him was violently tempted to bastinade HisExcellency. He was immoderately fond of women, and Miss Cunegundappeared in his eyes a paragon of beauty. The first thing he did was toask her if she was not the captain’s wife. The air with which he madethis demand alarmed Candide, who did not dare to say he was marriedto her, because indeed he was not; neither did he venture to say she was
his sister, because she was not; and though a lie of this nature proved of
great service to one of the ancients, and might possibly be useful tosome of the moderns, yet the purity of his heart would not permit himto violate the truth.
Candide 33
“Miss Cunegund,” replied he, “is to do me the honor to marry me,
and we humbly beseech Your Excellency to condescend to grace theceremony with your presence.
Survival and Forced Separation
Candide’s commitment to the truth prevents him from lying about his relationship with Cunegund, which allows the Governor to pursue her legally.
The Governor of Buenos Aires offers Cunegund marriage, prompting the old woman to advise her to choose wealth and security over romantic constancy.
Authorities arrive in Buenos Aires searching for the murderers of the Grand Inquisitor after a thief reveals the fugitives' trail.
The old woman orchestrates a split, telling Cunegund to stay under the Governor’s protection while urging Candide to flee immediate execution.
Candide escapes with his versatile new servant Cacambo, a resourceful man of mixed heritage who has held many diverse professions.
What business have you to pride yourself upon an unshaken constancy?
re to say he was marriedto her, because indeed he was not; neither did he venture to say she was
his sister, because she was not; and though a lie of this nature proved of
great service to one of the ancients, and might possibly be useful tosome of the moderns, yet the purity of his heart would not permit himto violate the truth.
Candide 33
“Miss Cunegund,” replied he, “is to do me the honor to marry me,
and we humbly beseech Your Excellency to condescend to grace theceremony with your presence.”
Don Fernando d’Ibaraa y Figueora y Mascarenes y Lampourdos y
Souza, twirling his mustachio, and putting on a sarcastic smile, ordered
Captain Candide to go and review his company. The gentle Candide
obeyed, and the Governor was left with Miss Cunegund. He made her astrong declaration of love, protesting that he was ready to give her hishand in the face of the Church, or otherwise, as should appear mostagreeable to a young lady of her prodigious beauty.Cunegund desiredleave to retire a quarter of an hour to consult the old woman, anddetermine how she should proceed.
The old woman gave her the following counsel:“Miss, you have seventy–two quarterings in your arms, it is true,
but you have not a penny to bless yourself with. It is your own fault ifyou do not become the wife of one of the greatest noblemen in SouthAmerica, with an exceeding fine mustachio. What business have you to
pride yourself upon an unshaken constancy? You have been outraged
by a Bulgarian soldier; a Jew and an Inquisitor have both tasted of yourfavors. People take advantage of misfortunes. I must confess, were I inyour place, I should, without the least scruple, give my hand to theGovernor, and thereby make the fortune of the brave Captain Candide.”
While the old woman was thus haranguing, with all the prudence
that old age and experience furnish, a small bark entered the harbor, inwhich was an alcayde and his alguazils. Matters had fallen out asfollows.
The old woman rightly guessed that the Franciscan with the long
sleeves, was the person who had taken Miss Cunegund’s money and
jewels, while they and Candide were at Badajoz, in their flight from
Lisbon. This same friar attempted to sell some of the diamonds to ajeweler, who presently knew them to have belonged to the GrandInquisitor, and stopped them. The Franciscan, before he was hanged,acknowledged that he had stolen them and described the persons, andthe road they had taken. The flight of Cunegund and Candide wasalready the towntalk. They sent in pursuit of them to Cadiz; and thevessel which had been sent to make the greater dispatch, had nowreached the port of Buenos Ayres. A report was spread that an alcaydewas going to land, and that he was in pursuit of the murderers of MyLord, the Inquisitor. The sage old woman immediately saw what was tobe done.
“You cannot run away,” said she to Cunegund, “but you have
nothing to fear; it was not you who killed My Lord Inquisitor: besides,
34 V OLTAIRE
as the Governor is in love with you, he will not suffer you to be ill–
treated; therefore stand your ground.”
Then hurrying away to Candide, she said, “Be gone hence this
instant, or you will be burned alive.”
Candide found there was no time to be lost; but how could he part
from Cunegund, and whither must he fly for shelter?
35CHAPTER 14
The Reception Candide and Cacambo Met with among
the Jesuits in Paraguay
Candide had brought with him from Cadiz such a footman as one
often meets with on the coasts of Spain and in the colonies. He was thefourth part of a Spaniard, of a mongrel breed, and born in Tucuman. Hehad successively gone through the profession of a singing boy, sexton,
sailor, monk, peddler, soldier, and lackey. His name was Cacambo; he
had a great affection for his master, because his master was a very goodman. He immediately saddled the two Andalusian horses.
“Come, my good master, let us follow the old woman’s advice, and
make all the haste we can from this place without staying to lookbehind us.
Flight to Paraguay
Candide's new valet, Cacambo, is introduced as a loyal and resourceful man of mixed heritage who has held an eclectic variety of jobs across the globe.
Driven by the need to flee the authorities, Cacambo convinces Candide to abandon his search for Cunegund and seek military fortune in Paraguay.
The Jesuit government in Paraguay is portrayed as a paradoxical regime where the religious order holds absolute wealth and power over a moneyless populace.
The narrative highlights the hypocrisy of the Jesuits who wage war against European kings in the colonies while acting as their spiritual confessors in Europe.
The fathers there are masters of everything, and the people have no money at all; this you must allow is the masterpiece of justice and reason.
he colonies. He was thefourth part of a Spaniard, of a mongrel breed, and born in Tucuman. Hehad successively gone through the profession of a singing boy, sexton,
sailor, monk, peddler, soldier, and lackey. His name was Cacambo; he
had a great affection for his master, because his master was a very goodman. He immediately saddled the two Andalusian horses.
“Come, my good master, let us follow the old woman’s advice, and
make all the haste we can from this place without staying to lookbehind us.”
Candide burst into a flood of tears, “O my dear Cunegund, must I
then be compelled to quit you just as the Governor was going to honorus with his presence at our wedding! Cunegund, so long lost and foundagain, what will now become of you?”
“Lord!” said Cacambo, ‘she must do as well as she can; women are
never at a loss. God takes care of them, and so let us make the best of
our way.”
“But whither wilt thou carry me? where can we go? what can we
do without Cunegund?” cried the disconsolate Candide.
“By St. James of Compostella,” said Cacambo, “you were going to
fight against the Jesuits of Paraguay; now let us go and fight for them; Iknow the road perfectly well; I’ll conduct you to their kingdom; theywill be delighted with a captain that understands the Bulgarian drill;you will certainly make a prodigious fortune. If we cannot su cceed in
this world we may in another. It is a great pleasure to see new objectsand perform new exploits.”
“Then you have been in Paraguay?” asked Candide.
“Ay, marry, I have,” replied Cacambo. “I was a scout in the
College of the Assumption, and am as well acquainted with the newgovernment of the Los Padres as I am with the streets of Cadiz. Oh, it isan admirable government, that is most certain! The kingdom is atpresent upwards of three hundred leagues in diameter, and divided intothirty provinces; the fathers there are masters of everything, and the
36 V OLTAIRE
people have no money at all; this you must allow is the masterpiece of
justice and reason. For my part, I see nothing so divine as the goodfathers, who wage war in this part of the world against the troops ofSpain and Portugal, at the same time that they hear the confessions ofthose very princes in Europe; who kill Spaniards in America and send
them to Heaven at Madrid. This pleases me exceedingly, but let us push
forward; you are going to see the happiest and most fortunate of allmortals. How charmed will those fathers be to hear that a captain whounderstands the Bulgarian military drill is coming to them.”
As soon as they reached the first barrier, Cacambo called to the
advance guard, and told them that a captain wanted to speak to MyLord, the General. Notice was given to the main guard, andimmediately a Paraguayan officer ran to throw himself at the feet of theCommandant to impart this news to him. Candide and Cacambo wereimmediately disarmed, and their two Andalusian horses were seized.The two strangers were conducted between two files of musketeers, theCommandant was at the further end with a three–cornered cap on his
head, his gown tucked up, a sword by his side, and a half–pike in his
hand; he made a sign, and instantly four and twenty soldiers drew upround the newcomers. A sergeant told them that they must wait, theCommandant could not speak to them; and that the Reverend FatherProvincial did not suffer any Spaniard to open his mouth but in hispresence, or to stay above three hours in the province.
“And where is the Reverend Father Provincial?” said Cacambo.“He has just come from Mass and is at the parade,” replied the
sergeant, “and in about three hours’ time you may possibly have thehonor to kiss his spurs.”
“But,” said Cacambo, “the Captain, who, as well as myself, is
perishing of hunger, is no Spaniard, but a German; therefore, pray,
might we not be permitted to break our fast till we can be introduced toHis Reverence?”
The sergeant immediately went and acquainted the Commandant
with what he heard.
A Miraculous Reunion
Candide and Cacambo are granted an audience with the Jesuit Commandant in Paraguay after being identified as Germans rather than Spaniards.
The text highlights a sharp social contrast, depicting the Commandant dining in a luxurious pavilion while the native Paraguayans eat coarse corn in the sun.
In a startling coincidence, the Commandant is revealed to be the son of the Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh and the brother of Candide's beloved Cunegund.
The two men share a tearful reunion, marveling at the strange circumstances that brought them from the wreckage of Westphalia to South America.
Candide further shocks the Commandant by revealing that his sister Cunegund survived the Bulgarian attack and is currently in nearby Buenos Ayres.
I must confess this is a strange world we live in. O Pangloss! what joy would this have given you if you had not been hanged.
the Reverend Father Provincial?” said Cacambo.“He has just come from Mass and is at the parade,” replied the
sergeant, “and in about three hours’ time you may possibly have thehonor to kiss his spurs.”
“But,” said Cacambo, “the Captain, who, as well as myself, is
perishing of hunger, is no Spaniard, but a German; therefore, pray,
might we not be permitted to break our fast till we can be introduced toHis Reverence?”
The sergeant immediately went and acquainted the Commandant
with what he heard.
“God be praised,” said the Reverend Commandant, “since he is a
German I will hear what he has to say; let him be brought to my arbor.”
Immediately they conducted Candide to a beautiful pavilion
adomed with a colonnade of green marble, spotted with yellow, andwith an intertexture of vines, which served as a kind of cage for parrots,humming birds, guinea hens, and all other curious kinds of birds. Anexcellent breakfast was provided in vessels of gold; and while the
Paraguayans were eating coarse Indian corn out of wooden dishes in
the open air, and exposed to the burning heat of the sun, the ReverendFather Commandant retired to his cool arbor.
Candide 37
He was a very handsome young man, round–faced, fair, and fresh–
colored, his eyebrows were finely arched, he had a piercing eye, thetips of his ears were red, his lips vermilion, and he had a bold andcommanding air; but such a boldness as neither resembled that of aSpaniard nor of a Jesuit. He ordered Candide and Cacambo to have
their arms restored to them, together with their two Andalusian
horses.Cacambo gave the poor beasts some oats to eat close by thearbor, keeping a strict eye upon them all the while for fear of surprise.
Candide having kissed the hem of the Commandant’s robe, they
sat down to table.
“It seems you are a German,” said the Jesuit to him in that
language.
“Yes, Reverend Father,” answered Candide.As they pronounced these words they looked at each other with
great amazement and with an emotion that neither could conceal.
“From what part of Germany do you come?” said the Jesuit.“From the dirty province of Westphalia,” answered Candide.
“I was born in the castle of Thunder–ten–tronckh.”
“Oh heavens! is it possible?” said the Commandant.“What a miracle!” cried Candide.“Can it be you?” said the Commandant.On this they both drew a few steps backwards, then running into
each other’s arms, embraced, and wept profusely.
“Is it you then, Reverend Father? You are the brother of the fair
Miss Cunegund? You that was slain by the Bulgarians! You theBaron’s son! You a Jesuit in Paraguay! I must confess this is a strangeworld we live in. O Pangloss! what joy would this have given you ifyou had not been hanged.”
The Commandant dismissed the Negro slaves, and the
Paraguayans who presented them with liquor in crystal goblets. Hereturned thanks to God and St. Ignatius a thousand times; he claspedCandide in his arms, and both their faces were bathed in tears.
“You will be more surprised, more affected, more transported,”
said Candide, “when I tell you that Miss Cunegund, your sister, whosebelly was supposed to have been ripped open, is in perfect health.”
“In your neighborhood, with the Governor of Buenos Ayres; and I
myself was going to fight against you.”
Every word they uttered during this long conversation was
productive of some new matter of astonishment. Their souls flutteredon their tongues, listened in their ears, and sparkled in their eyes. Like
true Germans, they continued a long while at table, waiting for the
Reverend Father; and the Commandant spoke to his dear Candide asfollows.
38CHAPTER 15
How Candide Killed the Brother of His Dear Cunegund
Never while I live shall I lose the remembrance of that horrible day
on which I saw my father and mother barbarously butchered before myeyes, and my sister ravished. When the Bulgarians retired we searchedin vain for my dear sister.
The Baron's Fatal Pride
The Baron recounts his miraculous survival following the Bulgarian attack, explaining how a Jesuit priest saved him and recruited him into the order.
Having risen to the rank of colonel and priest in Paraguay, the Baron prepares to defend his territory against Spanish troops.
The initial joy of the reunion turns to rage when Candide declares his intention to marry Cunegund, despite Candide's role as the Baron's deliverer.
Obsessed with social hierarchy, the Baron refuses to allow a marriage to someone without the proper noble quarterings and strikes Candide.
Candide kills the Baron in a moment of instinctual defense, immediately lamenting the irony of having killed three people, including two priests.
Candide in an instant drew his rapier and plunged it up to the hilt in the Jesuit’s body; but in pulling it out reeking hot, he burst into tears.
ues, listened in their ears, and sparkled in their eyes. Like
true Germans, they continued a long while at table, waiting for the
Reverend Father; and the Commandant spoke to his dear Candide asfollows.
38CHAPTER 15
How Candide Killed the Brother of His Dear Cunegund
Never while I live shall I lose the remembrance of that horrible day
on which I saw my father and mother barbarously butchered before myeyes, and my sister ravished. When the Bulgarians retired we searchedin vain for my dear sister. She was nowhere to be found; but the bodiesof my father, mother, and myself, with two servant maids and three
little boys, all of whom had been murdered by the remorseless enemy,
were thrown into a cart to be buried in a chapel belonging to the Jesuits,within two leagues of our family seat. A Jesuit sprinkled us with someholy water, which was confounded salty, and a few drops of it wentinto my eyes; the father perceived that my eyelids stirred a little; he puthis hand upon my breast and felt my heartbeat; upon which he gave meproper assistance, and at the end of three weeks I was perfectlyrecovered. You know, my dear Candide, I was very handsome; Ibecame still more so, and the Reverend Father Croust, superior of thathouse, took a great fancy to me; he gave me the habit of the order, andsome years afterwards I was sent to Rome. Our General stood in needof new recruits of young German Jesuits. The sovereigns of Paraguay
admit of as few Spanish Jesuits as possible; they prefer those of other
nations, as being more obedient to command. The Reverend FatherGeneral looked upon me as a proper person to work in that vineyard. Iset out in company with a Polander and a Tyrolese. Upon my arrival Iwas honored with a subdeaconship and a lieutenancy. Now I amcolonel and priest. We shall give a warm reception to the King ofSpain’s troops; I can assure you they will be well excommunicated andbeaten. Providence has sent you hither to assist us. But is it true that mydear sister Cunegund is in the neighborhood with the Governor ofBuenos Ayres?”
Candide swore that nothing could be more true; and the tears
began again to trickle down their cheeks. The Baron knew no end of
embracing Candide, be called him his brother, his deliverer.
“Perhaps,” said he, “my dear Candide, we shall be fortunate
enough to enter the town, sword in hand, and recover my sisterCunegund.”
Candide 39
“Ah! that would crown my wishes,” replied Candide; “for I
intended to marry her; and I hope I shall still be able to effect it.”
“Insolent fellow!” cried the Baron. “You! you have the impudence
to marry my sister, who bears seventy–two quarterings! Really, I thinkyou have an insufferable degree of assurance to dare so much as to
mention such an audacious design to me.”
Candide, thunderstruck at the oddness of this speech, answered:“Reverend Father, all the quarterings in the world are of no
signification. I have delivered your sister from a Jew and an Inquisitor;she is under many obligations to me, and she is resolved to give me herhand. My master, Pangloss, always told me that mankind are by natureequal. Therefore, you may depend upon it that I will marry your sister.”
“We shall see to that, villain!” said the Jesuit, Baron of Thunder–
ten–tronckh, and struck him across the face with the flat side of hissword. Candide in an instant drew his rapier and plunged it up to thehilt in the Jesuit’s body; but in pulling it out reeking hot, he burst intotears.
“Good God!” cried he, “I have killed my old master, my friend, my
brother–in–law. I am the best man in the world, and yet I have alreadykilled three men, and of these three, two were priests.”
Cacambo, who was standing sentry near the door of the arbor,
instantly ran up.
“Nothing remains,” said his master, “but to sell our lives as dearly
as possible; they will undoubtedly look into the arbor; we must diesword in hand.”
Cacambo, who had seen many of this kind of adventures, was not
discouraged.
Flight and Strange Lovers
After killing the Baron, Candide is overcome with guilt, lamenting his transition from the 'best man in the world' to a killer of three men, two of whom were priests.
Cacambo orchestrates a daring escape by dressing Candide in the dead Baron's Jesuit robes, allowing them to pass the frontier undetected.
Despite his deep existential despair and longing for Cunegund, Candide's physical appetite persists as he eats ham while contemplating his wretched life.
Attempting a heroic rescue in a new land, Candide shoots two monkeys chasing two young women, expecting gratitude for his chivalry and marksmanship.
Candide is shocked to discover that the women were not victims but were actually in a romantic relationship with the monkeys he just killed.
I am the best man in the world, and yet I have already killed three men, and of these three, two were priests.
“Good God!” cried he, “I have killed my old master, my friend, my
brother–in–law. I am the best man in the world, and yet I have alreadykilled three men, and of these three, two were priests.”
Cacambo, who was standing sentry near the door of the arbor,
instantly ran up.
“Nothing remains,” said his master, “but to sell our lives as dearly
as possible; they will undoubtedly look into the arbor; we must diesword in hand.”
Cacambo, who had seen many of this kind of adventures, was not
discouraged. He stripped the Baron of his Jesuit’s habit and put it uponCandide, then gave him the dead man’s three–cornered cap and made
him mount on horseback. All this was done as quick as thought.
“Gallop, master,” cried Cacambo; “everybody will take you for a
Jesuit going to give orders; and we shall have passed the frontiersbefore they will be able to overtake us.”
He flew as he spoke these words, crying out aloud in Spanish,
“Make way; make way for the Reverend Father Colonel.”
40CHAPTER 16
What Happened to Our Two Travelers with Two Girls,
Two Monkeys, and the Savages, Called Oreillons
Candide and his valet had already passed the frontiers before it was
known that the German Jesuit was dead. The wary Cacambo had takencare to fill his wallet with bread, chocolate, some ham, some fruit, anda few bottles of wine. They penetrated with their Andalusian horses
into a strange country, where they could discover no beaten path. At
length a beautiful meadow, intersected with purling rills, opened totheir view. Cacambo proposed to his master to take some nourishment,and he set him an example.
“How can you desire me to feast upon ham, when I have killed the
Baron’s son and am doomed never more to see the beautifulCunegund?What will it avail me to prolong a wretched life that must bespent far from her in remorse and despair? And then what will thejournal of Trevoux say?” was Candide’s reply.
While he was making these reflections he still continued eating.
The sun was now on the point of setting when the ears of our twowanderers were assailed with cries which seemed to be uttered by a
female voice.They could not tell whether these were cries of grief or of
joy; however, they instantly started up, full of that inquietude andapprehension which a strange place naturally inspires. The criesproceeded from two young women who were tripping disrobed alongthe mead, while two monkeys followed close at their heels biting attheir limbs. Candide was touched with compassion; he had learned toshoot while he was among the Bulgarians, and he could hit a filbert in ahedge without touching a leaf. Accordingly he took up his double–barrelled Spanish gun, pulled the trigger, and laid the two monkeyslifeless on the ground.
“God be praised, my dear Cacambo, I have rescued two poor girls
from a most perilous situation; if I have committed a sin in killing an
Inquisitor and a Jesuit, I have made ample amends by saving the livesof these two distressed damsels. Who knows but they may be youngladies of a good family, and that the assistance I have been so happy togive them may procure us great advantage in this country?”
Candide 41
He was about to continue when he felt himself struck speechless at
seeing the two girls embracing the dead bodies of the monkeys in thetenderest manner, bathing their wounds with their tears, and rending theair with the most doleful lamentations.
“Really,” said he to Cacambo, “I should not have expected to see
such a prodigious share of good nature.”
“Master,” replied the knowing valet, “you have made a precious
piece of work of it; do you know that you have killed the lovers of
these two ladies?”
“Their lovers! Cacambo, you are jesting! It cannot be! I can never
believe it.”
“Dear sir,” replied Cacambo, “you are surprised at everything.
Why should you think it so strange that there should be a country wheremonkeys insinuate themselves into the good graces of the ladies?Theyare the fourth part of a man as I am the fourth part of a Spaniard.”
“Alas!
Cannibals and Pure Nature
Candide discovers that the monkeys he killed were the beloved companions of the two women he thought he was rescuing.
The local Oreillons capture the duo, intending to cook and consume them as a form of revenge against the Jesuits.
Faced with death, Candide questions the optimism of his mentor Pangloss and the reality of 'pure nature.'
Cacambo maintains his composure and attempts to save them by appealing to the tribe's logic and their shared hatred of the Jesuit order.
Cacambo argues that Candide is an ally because he has recently killed a Jesuit rather than being a member of the order himself.
Everything is right; it may be so; but I must confess it is something hard to be bereft of dear Miss Cunegund, and to be spitted like a rabbit by these barbarous Oreillons.
,” replied the knowing valet, “you have made a precious
piece of work of it; do you know that you have killed the lovers of
these two ladies?”
“Their lovers! Cacambo, you are jesting! It cannot be! I can never
believe it.”
“Dear sir,” replied Cacambo, “you are surprised at everything.
Why should you think it so strange that there should be a country wheremonkeys insinuate themselves into the good graces of the ladies?Theyare the fourth part of a man as I am the fourth part of a Spaniard.”
“Alas!” replied Candide, “I remember to have heard my master
Pangloss say that such accidents as these frequently came to pass in
former times, and that these commixtures are productive of centaurs,
fauns, and satyrs; and that many of the ancients had seen suchmonsters; but I looked upon the whole as fabulous.”
“Now you are convinced,” said Cacambo, “that it is very true, and
you see what use is made of those creatures by persons who have nothad a proper education; all I am afraid of is that these same ladies mayplay us some ugly trick.”
These judicious reflections operated so far on Candide as to make
him quit the meadow and strike into a thicket. There he and Cacambosupped, and after heartily cursing the Grand Inquisitor, the Governor ofBuenos Ayres, and the Baron, they fell asleep on the ground. When
they awoke they were surprised to find that they could not move; the
reason was that the Oreillons who inhabit that country, and to whomthe ladies had given information of these two strangers, had boundthem with cords made of the bark of trees. They saw themselvessurrounded by fifty naked Oreillons armed with bows and arrows,clubs, and hatchets of flint; some were making a fire under a largecauldron; and others were preparing spits, crying out one and all, “AJesuit! a Jesuit! we shall be revenged; we shall have excellent cheer; letus eat this Jesuit; let us eat him up.”
“I told you, master,” cried Cacambo, mournfully, “that these two
wenches would play us some scurvy trick.”
Candide, seeing the cauldron and the spits, cried out, “I suppose
they are going either to boil or roast us. Ah! what would Pangloss say if
he were to see how pure nature is formed? Everything is right; it may
42 V OLTAIRE
be so; but I must confess it is something hard to be bereft of dear Miss
Cunegund, and to be spitted like a rabbit by these barbarous Oreillons.”
Cacambo, who never lost his presence of mind in distress, said to
the disconsolate Candide, “Do not despair; I understand a little of thejargon of these people; I will speak to them.”
“Ay, pray do,” said Candide, “and be sure you make them sensible
of the horrid barbarity of boiling and roasting human creatures, andhow little of Christianity there is in such practices.”
“Gentlemen,” said Cacambo, “you think perhaps you are going to
feast upon a Jesuit; if so, it is mighty well; nothing can be moreagreeable to justice than thus to treat your enemies. Indeed the law ofnature teaches us to kill our neighbor, and accordingly we find thispracticed all over the world; and if we do not indulge ourselves ineating human flesh, it is because we have much better fare; but for yourparts, who have not such resources as we, it is certainly much betterjudged to feast upon your enemies than to throw their bodies to thefowls of the air; and thus lose all the fruits of your victory.
“But surely, gentlemen, you would not choose to eat your
friends.You imagine you are going to roast a Jesuit, whereas my masteris your friend, your defender, and you are going to spit the very manwho has been destroying your enemies; as to myself, I am yourcountryman; this gentleman is my master, and so far from being aJesuit, give me leave to tell you he has very lately killed one of thatorder, whose spoils he now wears, and which have probably occasionedyour mistake.
The Mercy of Cannibals
Cacambo successfully avoids a grisly death by convincing the Oreillons that Candide is an enemy of the Jesuits rather than a member of the order.
Upon verifying that Candide killed a Jesuit officer, the Oreillons celebrate the pair and provide them with refreshments and safe passage to the frontier.
Candide ironically muses on the excellence of 'pure nature,' noting that he only survived being eaten because he had murdered his beloved's brother.
Facing starvation and insurmountable terrain after their horses die, the travelers decide to drift down an unknown river in an empty canoe in search of civilization.
If I had not fortunately run my sword up to the hilt in the body of Miss Cunegund’s brother, I should have certainly been eaten alive.
he fruits of your victory.
“But surely, gentlemen, you would not choose to eat your
friends.You imagine you are going to roast a Jesuit, whereas my masteris your friend, your defender, and you are going to spit the very manwho has been destroying your enemies; as to myself, I am yourcountryman; this gentleman is my master, and so far from being aJesuit, give me leave to tell you he has very lately killed one of thatorder, whose spoils he now wears, and which have probably occasionedyour mistake. To convince you of the truth of what I say, take the habithe has on and carry it to the first barrier of the Jesuits’ kingdom, andinquire whether my master did not kill one of their officers. There willbe little or no time lost by this, and you may still reserve our bodies in
your power to feast on if you should find what we have told you to be
false. But, on the contrary, if you find it to be true, I am persuaded youare too well acquainted with the principles of the laws of society,humanity, and justice, not to use us courteously, and suffer us to departunhurt.”
This speech appeared very reasonable to the Oreillons; they
deputed two of their people with all expedition to inquire into the truthof this affair, who acquitted themselves of their commission like menof sense, and soon returned with good tidings for our distressedadventurers. Upon this they were loosed, and those who were so latelygoing to roast and boil them now showed them all sorts of civilities,offered them girls, gave them refreshments, and reconducted them to
the confines of their country, crying before them all the way, in token
of joy, “He is no Jesuit! he is no Jesuit!”
Candide 43
Candide could not help admiring the cause of his
deliverance.”What men! what manners!” cried he. “If I had notfortunately run my sword up to the hilt in the body of Miss Cunegund’sbrother, I should have certainly been eaten alive. But, after all, purenature is an excellent thing; since these people, instead of eating me,
showed me a thousand civilities as soon as they knew was not a Jesuit.”
44CHAPTER 17
Candide and His Valet Arrive in the Country of El
Dorado – What They Saw There
When to the frontiers of the Oreillons, said Cacambo to Candide,
“You see, this hemisphere is not better than the other; now take myadvice and let us return to Europe by the shortest way possible.”
“But how can we get back?” said Candide; “and whither shall we
go?To my own country? The Bulgarians and the Abares are laying that
waste with fire and sword. Or shall we go to Portugal? There I shall beburned; and if we abide here we are every moment in danger of beingspitted. But how can I bring myself to quit that part of the world wheremy dear Miss Cunegund has her residence?”
“Let us return towards Cayenne,” said Cacambo. “There we shall
meet with some Frenchmen, for you know those gentry ramble all overthe world. Perhaps they will assist us, and God will look with pity onour distress.”
It was not so easy to get to Cayenne. They knew pretty nearly
whereabouts it lay; but the mountains, rivers, precipices, robbers,savages, were dreadful obstacles in the way. Their horses died with
fatigue and their provisions were at an end. They subsisted a whole
month on wild fruit, till at length they came to a little river borderedwith cocoa trees; the sight of which at once revived their droopingspirits and furnished nourishment for their enfeebled bodies.
Cacambo, who was always giving as good advice as the old
woman herself, said to Candide, “You see there is no holding out anylonger; we have traveled enough on foot. I spy an empty canoe near theriver side; let us fill it with cocoanuts, get into it, and go down with thestream; a river always leads to some inhabited place. If we do not meetwith agreeable things, we shall at least meet with something new.”
“Agreed,” replied Candide; “let us recommend ourselves to
Providence.
Discovery of Eldorado
Candide and Cacambo decide to escape their exhaustion by taking a canoe down a river, trusting in Providence to lead them to a new inhabited place.
The journey involves a terrifying passage through a tunnel of rocks that destroys their boat but delivers them to a beautiful, cultivated plain.
They observe a utopian society where citizens use red sheep for transport and children play with gold and emeralds as if they were worthless pebbles.
A local schoolmaster dismisses Candide's attempt to return the precious stones, revealing a profound cultural contempt for material wealth.
The travelers reach a grand house where they realize Cacambo’s native Peruvian language is spoken, finally allowing them to communicate with the locals.
The schoolmaster, with a smile, flung them upon the ground, then examining Candide from head to foot with an air of admiration, he turned his back and went on his way.
eir enfeebled bodies.
Cacambo, who was always giving as good advice as the old
woman herself, said to Candide, “You see there is no holding out anylonger; we have traveled enough on foot. I spy an empty canoe near theriver side; let us fill it with cocoanuts, get into it, and go down with thestream; a river always leads to some inhabited place. If we do not meetwith agreeable things, we shall at least meet with something new.”
“Agreed,” replied Candide; “let us recommend ourselves to
Providence.”
They rowed a few leagues down the river, the banks of which were
in some places covered with flowers; in others barren; in some partssmooth and level, and in others steep and rugged. The stream widenedas they went further on, till at length it passed under one of the frightfulrocks, whose summits seemed to reach the clouds. Here our two
Candide 45
travelers had the courage to commit themselves to the stream, which,
contracting in this part, hurried them along with a dreadful noise andrapidity.
At the end of four and twenty hours they saw daylight again; but
their canoe was dashed to pieces against the rocks. They were obliged
to creep along, from rock to rock, for the space of a league, till at length
a spacious plain presented itself to their sight. This place was boundedby a chain of inaccessible mountains.The country appeared cultivatedequally for pleasure and to produce the necessaries of life. The usefuland agreeable were here equally blended. The roads were covered, orrather adorned, with carriages formed of glittering materials, in whichwere men and women of a surprising beauty, drawn with great rapidityby red sheep of a very large size; which far surpassed the finestcoursers of Andalusian Tetuan, or Mecquinez.
“Here is a country, however,” said Candide, “preferable to
Westphalia.”
He and Cacambo landed near the first village they saw, at the
entrance of which they perceived some children covered with tattered
garments of the richest brocade, playing at quoits. Our two inhabitantsof the other hemisphere amused themselves greatly with what they saw.The quoits were large, round pieces, yellow, red, and green, which casta most glorious luster. Our travelers picked some of them up, and theyproved to be gold, emeralds, rubies, and diamonds; the least of whichwould have been the greatest ornament to the superb throne of theGreat Mogul.
“Without doubt,” said Cacambo, “those children must be the
King’s sons that are playing at quoits.”
As he was uttering these words the schoolmaster of the village
appeared, who came to call the children to school.
“There,” said Candide, “is the preceptor of the royal family.”The little ragamuffins immediately quitted their diversion, leaving
the quoits on the ground with all their other playthings.Candidegathered them up, ran to the schoolmaster, and, with a most respectfulbow, presented them to him, giving him to understand by signs thattheir Royal Highnesses had forgot their gold and precious stones. Theschoolmaster, with a smile, flung them upon the ground, thenexamining Candide from head to foot with an air of admiration, heturned his back and went on his way.
Our travelers took care, however, to gather up the gold, the rubies,
and the emeralds.
“Where are we?” cried Candide. “The King’s children in this
country must have an excellent education, since they are taught to showsuch a contempt for gold and precious stones.”
46 V OLTAIRE
Cacambo was as much surprised as his master. They then drew
near the first house in the village, which was built after the manner of aEuropean palace. There was a crowd of people about the door, and astill greater number in the house. The sound of the most delightfulinstruments of music was heard, and the most agreeable smell came
from the kitchen. Cacambo went up to the door and heard those within
talking in the Peruvian language, which was his mother tongue; foreveryone knows that Cacambo was born in a village of Tucuman,where no other language is spoken.
Wonders of El Dorado
Candide and Cacambo discover a village where the inns resemble palaces and the staff is dressed in cloth of gold.
The travelers are served a lavish feast of exotic animals and liquors, served on rock-crystal dishes by polite government-funded staff.
When they attempt to pay with large gold pieces found on the ground, the hosts laugh at them for offering 'common pebbles' as currency.
The landlord explains that in this kingdom, all inns are maintained by the state for the convenience of commerce and travel.
Candide begins to believe this hidden country is the one place on Earth where 'everything is right,' unlike his experiences in Westphalia.
They visit a retired courtier living in a home made of silver and gold, which the inhabitants regard as a place of great simplicity.
Pardon us, therefore, for laughing when you offered us the common pebbles of our highways for payment of your reckoning.
r the first house in the village, which was built after the manner of aEuropean palace. There was a crowd of people about the door, and astill greater number in the house. The sound of the most delightfulinstruments of music was heard, and the most agreeable smell came
from the kitchen. Cacambo went up to the door and heard those within
talking in the Peruvian language, which was his mother tongue; foreveryone knows that Cacambo was born in a village of Tucuman,where no other language is spoken.
“I will be your interpreter here,” said he to Candide. “Let us go in;
this is an eating house.”
Immediately two waiters and two servant–girls, dressed in cloth of
gold, and their hair braided with ribbons of tissue, accosted thestrangers and invited them to sit down to the ordinary. Their dinnerconsisted of four dishes of different soups, each garnished with twoyoung paroquets, a large dish of bouille that weighed two hundredweight, two roasted monkeys of a delicious flavor, three hundred
hummingbirds in one dish, and six hundred flybirds in another; some
excellent ragouts, delicate tarts, and the whole served up in dishes ofrock–crystal. Several sorts of liquors, extracted from the sugarcane,were handed about by the servants who attended.
Most of the company were chapmen and wagoners, all extremely
polite; they asked Cacambo a few questions with the utmost discretionand circumspection; and replied to his in a most obliging andsatisfactory manner.
As soon as dinner was over, both Candide and Cacambo thought
they should pay very handsomely for their entertainment by layingdown two of those large gold pieces which they had picked off the
ground; but the landlord and landlady burst into a fit of laughing and
held their sides for some time.
When the fit was over, the landlord said, “Gentlemen, I plainly
perceive you are strangers, and such we are not accustomed to charge;pardon us, therefore, for laughing when you offered us the commonpebbles of our highways for payment of your reckoning. To be sure,you have none of the coin of this kingdom; but there is no necessity ofhaving any money at all to dine in this house. All the inns, which areestablished for the convenience of those who carry on the trade of thisnation, are maintained by the government. You have found but veryindifferent entertainment here, because this is only a poor village; butin almost every other of these public houses you will meet with a
reception worthy of persons of your merit.”
Candide 47
Cacambo explained the whole of this speech of the landlord to
Candide, who listened to it with the same astonishment with which hisfriend communicated it.
“What sort of a country is this,” said the one to the other, “that is
unknown to all the world; and in which Nature has everywhere so
different an appearance to what she has in ours? Possibly this is that
part of the globe where everywhere is right, for there must certainly besome such place. And, for all that Master Pangloss could say, I oftenperceived that things went very ill in Westphalia.”
48CHAPTER 18
What They Saw in the Country of El Dorado
Cacambo vented all his curiosity upon his landlord by a thousand
different questions; the honest man answered him thus, “I am veryignorant, sir, but I am contented with my ignorance; however, we havein this neighborhood an old man retired from court, who is the mostlearned and communicative person in the whole kingdom.”
He then conducted Cacambo to the old man; Candide acted now
only a second character, and attended his valet. They entered a veryplain house, for the door was nothing but silver, and the ceiling wasonly of beaten gold, but wrought in such elegant taste as to vie with therichest. The antechamber, indeed, was only incrusted with rubies andemeralds; but the order in which everything was disposed made amendsfor this great simplicity.
The Secrets of El Dorado
Candide and Cacambo visit a wise 172-year-old man living in a house of gold and jewels that is considered simple by local standards.
The old man reveals that El Dorado is a remnant of the Incan empire that chose isolation to preserve its innocence and happiness.
Geographical barriers protect the kingdom from the 'rapacious fury' of Europeans who value their common stones as precious wealth.
The citizens practice a pure religion of gratitude, rejecting petitionary prayer because they lack nothing.
The society functions without a professional clergy, avoiding the theological disputes and persecutions common in Europe.
“Do you take us for fools?” said the old man. “Here we are all of one opinion, and know not what you mean by your monks.”
is the mostlearned and communicative person in the whole kingdom.”
He then conducted Cacambo to the old man; Candide acted now
only a second character, and attended his valet. They entered a veryplain house, for the door was nothing but silver, and the ceiling wasonly of beaten gold, but wrought in such elegant taste as to vie with therichest. The antechamber, indeed, was only incrusted with rubies andemeralds; but the order in which everything was disposed made amendsfor this great simplicity.
The old man received the strangers on his sofa, which was stuffed
with hummingbirds’ feathers; and ordered his servants to present themwith liquors in golden goblets, after which he satisfied their curiosity inthe following terms.
“I am now one hundred and seventy–two years old, and I learned
of my late father, who was equerry to the King, the amazing
revolutions of Peru, to which he had been an eyewitness. This kingdomis the ancient patrimony of the Incas, who very imprudently quitted it toconquer another part of the world, and were at length conquered anddestroyed themselves by the Spaniards.
“Those princes of their family who remained in their native
country acted more wisely. They ordained, with the consent of theirwhole nation, that none of the inhabitants of our little kingdom shouldever quit it; and to this wise ordinance we owe the preservation of ourinnocence and happiness. The Spaniards had some confused notion ofthis country, to which they gave the name of El Dorado; and Sir Walter
Raleigh, an Englishman, actually came very near it about three hundred
years ago; but the inaccessible rocks and precipices with which ourcountry is surrounded on all sides, has hitherto secured us from therapacious fury of the people of Europe, who have an unaccountablefondness for the pebbles and dirt of our land, for the sake of which theywould murder us all to the very last man.”
Candide 49
The conversation lasted some time and turned chiefly on the form
of government, their manners, their women, their public diversions, andthe arts. At length, Candide, who had always had a taste formetaphysics, asked whether the people of that country had any religion.
The old man reddened a little at this question.
“Can you doubt it?” said he; “do you take us for wretches lost to
all sense of gratitude?”
Cacambo asked in a respectful manner what was the established
religion of El Dorado. The old man blushed again and said, “Can therebe two religions, then? Ours, I apprehend, is the religion of the wholeworld; we worship God from morning till night.”
“Do you worship but one God?” said Cacambo, who still acted as
the interpreter of Candide’s doubts.
“Certainly,” said the old man; “there are not two, nor three, nor
four Gods. I must confess the people of your world ask veryextraordinary questions.”
However, Candide could not refrain from making many more
inquiries of the old man; he wanted to know in what manner they
prayed to God in El Dorado.
“We do not pray to Him at all,” said the reverend sage; “we have
nothing to ask of Him, He has given us all we want, and we give Himthanks incessantly.”
Candide had a curiosity to see some of their priests, and desired
Cacambo to ask the old man where they were. At which he smilingsaid, “My friends, we are all of us priests; the King and all the heads offamilies sing solemn hymns of thanksgiving every morning,accompanied by five or six thousand musicians.”
“What!” said Cacambo, “have you no monks among you to
dispute, to govern, to intrigue, and to burn people who are not of the
same opinion with themselves?”
“Do you take us for fools?” said the old man. “Here we are all of
one opinion, and know not what you mean by your monks.”
During the whole of this discourse Candide was in raptures, and he
said to himself, “What a prodigious difference is there between thisplace and Westphalia; and this house and the Baron’s castle. Ah,Master Pangloss!
The Wonders of El Dorado
The old man explains that El Dorado is free from religious conflict and monks, prompting Candide to reject Pangloss's belief that Westphalia was the pinnacle of existence.
The travelers are transported in a magnificent sheep-drawn coach to a palace featuring a portal built of materials far superior to gold and gems.
El Dorado’s social customs prioritize equality and grace, requiring visitors to embrace the King rather than perform demeaning acts of prostration.
The city lacks prisons and courts of law because there are no lawsuits, highlighting a society built on mutual agreement and scientific progress.
“Do you take us for fools?” said the old man. “Here we are all of one opinion, and know not what you mean by your monks.”
ians.”
“What!” said Cacambo, “have you no monks among you to
dispute, to govern, to intrigue, and to burn people who are not of the
same opinion with themselves?”
“Do you take us for fools?” said the old man. “Here we are all of
one opinion, and know not what you mean by your monks.”
During the whole of this discourse Candide was in raptures, and he
said to himself, “What a prodigious difference is there between thisplace and Westphalia; and this house and the Baron’s castle. Ah,Master Pangloss! had you ever seen El Dorado, you would no longerhave maintained that the castle of Thunder–ten–tronckh was the finestof all possible edifices; there is nothing like seeing the world, that’scertain.”
This long conversation being ended, the old man ordered six sheep
to be harnessed and put to the coach, and sent twelve of his servants to
escort the travelers to court.
50 V OLTAIRE
“Excuse me,” said he, “for not waiting on you in person, my age
deprives me of that honor. The King will receive you in such a mannerthat you will have no reason to complain; and doubtless you will makea proper allowance for the customs of the country if they should nothappen altogether to please you.”
Candide and Cacambo got into the coach, the six sheep flew, and,
in less than a quarter of an hour, they arrived at the King’s palace,which was situated at the further end of the capital. At the entrance wasa portal two hundred and twenty feet high and one hundred wide; but itis impossible for words to express the materials of which it was built.The reader, however, will readily conceive that they must have aprodigious superiority over the pebbles and sand, which we call goldand precious stones.
Twenty beautiful young virgins in waiting received Candide and
Cacambo on their alighting from the coach, conducted them to the bathand clad them in robes woven of the down of hummingbirds; afterwhich they were introduced by the great officers of the crown of both
sexes to the King’s apartment, between two files of musicians, each file
consisting of a thousand, agreeable to the custom of the country.
When they drew near to the presence–chamber, Cacambo asked
one of the officers in what manner they were to pay their obeisance toHis Majesty; whether it was the custom to fall upon their knees, or toprostrate themselves upon the ground; whether they were to put theirhands upon their heads, or behind their backs; whether they were to lickthe dust off the floor; in short, what was the ceremony usual on suchoccasions.
“The custom,” said the great officer, “is to embrace the King and
kiss him on each cheek.”
Candide and Cacambo accordingly threw their arms round His
Majesty’s neck, who received them in the most gracious mannerimaginable, and very politely asked them to sup with him.
While supper was preparing, orders were given to show them the
city, where they saw public structures that reared their lofty heads tothe clouds; the marketplaces decorated with a thousand columns;fountains of spring water, besides others of rose water, and of liquorsdrawn from the sugarcane, incessantly flowing in the great squares,which were paved with a kind of precious stones that emitted an odorlike that of cloves and cinnamon.
Candide asked to see the High Court of justice, the Parliament; but
was answered that they had none in that country, being utter strangers
to lawsuits. He then inquired if they had any prisons; they replied none.
But what gave him at once the greatest surprise and pleasure was thePalace of Sciences, where he saw a gallery two thousand feet long,
Candide 51
filled with the various apparatus in mathematics and natural
philosophy.
After having spent the whole afternoon in seeing only about the
thousandth part of the city, they were brought back to the King’spalace. Candide sat down at the table with His Majesty, his valet
Cacambo, and several ladies of the court.
Departing the Golden Utopia
Candide explores the Palace of Sciences, marvelling at the mathematical apparatus and the total absence of a judicial or carceral system.
The King of El Dorado exhibits extraordinary wit and egalitarian hospitality, treating the travelers as social equals during their month-long stay.
Candide and Cacambo decide to leave paradise, driven by a desire to be superior to others in Europe rather than merely happy in El Dorado.
The King grants them leave, asserting that all men are free by nature, even though he views their decision to depart as a rash and silly action.
A massive engineering project involving three thousand machinists is undertaken to construct a machine capable of lifting the travelers over the impenetrable mountains.
A fondness for roving, for making a figure in their own country, and for boasting of what they had seen in their travels, was so powerful in our two wanderers that they resolved to be no longer happy; and demanded permission of the King to quit the country.
if they had any prisons; they replied none.
But what gave him at once the greatest surprise and pleasure was thePalace of Sciences, where he saw a gallery two thousand feet long,
Candide 51
filled with the various apparatus in mathematics and natural
philosophy.
After having spent the whole afternoon in seeing only about the
thousandth part of the city, they were brought back to the King’spalace. Candide sat down at the table with His Majesty, his valet
Cacambo, and several ladies of the court. Never was entertainment
more elegant, nor could any one possibly show more wit than HisMajesty displayed while they were at supper. Cacambo explained allthe King’s bons mots to Candide, and, although they were translated,they still appeared to be bons mots. Of all the things that surprisedCandide, this was not the least.
They spent a whole month in this hospitable place, during which
time Candide was continually saying to Cacambo, “I own, my friend,once more, that the castle where I was born is a mere nothing incomparison to the place where we now are; but still Miss Cunegund isnot here, and you yourself have doubtless some fair one in Europe forwhom you sigh. If we remain here we shall only be as others are;
whereas if we return to our own world with only a dozen of El Dorado
sheep, loaded with the pebbles of this country, we shall be richer thanall the kings in Europe; we shall no longer need to stand in awe of theInquisitors; and we may easily recover Miss Cunegund.”
This speech was perfectly agreeable to Cacambo. A fondness for
roving, for making a figure in their own country, and for boasting ofwhat they had seen in their travels, was so powerful in our twowanderers that they resolved to be no longer happy; and demandedpermission of the King to quit the country.
“You are about to do a rash and silly action,” said the King. “I am
sensible my kingdom is an inconsiderable spot; but when people are
tolerably at their ease in any place, I should think it would be to their
interest to remain there. Most assuredly, I have no right to detain you,or any strangers, against your wills; this is an act of tyranny to whichour manners and our laws are equally repugnant. All men are by naturefree; you have therefore an undoubted liberty to depart whenever youplease, but you will have many and great difficulties to encounter inpassing the frontiers. It is impossible to ascend that rapid river whichruns under high and vaulted rocks, and by which you were conveyedhither by a kind of miracle. The mountains by which my kingdom arehemmed in on all sides, are ten thousand feet high, and perfectlyperpendicular; they are above ten leagues across, and the descent fromthem is one continued precipice.
“However, since you are determined to leave us, I will
immediately give orders to the superintendent of my carriages to causeone to be made that will convey you very safely. When they have
52 V OLTAIRE
conducted you to the back of the mountains, nobody can attend you
farther; for my subjects have made a vow never to quit the kingdom,and they are too prudent to break it. Ask me whatever else you please.”
“All we shall ask of Your Majesty,” said Cacambo, “is only a few
sheep laden with provisions, pebbles, and the clay of your country.”
The King smiled at the request and said, “I cannot imagine what
pleasure you Europeans find in our yellow clay; but take away as muchof it as you will, and much good may it do you.”
He immediately gave orders to his engineers to make a machine to
hoist these two extraordinary men out of the kingdom. Three thousandgood machinists went to work and finished it in about fifteen days, andit did not cost more than twenty millions sterling of that country’smoney.
The Price of Sugar
The King of Eldorado graciously provides a custom-built mechanical hoist to help Candide and Cacambo exit the isolated kingdom with a massive fortune.
Intending to rescue Miss Cunegund, the travelers depart with over a hundred sheep laden with gold, diamonds, and precious stones.
A hundred-day journey through deserts and morasses decimates their caravan, leaving them with only two sheep and a fraction of their original treasure.
Arriving in Surinam, they encounter a Dutch-owned slave who has lost a hand and a leg to the industrial cruelty of the sugar works.
The slave's harrowing testimony exposes the systemic exploitation and human misery required to provide luxury goods to the European market.
Both these cases have happened to me, and it is at this expense that you eat sugar in Europe
pebbles, and the clay of your country.”
The King smiled at the request and said, “I cannot imagine what
pleasure you Europeans find in our yellow clay; but take away as muchof it as you will, and much good may it do you.”
He immediately gave orders to his engineers to make a machine to
hoist these two extraordinary men out of the kingdom. Three thousandgood machinists went to work and finished it in about fifteen days, andit did not cost more than twenty millions sterling of that country’smoney. Candide and Cacambo were placed on this machine, and theytook with them two large red sheep, bridled and saddled, to ride upon,when they got on the other side of the mountains; twenty others toserve as sumpters for carrying provisions; thirty laden with presents ofwhatever was most curious in the country, and fifty with gold,
diamonds, and other precious stones. The King, at parting with our two
adventurers, embraced them with the greatest cordiality.
It was a curious sight to behold the manner of their setting off, and
the ingenious method by which they and their sheep were hoisted to thetop of the mountains. The machinists and engineers took leave of themas soon as they had conveyed them to a place of safety, and Candidewas wholly occupied with the thoughts of presenting his sheep to MissCunegund.
“Now,” cried he, “thanks to Heaven, we have more than sufficient
to pay the Governor of Buenos Ayres for Miss Cunegund, if she isredeemable. Let us make the best of our way to Cayenne, where we
will take shipping and then we may at leisure think of what kingdom
we shall purchase with our riches.”
53CHAPTER 19
What Happened to Them at Surinam, and How Candide
Became Acquainted with Martin
Our travelers’ first day’s journey was very pleasant; they were
elated with the prospect of possessing more riches than were to befound in Europe, Asia, and Africa together. Candide, in amoroustransports, cut the name of Miss Cunegund on almost every tree he
came to. The second day two of their sheep sunk in a morass, and were
swallowed up with their Jading; two more died of fatigue; some fewdays afterwards seven or eight perished with hunger in a desert, andothers, at different times, tumbled down precipices, or were otherwiselost, so that, after traveling about a hundred days they had only twosheep left of the hundred and two they brought with them from ElDorado.
Said Candide to Cacambo, “You see, my dear friend, how
perishable the riches of this world are; there is nothing solid but virtue.”
“Very true,” said Cacambo, “but we have still two sheep
remaining, with more treasure than ever the King of Spain will bepossessed of; and I espy a town at a distance, which I take to be
Surinam, a town belonging to the Dutch. We are now at the end of our
troubles, and at the beginning of happiness.”
As they drew near the town they saw a Negro stretched on the
ground with only one half of his habit, which was a kind of linen frock;for the poor man had lost his left leg and his right hand.
“Good God,” said Candide in Dutch, “what dost thou here, friend,
in this deplorable condition?”
“I am waiting for my master, Mynheer Vanderdendur, the famous
trader,” answered the Negro.
“Was it Mynheer Vanderdendur that used you in this cruel
manner?”
“Yes, sir,” said the Negro; “it is the custom here. They give a linen
garment twice a year, and that is all our covering. When we labor in thesugar works, and the mill happens to snatch hold of a finger, theyinstantly chop off our hand; and when we attempt to run away, they cutoff a leg. Both these cases have happened to me, and it is at thisexpense that you eat sugar in Europe; and yet when my mother sold me
54 V OLTAIRE
for ten patacoons on the coast of Guinea, she said to me, ‘My dear
child, bless our fetishes; adore them forever; they will make thee livehappy; thou hast the honor to be a slave to our lords the whites, bywhich thou wilt make the fortune of us thy parents.’
“Alas!
The Price of Sugar
Candide encounters a mutilated slave whose condition exposes the brutal human cost of the European sugar trade.
The slave critiques the hypocrisy of religious figures who preach equality while presiding over horrific systemic abuse.
Overwhelmed by the slave's suffering, Candide finally rejects Pangloss's philosophy of Optimism.
Candide devises a plan to ransom Cunegund from the Governor of Buenos Ayres by sending the clever Cacambo with diamonds.
While waiting in Surinam, Candide's wealth and honesty make him a target for greedy merchants and shipmasters.
Alas! I know not whether I have made their fortunes; but they have not made mine; dogs, monkeys, and parrots are a thousand times less wretched than I.
of a finger, theyinstantly chop off our hand; and when we attempt to run away, they cutoff a leg. Both these cases have happened to me, and it is at thisexpense that you eat sugar in Europe; and yet when my mother sold me
54 V OLTAIRE
for ten patacoons on the coast of Guinea, she said to me, ‘My dear
child, bless our fetishes; adore them forever; they will make thee livehappy; thou hast the honor to be a slave to our lords the whites, bywhich thou wilt make the fortune of us thy parents.’
“Alas! I know not whether I have made their fortunes; but they
have not made mine; dogs, monkeys, and parrots are a thousand times
less wretched than I. The Dutch fetishes who converted me tell meevery Sunday that the blacks and whites are all children of one father,whom they call Adam. As for me, I do not understand anything ofgenealogies; but if what these preachers say is true, we are all secondcousins; and you must allow that it is impossible to be worse treated byour relations than we are.”
“O Pangloss!” cried out Candide, “such horrid doings never
entered thy imagination. Here is an end of the matter. I find myself,after all, obliged to renounce thy Optimism.”
“Optimism,” said Cacambo, “what is that?”“Alas!” replied Candide, “it is the obstinacy of maintaining that
everything is best when it is worst.”
And so saying he turned his eyes towards the poor Negro, and shed
a flood of tears; and in this weeping mood he entered the town ofSurinam.
Immediately upon their arrival our travelers inquired if there was
any vessel in the harbor which they might send to Buenos Ayres. Theperson they addressed themselves to happened to be the master of aSpanish bark, who offered to agree with them on moderate terms, andappointed them a meeting at a public house. Thither Candide and hisfaithful Cacambo went to wait for him, taking with them their twosheep.
Candide, who was all frankness and sincerity, made an ingenuous
recital of his adventures to the Spaniard, declaring to him at the sametime his resolution of carrying off Miss Cunegund from the Governorof Buenos Ayres.
“Oh, ho!” said the shipmaster, “if that is the case, get whom you
please to carry you to Buenos Ayres; for my part, I wash my hands ofthe affair. It would prove a hanging matter to us all. The fair Cunegundis the Governor’s favorite mistress.”
These words were like a clap of thunder to Candide; he wept
bitterly for a long time, and, taking Cacambo aside, he said to him, “I’lltell you, my dear friend, what you must do. We have each of us in ourpockets to the value of five or six millions in diamonds; you are
cleverer at these matters than I; you must go to Buenos Ayres and bring
off Miss Cunegund. If the Governor makes any difficulty give him amillion; if he holds out, give him two; as you have not killed an
Candide 55
Inquisitor, they will have no suspicion of you. I’ll fit out another ship
and go to Venice, where I will wait for you. Venice is a free country,where we shall have nothing to fear from Bulgarians, Abares, Jews orInquisitors.”
Cacambo greatly applauded this wise resolution. He was
inconsolable at the thoughts of parting with so good a master, who
treated him more like an intimate friend than a servant; but the pleasureof being able to do him a service soon got the better of his sorrow.They embraced each other with a flood of tears. Candide charged himnot to forget the old woman. Cacambo set out the same day.ThisCacambo was a very honest fellow.
Candide continued some days longer at Surinam, waiting for any
captain to carry him and his two remaining sheep to Italy. He hireddomestics, and purchased many things necessary for a long voyage; atlength Mynheer Vanderdendur, skipper of a large Dutch vessel, cameand offered his service.
“What will you have,” said Candide, “to carry me, my servants,
my baggage, and these two sheep you see here, directly to Venice?”
The skipper asked ten thousand piastres, and Candide agreed to his
demand without hestitation.
“Ho, ho!
The Villainy of Mankind
Candide's lack of bargaining skills alerts a Dutch captain to his immense wealth, leading to blatant exploitation and price-gouging.
The skipper, Mynheer Vanderdendur, eventually absconds with Candide's treasure-laden sheep, leaving him stranded and disillusioned.
When Candide seeks legal redress, a corrupt magistrate fines him for his emotional outburst and charges him exorbitant court fees instead of providing justice.
This cycle of betrayal and institutional corruption plunges Candide into a deep melancholy regarding the inherent deformity of human nature.
In search of a traveling companion, Candide offers to pay for the most unfortunate person in the province, revealing a vast sea of human misery.
The magistrate began with fining him ten thousand piastres for his petulance, and then listened very patiently to what he had to say, promised to examine into the affair on the skipper’s return, and ordered him to pay ten thousand piastres more for the fees of the court.
days longer at Surinam, waiting for any
captain to carry him and his two remaining sheep to Italy. He hireddomestics, and purchased many things necessary for a long voyage; atlength Mynheer Vanderdendur, skipper of a large Dutch vessel, cameand offered his service.
“What will you have,” said Candide, “to carry me, my servants,
my baggage, and these two sheep you see here, directly to Venice?”
The skipper asked ten thousand piastres, and Candide agreed to his
demand without hestitation.
“Ho, ho!” said the cunning Vanderdendur to himself, “this stranger
must be very rich; he agrees to give me ten thousand piastres withouthesitation.”
Returning a little while after, he told Candide that upon second
consideration he could not undertake the voyage for less than twentythousand.
“Very well; you shall have them,” said Candide.“Zounds!” said the skipper to himself, “this man agrees to pay
twenty thousand piastres with as much ease as ten.”
Accordingly he went back again, and told him roundly that he
would not carry him to Venice for less than thirty thousand piastres.
“Then you shall have thirty thousand,” said Candide.“Odso!” said the Dutchman once more to himself, “thirty thousand
piastres seem a trifle to this man. Those sheep must certainly be ladenwith an immense treasure. I’ll e’en stop here and ask no more; butmake him pay down the thirty thousand piastres, and then we may seewhat is to be done farther.”
Candide sold two small diamonds, the least of which was worth
more than all the skipper asked. He paid him beforehand, the two sheepwere put on board, and Candide followed in a small boat to join the
vessel in the road. The skipper took advantage of his opportunity,
hoisted sail, and put out to sea with a favorable wind. Candide,confounded and amazed, soon lost sight of the ship.
56 V OLTAIRE
“Alas!” said he, “this is a trick like those in our old world!”
He returned back to the shore overwhelmed with grief; and,
indeed, he had lost what would have made the fortune of twentymonarchs.
Straightway upon his landing he applied to the Dutch magistrate;
being transported with passion he thundered at the door, which being
opened, he went in, told his case, and talked a little louder than wasnecessary. The magistrate began with fining him ten thousand piastresfor his petulance, and then listened very patiently to what he had to say,promised to examine into the affair on the skipper’s return, and orderedhim to pay ten thousand piastres more for the fees of the court.
This treatment put Candide out of all patience; it is true, he had
suffered misfortunes a thousand times more grievous, but the coolinsolence of the judge, and the villainy of the skipper raised his cholerand threw him into a deep melancholy. The villainy of mankindpresented itself to his mind in all its deformity, and his soul was a preyto the most gloomy ideas. After some time, hearing that the captain of a
French ship was ready to set sail for Bordeaux, as he had no more
sheep loaded with diamonds to put on board, he hired the cabin at theusual price; and made it known in the town that he would pay thepassage and board of any honest man who would give him his companyduring the voyage; besides making him a present of ten thousandpiastres, on condition that such person was the most dissatisfied withhis condition, and the most unfortunate in the whole province.
Upon this there appeared such a crowd of candidates that a large
fleet could not have contained them. Candide, willing to choose fromamong those who appeared most likely to answer his intention, selectedtwenty, who seemed to him the most sociable, and who all pretended to
merit the preference.
The Competition of Misery
Candide seeks a travel companion by offering ten thousand piastres to the person who can prove they are the most unfortunate and dissatisfied in the province.
An overwhelming number of candidates appear, each sharing tragic histories that challenge Candide's lingering belief in Pangloss's optimistic philosophy.
He eventually selects Martin, a scholar whose life has been marked by family betrayal, financial ruin, and religious persecution.
Despite his own losses, Candide remains more hopeful than Martin because of his remaining wealth and his enduring love for Cunegund.
Martin identifies as a Manichaean, suggesting to Candide that the world is inherently governed by evil forces rather than being the best of all possible worlds.
“Surely the Devil must be in you,” said Candide.
is companyduring the voyage; besides making him a present of ten thousandpiastres, on condition that such person was the most dissatisfied withhis condition, and the most unfortunate in the whole province.
Upon this there appeared such a crowd of candidates that a large
fleet could not have contained them. Candide, willing to choose fromamong those who appeared most likely to answer his intention, selectedtwenty, who seemed to him the most sociable, and who all pretended to
merit the preference. He invited them to his inn, and promised to treat
them with a supper, on condition that every man should bind himselfby an oath to relate his own history; declaring at the same time, that hewould make choice of that person who should appear to him the mostdeserving of compassion, and the most justly dissatisfied with hiscondition in life; and that he would make a present to the rest.
This extraordinary assembly continued sitting till four in the
morning. Candide, while he was listening to their adventures, called tomind what the old woman had said to him in their voyage to BuenosAyres, and the wager she had laid that there was not a person on boardthe ship but had met with great misfortunes. Every story he heard puthim in mind of Pangloss.
“My old master,” said he, “would be confoundedly put to it to
demonstrate his favorite system. Would he were here! Certainly if
Candide 57
everything is for the best, it is in El Dorado, and not in the other parts
of the world.”
At length he determined in favor of a poor scholar, who had
labored ten years for the booksellers at Amsterdam: being of opinionthat no employment could be more detestable.
This scholar, who was in fact a very honest man, had been robbed
by his wife, beaten by his son, and forsaken by his daughter, who hadrun away with a Portuguese. He had been likewise deprived of a smallemployment on which he subsisted, and he was persecuted by theclergy of Surinam, who took him for a Socinian. It must beacknowledged that the other competitors were, at least, as wretched ashe; but Candide was in hopes that the company of a man of letterswould relieve the tediousness of the voyage. All the other candidatescomplained that Candide had done them great injustice, but he stoppedtheir mouths by a present of a hundred piastres to each.
58CHAPTER 20
What Befell Candide and Martin on Their Passage
The old philosopher, whose name was Martin, took shipping with
Candide for Bordeaux. Both had seen and suffered a great deal, and hadthe ship been going from Surinam to Japan round the Cape of GoodHope, they could have found sufficient entertainment for each otherduring the whole voyage, in discoursing upon moral and natural evil.
Candide, however, had one advantage over Martin: he lived in the
pleasing hopes of seeing Miss Cunegund once more; whereas, the poorphilosopher had nothing to hope for. Besides, Candide had money andjewels, and, not withstanding he had lost a hundred red sheep ladenwith the greatest treasure outside of El Dorado, and though he stillsmarted from the reflection of the Dutch skipper’s knavery, yet whenhe considered what he had still left, and repeated the name ofCunegund, especially after meal times, he inclined to Pangloss’sdoctrine.
“And pray,” said he to Martin, “what is your opinion of the whole
of this system? What notion have you of moral and natural evil?”
“Sir,” replied Martin, “our priest accused me of being a Socinian;
but the real truth is, I am a Manichaean.”
“Nay, now you are jesting,” said Candide; “there are no
Manichaeans existing at present in the world.”
“And yet I am one,” said Martin; “but I cannot help it. I cannot for
the soul of me think otherwise.”
“Surely the Devil must be in you,” said Candide.
Martin's Manichaean Worldview
Martin identifies as a Manichaean, arguing that God has abandoned the world to a malignant being due to the pervasive cruelty and suffering he observes.
He critiques human society, noting how classes, families, and nations are in constant conflict, with war acting as a sanctioned form of murder.
The philosophers witness a naval battle in which a Dutch pirate ship is sunk, leading to the drowning of one hundred innocent people.
Candide finds personal joy and a sense of justice when he recovers one of his stolen El Dorado sheep from the wreckage of the pirate's vessel.
Martin challenges Candide's optimism by pointing out the injustice of the innocent passengers being destroyed alongside the villainous captain.
The two men continue their debate for fourteen days, finding solace in the act of intellectual communication despite reaching no resolution.
God has punished the knave, and the Devil has drowned the rest.
rine.
“And pray,” said he to Martin, “what is your opinion of the whole
of this system? What notion have you of moral and natural evil?”
“Sir,” replied Martin, “our priest accused me of being a Socinian;
but the real truth is, I am a Manichaean.”
“Nay, now you are jesting,” said Candide; “there are no
Manichaeans existing at present in the world.”
“And yet I am one,” said Martin; “but I cannot help it. I cannot for
the soul of me think otherwise.”
“Surely the Devil must be in you,” said Candide.“He concerns himself so much,” replied Martin, “in the affairs of
this world that it is very probable he may be in me as well aseverywhere else; but I must confess, when I cast my eye on this globe,or rather globule, I cannot help thinking that God has abandoned it tosome malignant being. I always except El Dorado. I scarce ever knew a
city that did not wish the destruction of its neighboring city; nor a
family that did not desire to exterminate some other family. The poor inall parts of the world bear an inveterate hatred to the rich, even whilethey creep and cringe to them; and the rich treat the poor like sheep,whose wool and flesh they barter for money; a million of regimentedassassins traverse Europe from one end to the other, to get their bread
Candide 59
by regular depredation and murder, because it is the most
gentlemanlike profession. Even in those cities which seem to enjoy theblessings of peace, and where the arts flourish, the inhabitants aredevoured with envy, care, and inquietudes, which are greater plaguesthan any experienced in a town besieged. Private chagrins are still more
dreadful than public calamities. In a word,” concluded the philosopher,
“I have seen and suffered so much that I am a Manichaean.”
“And yet there is some good in the world,” replied Candide.“Maybe so,” said Martin, “but it has escaped my knowledge.”While they were deeply engaged in this dispute they heard the
report of cannon, which redoubled every moment. Each took out hisglass, and they spied two ships warmly engaged at the distance of aboutthree miles. The wind brought them both so near the French ship thatthose on board her had the pleasure of seeing the fight with greatease.After several smart broadsides the one gave the other a shotbetween wind and water which sunk her outright. Then could Candideand Martin plainly perceive a hundred men on the deck of the vessel
which was sinking, who, with hands uplifted to Heaven, sent forth
piercing cries, and were in a moment swallowed up by the waves.
“Well,” said Martin, “you now see in what manner mankind treat
one another.”
“It is certain,” said Candide, “that there is something diabolical in
this affair.” As he was speaking thus he spied something of a shiningred hue, which swam close to the vessel. The boat was hoisted out tosee what it might be, when it proved to be one of his sheep. Candidefelt more joy at the recovery of this one animal than he did grief whenhe lost the other hundred, though laden with the large diamonds of ElDorado.
The French captain quickly perceived that the victorious ship
belonged to the crown of Spain; that the other was a Dutch pirate, andthe very same captain who had robbed Candide. The immense richeswhich this villain had amassed, were buried with him in the deep, andonly this one sheep saved out of the whole.
“You see,” said Candide to Martin, “that vice is sometimes
punished.This villain, the Dutch skipper, has met with the fate hedeserved.”
“Very true,” said Martin, “but why should the passengers be
doomed also to destruction? God has punished the knave, and the Devilhas drowned the rest.”
The French and Spanish ships continued their cruise, and Candide
and Martin their conversation. They disputed fourteen days
successively, at the end of which they were just as far advanced as thefirst moment they began. However, they had the satisfaction of
60 V OLTAIRE
disputing, of communicating their ideas, and of mutually comforting
each other.
The Unchanging Nature of Man
Martin argues that divine justice is often indiscriminate, noting that while a villain was punished by drowning, many innocent passengers perished alongside him.
As they approach the coast, Martin provides a cynical critique of France, describing it as a chaotic land of fools, pickpockets, and people obsessed with love and slander.
Despite the grim surroundings, Candide remains singularly focused on his quest to find Cunegund, using the recovery of his El Dorado sheep as a source of hope.
The dialogue concludes with Martin's bleak philosophical assertion that humans are naturally predatory and unlikely to ever change their cruel instincts.
Martin compares the historical consistency of human vice—including fraud, treachery, and cruelty—to the biological necessity of hawks eating pigeons.
Well then," replied Martin, "if hawks have always had the same nature, why should you pretend that mankind change theirs?
ery true,” said Martin, “but why should the passengers be
doomed also to destruction? God has punished the knave, and the Devilhas drowned the rest.”
The French and Spanish ships continued their cruise, and Candide
and Martin their conversation. They disputed fourteen days
successively, at the end of which they were just as far advanced as thefirst moment they began. However, they had the satisfaction of
60 V OLTAIRE
disputing, of communicating their ideas, and of mutually comforting
each other.Candide embraced his sheep with transport.
“Since I have found thee again,” said he, “I may possibly find my
Cunegund once more.”
61CHAPTER 21
Candide and Martin, While Thus Reasoning with Each
Other, Draw Near to the Coast of France
At length they descried the coast of France, when Candide said to
Martin, “Pray Monsieur Martin, were you ever in France?”
“Yes, sir,” said Martin, “I have been in several provinces of that
kingdom. In some, one half of the people are fools and madmen; in
some, they are too artful; in others, again, they are, in general, either
very good–natured or very brutal; while in others, they affect to bewitty, and in all, their ruling passion is love, the next is slander, and thelast is to talk nonsense.”
“But, pray, Monsieur Martin, were you ever in Paris?”“Yes, sir, I have been in that city, and it is a place that contains the
several species just described; it is a chaos, a confused multitude, whereeveryone seeks for pleasure without being able to find it; at least, as faras I have observed during my short stay in that city. At my arrival I wasrobbed of all I had in the world by pickpockets and sharpers, at the fairof Saint–Germain. I was taken up myself for a robber, and confined inprison a whole week; after which I hired myself as corrector to a press
in order to get a little money towards defraying my expenses back to
Holland on foot.I knew the whole tribe of scribblers, malcontents, andfanatics. It is said the people of that city are very polite; I believe theymay be.”
“For my part, I have no curiosity to see France,” said Candide.
“You may easily conceive, my friend, that after spending a month in ElDorado, I can desire to behold nothing upon earth but Miss Cunegund.I am going to wait for her at Venice. I intend to pass through France, onmy way to Italy. Will you not bear me company?”
“With all my heart,” said Martin. “They say Venice is agreeable to
none but noble Venetians, but that, nevertheless, strangers are well
received there when they have plenty of money; now I have none, but
you have, therefore I will attend you wherever you please.”
“Now we are upon this subject,” said Candide, “do you think that
the earth was originally sea, as we read in that great book whichbelongs to the captain of the ship?”
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“I believe nothing of it,” replied Martin, “any more than I do of the
many other chimeras which have been related to us for some timepast.”
“But then, to what end,” said Candide, “was the world formed?”“To make us mad,” said Martin.
“Are you not surprised,” continued Candide, “at the love which the
two girls in the country of the Oreillons had for those two monkeys? –You know I have told you the story.”
“Surprised?” replied Martin, “not in the least. I see nothing strange
in this passion. I have seen so many extraordinary things that there isnothing extraordinary to me now.”
“Do you think,” said Candide, “that mankind always massacred
one another as they do now? Were they always guilty of lies, fraud,treachery, ingratitude, inconstancy, envy, ambition, and cruelty? Werethey always thieves, fools, cowards, gluttons, drunkards, misers,calumniators, debauchees, fanatics, and hypocrites?”
“Do you believe,” said Martin, “that hawks have always been
accustomed to eat pigeons when they came in their way?”
“Doubtless,” said Candide.“Well then,” replied Martin, “if hawks have always had the same
nature, why should you pretend that mankind change theirs?
The Corruptions of Paris
Martin argues that human nature is as fixed and predatory as that of hawks, challenging Candide’s belief in free will and moral progress.
The Academy of Sciences at Bordeaux satirically awards a prize for a nonsensical mathematical proof explaining the color of a red sheep.
Upon arriving in Paris, Candide's immense wealth attracts a swarm of opportunistic doctors and fake friends who exploit his brief illness.
A religious conflict ensues when a priest attempts to extort a spiritual 'note' for the afterlife from Candide, prompting a violent response from Martin.
Candide is introduced to the Parisian social scene by a parasitic Abbe, where he is cheated at gambling but finds himself moved by the theater.
“Well then,” replied Martin, “if hawks have always had the same nature, why should you pretend that mankind change theirs?”
do now? Were they always guilty of lies, fraud,treachery, ingratitude, inconstancy, envy, ambition, and cruelty? Werethey always thieves, fools, cowards, gluttons, drunkards, misers,calumniators, debauchees, fanatics, and hypocrites?”
“Do you believe,” said Martin, “that hawks have always been
accustomed to eat pigeons when they came in their way?”
“Doubtless,” said Candide.“Well then,” replied Martin, “if hawks have always had the same
nature, why should you pretend that mankind change theirs?”
“Oh,” said Candide, “there is a great deal of difference; for free
will –” and reasoning thus they arrived at Bordeaux.
63CHAPTER 22
What Happened to Candide and Martin in France
Candide stayed no longer at Bordeaux than was necessary to
dispose of a few of the pebbles he had brought from El Dorado, and toprovide himself with a post–chaise for two persons, for he could nolonger stir a step without his philosopher Martin. The only thing thatgive him concern was being obliged to leave his sheep behind him,
which he intrusted to the care of the Academy of Sciences at Bordeaux,
who proposed, as a prize subject for the year, to prove why the wool ofthis sheep was red; and the prize was adjudged to a northern sage, whodemonstrated by A plus B, minus C, divided by Z, that the sheep mustnecessarily be red, and die of the mange.
In the meantime, all travelers whom Candide met with in the inns,
or on the road, told him to a man, that they were going to Paris. Thisgeneral eagerness gave him likewise a great desire to see this capital;and it was not much out of his way to Venice.
He entered the city by the suburbs of Saint–Marceau, and thought
himself in one of the vilest hamlets in all Westphalia.
Candide had not been long at his inn, before he was seized with a
slight disorder, owing to the fatigue he had undergone. As he wore a
diamond of an enormous size on his finger and had among the rest ofhis equipage a strong box that seemed very weighty, he soon foundhimself between two physicians, whom he had not sent for, a numberof intimate friends whom he had never seen, and who would not quithis bedside, and two women devotees, who were very careful inproviding him hot broths.
“I remember,” said Martin to him, “that the first time I came to
Paris I was likewise taken ill. I was very poor, and accordingly I hadneither friends, nurses, nor physicians, and yet I did very well.”
However, by dint of purging and bleeding, Candide’s disorder
became very serious. The priest of the parish came with all imaginable
politeness to desire a note of him, payable to the bearer in the otherworld. Candide refused to comply with his request; but the twodevotees assured him that it was a new fashion. Candide replied, that hewas not one that followed the fashion. Martin was for throwing thepriest out of the window. The clerk swore Candide should not have
64 V OLTAIRE
Christian burial. Martin swore in his turn that he would bury the clerk
alive if he continued to plague them any longer. The dispute grewwarm; Martin took him by the shoulders and turned him out of theroom, which gave great scandal, and occasioned a proces–verbal.
Candide recovered, and till he was in a condition to go abroad had
a great deal of good company to pass the evenings with him in his
chamber. They played deep. Candide was surprised to find he couldnever turn a trick; and Martin was not at all surprised at the matter.
Among those who did him the honors of the place was a little
spruce abbe of Perigord, one of those insinuating, busy, fawning,impudent, necessary fellows, that lay wait for strangers on their arrival,tell them all the scandal of the town, and offer to minister to theirpleasures at various prices. This man conducted Candide and Martin tothe playhouse; they were acting a new tragedy.Candide found himselfplaced near a cluster of wits: this, however, did not prevent him fromshedding tears at some parts of the piece which were most affecting,and best acted.
The Contradictions of Paris
Candide and Martin arrive in Paris and are quickly taken in by a fawning Abbe who introduces them to the local theater and social life.
During a performance, Candide is moved to tears by the acting, only to be ridiculed by a cynical critic who disparages any work that achieves success.
The Abbe explains the extreme rarity of quality in French theater, claiming that only a handful of plays out of thousands are actually worth watching.
A stark social hypocrisy is revealed regarding the treatment of actresses, who are admired in life but denied proper burial and cast onto dunghills in death.
Martin describes the French national character as one of total inconsistency, where people commit crimes and express deep-seated anger through a mask of laughter.
In Paris, they are treated with great respect during their lifetime, provided they are handsome, and when they die we throw their bodies upon a dunghill.
le
spruce abbe of Perigord, one of those insinuating, busy, fawning,impudent, necessary fellows, that lay wait for strangers on their arrival,tell them all the scandal of the town, and offer to minister to theirpleasures at various prices. This man conducted Candide and Martin tothe playhouse; they were acting a new tragedy.Candide found himselfplaced near a cluster of wits: this, however, did not prevent him fromshedding tears at some parts of the piece which were most affecting,and best acted.
One of these talkers said to him between acts, “You are greatly to
blame to shed tears; that actress plays horribly, and the man that playswith her still worse, and the piece itself is still more execrable than therepresentation. The author does not understand a word of Arabic, andyet he has laid his scene in Arabia, and what is more, he is a fellowwho does not believe in innate ideas. Tomorrow I will bring you ascore of pamphlets that have been written against him.”
“Pray, sir,” said Candide to the abbe, “how many theatrical pieces
have you in France?”
“Five or six thousand,” replied the abbe.“Indeed! that is a great number,” said Candide, “but how many
good ones may there be?”
“About fifteen or sixteen.”“Oh! that is a great number,” said Martin.Candide was greatly taken with an actress, who performed the part
of Queen Elizabeth in a dull kind of tragedy that is played sometimes.
“That actress,” said he to Martin, “pleases me greatly; she has
some sort of resemblance to Miss Cunegund. I should be very glad topay my respects to her.”
The abbe of Perigord offered his service to introduce him to her at
her own house. Candide, who was brought up in Germany, desired toknow what might be the ceremonial used on those occasions, and how aqueen of England was treated in France.
“There is a necessary distinction to be observed in these matters,”
said the abbe. “In a country town we take them to a tavern; here inParis, they are treated with great respect during their lifetime, provided
Candide 65
they are handsome, and when they die we throw their bodies upon a
dunghill.”
“How?” said Candide, “throw a queen’s body upon a dunghill!”“The gentleman is quite right,” said Martin, “he tells you nothing
but the truth. I happened to be at Paris when Miss Monimia made her
exit, as one may say, out of this world into another. She was refused
what they call here the rites of sepulture; that is to say, she was deniedthe privilege of rotting in a churchyard by the side of all the beggars inthe parish. They buried her at the corner of Burgundy Street, whichmust certainly have shocked her extremely, as she had very exaltednotions of things.”
“This is acting very impolitely,” said Candide.“Lord!” said Martin, “what can be said to it? It is the way of these
people. Figure to yourself all the contradictions, all the inconsistenciespossible, and you may meet with them in the government, the courts ofjustice, the churches, and the public spectacles of this odd nation.”
“Is it true,” said Candide, “that the people of Paris are always
laughing?”
“Yes,” replied the abbe, “but it is with anger in their hearts; they
express all their complaints by loud bursts of laughter, and commit themost detestable crimes with a smile on their faces.”
“Who was that great overgrown beast,” said Candide, “who spoke
so ill to me of the pi ece with which I was so much affected, and of the
players who gave me so much pleasure?”
“A very good–for–nothing sort of a man I assure you,” answered
the abbe, “one who gets his livelihood by abusing every new book andplay that is written or performed; he dislikes much to see anyone meetwith success, like eunuchs, who detest everyone that possesses those
powers they are deprived of; he is one of those vipers in literature who
nourish themselves with their own venom; a pamphlet–monger.”
“A pamphlet–monger!” said Candide, “what is that?”“Why, a pamphlet–monger,” replied the abbe, “is a writer of
pamphlets – a fool.
Parisian Manners and Gambling
The Abbe of Perigord disparages literary critics as failed writers who resemble eunuchs and nourish themselves on their own venom.
Candide is introduced to the home of the Marchioness of Parolignac, which serves as a high-stakes gambling den for the Parisian elite.
The atmosphere of the gambling party is one of grim silence and anxiety, where even children are taught to watch for cheating.
Candide's nonchalance after losing a large sum of money leads the servants to believe he must be an English lord.
The social gathering concludes with an elegant supper characterized by hollow jokes, scandal, and disdain for contemporary literature.
A profound silence reigned throughout the assembly, a pallid dread had taken possession of the countenances of the punters, and restless inquietude stretched every muscle of the face of him who kept the bank.
a man I assure you,” answered
the abbe, “one who gets his livelihood by abusing every new book andplay that is written or performed; he dislikes much to see anyone meetwith success, like eunuchs, who detest everyone that possesses those
powers they are deprived of; he is one of those vipers in literature who
nourish themselves with their own venom; a pamphlet–monger.”
“A pamphlet–monger!” said Candide, “what is that?”“Why, a pamphlet–monger,” replied the abbe, “is a writer of
pamphlets – a fool.”
Candide, Martin, and the abbe of Perigord argued thus on the
staircase, while they stood to see the people go out of the playhouse.
“Though I am very anxious to see Miss Cunegund again,” said
Candide, “yet I have a great inclination to sup with Miss Clairon, for Iam really much taken with her.”
The abbe was not a person to show his face at this lady’s house,
which was frequented by none but the best company.
“She is engaged this evening,” said he, “but I will do myself the
honor to introduce you to a lady of quality of my acquaintance, at
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whose house you will see as much of the manners of Paris as if you had
lived here for forty years.”
Candide, who was naturally curious, suffered himself to be
conducted to this lady’s house, which was in the suburbs of Saint–Honore. The company was engaged at basser; twelve melancholy
punters held each in his hand a small pack of cards, the corners of
which were doubled down, and were so many registers of their illfortune. A profound silence reigned throughout the assembly, a palliddread had taken possession of the countenances of the punters, andrestless inquietude stretched every muscle of the face of him who keptthe bank; and the lady of the house, who was seated next to him,observed with lynx’s eyes every play made, and noted those whotallied, and made them undouble their cards with a severe exactness,though mixed with a politeness, which she thought n ecessary not to
frighten away her customers. This lady assumed the title ofMarchioness of Parolignac.Her daughter, a girl of about fifteen years ofage, was one of the punters, and took care to give her mamma a hint, by
signs, when any one of the players attempted to repair the rigor of their
ill fortune by a little innocent deception. The company were thusoccupied when Candide, Martin, and the abbe made their entrance; nota creature rose to salute them, or indeed took the least notice of them,being wholly intent upon the business at hand.
“Ah!” said Candide, “My Lady Baroness of Thunder–ten–tronckh
would have behaved more civilly.”
However, the abbe whispered in the ear of the Marchioness, who
half raising herself from her seat, honored Candide with a gracioussmile, and gave Martin a nod of her head, with an air of inexpressibledignity. She then ordered a seat for Candide, and desired him to make
one of their party at play; he did so, and in a few deals lost near a
thousand pieces; after which they s upped very elegantly, and everyone
was surprised at seeing Candide lose so much money without appearingto be the least disturbed at it. The servants in waiting said to each other,“This is certainly some English lord.”
The supper was like most others of its kind in Paris. At first
everyone was silent; then followed a few confused murmurs, andafterwards several insipid jokes passed and repassed, with false reports,false reasonings, a little politics, and a great deal of scandal. Theconversation then turned upon the new productions in literature.
“Pray,” said the abbe, “good folks, have you seen the romance
written by a certain Gauchat, Doctor of Divinity?”
“Yes,” answered one of the company, “but I had not patience to go
through it. The town is pestered with a swarm of impertinentproductions, but this of Dr. Gauchat’s outdoes them all. In short, I was
Candide 67
so cursedly tired of reading this vile stuff that I even resolved to come
here, and make a party at basset.
Critiques and Worldly Chaos
Guests at a social gathering disparage contemporary literature, specifically mocking authors for their tediousness and unoriginality.
A scholar provides a detailed critique of tragedy, explaining that true merit requires a deep knowledge of the human heart and a mastery of poetic language.
The man of letters argues that most successful plays are actually mediocre, relying on 'pompous and high-flown amplification' rather than genuine substance.
In a moment of irony, it is revealed that the insightful critic is himself a failed author whose tragedy was 'damned' and whose book never sold.
Candide attempts to reconcile this intelligence with Pangloss's optimism, but the scholar counters that the world is fundamentally disordered and 'set the wrong end uppermost.'
“I, sir!” replied the man of letters, “I think no such thing, I assure you; I find that all in this world is set the wrong end uppermost.”
. Theconversation then turned upon the new productions in literature.
“Pray,” said the abbe, “good folks, have you seen the romance
written by a certain Gauchat, Doctor of Divinity?”
“Yes,” answered one of the company, “but I had not patience to go
through it. The town is pestered with a swarm of impertinentproductions, but this of Dr. Gauchat’s outdoes them all. In short, I was
Candide 67
so cursedly tired of reading this vile stuff that I even resolved to come
here, and make a party at basset.”
“But what say you to the archdeacon T–’s miscellaneous
collection,” said the abbe.
“Oh my God!” cried the Marchioness of Parolignac, “never
mention the tedious creature! Only think what pains he is at to tell one
things that all the world knows; and how he labors an argument that ishardly worth the slightest consideration! how absurdly he makes use ofother people’s wit! how miserably he mangles what he has pilferedfrom them! The man makes me quite sick! A few pages of the goodarchdeacon are enough in conscience to satisfy anyone.”
There was at the table a person of learning and taste, who
supported what the Marchioness had advanced. They next began to talkof tragedies. The lady desired to know how it came about that therewere several tragedies, which still continued to be played, though theywould not bear reading? The man of taste explained very clearly how apiece may be in some manner interesting without having a grain of
merit. He showed, in a few words, that it is not sufficient to throw
together a few incidents that are to be met with in every romance, andthat to dazzle the spectator the thoughts should be new, without beingfarfetched; frequently sublime, but always natural; the author shouldhave a thorough knowledge of the human heart and make it speakproperly; he should be a complete poet, without showing an affectationof it in any of the characters of his piece; he should be a perfect masterof his language, speak it with all its purity, and with the utmostharmony, and yet so as not to make the sense a slave to the rhyme.
“Whoever,” added he, “neglects any one of these rules, though he
may write two or three tragedies with tolerable success, w ill never be
reckoned in the number of good authors. There are very few good
tragedies; some are idylls, in very well–written and harmoniousdialogue; and others a chain of political reasonings that set one asleep,or else pompous and high–flown amplification, that disgust rather thanplease. Others again are the ravings of a madman, in an uncouth style,unmeaning flights, or long apostrophes to the deities, for want ofknowing how to address mankind; in a word a collection of falsemaxims and dull commonplace.”
Candide listened to this discourse with great attention, and
conceived a high opinion of the person who delivered it; and as theMarchioness had taken care to place him near her side, he took theliberty to whisper her softly in the ear and ask who this person was that
spoke so well.
“He is a man of letters,” replied Her Ladyship, “who never plays,
and whom the abbe brings with him to my house sometimes to spend
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an evening. He is a great judge of writing, especially in tragedy; he has
composed one himself, which was damned, and has written a book thatwas never seen out of his bookseller’s shop, excepting only one copy,which he sent me with a dedication, to which he had prefixed myname.”
“Oh the great man,” cried Candide, “he is a second Pangloss.”
Then turning towards him, “Sir,” said he, “you are doubtless of
opinion that everything is for the best in the physical and moral world,and that nothing could be otherwise than it is?”
“I, sir!” replied the man of letters, “I think no such thing, I assure
you; I find that all in this world is set the wrong end uppermost. No oneknows what is his rank, his office, nor what he does, nor what heshould do.
Parisian Seduction and Pessimism
A learned man rejects Candide's optimistic worldview, describing society as a chaotic scene of perpetual civil war and social rivalry.
Martin challenges the notion that human suffering is a necessary shade in a divine plan, labeling such evils as horrible blemishes.
A Parisian Marchioness seduces Candide through flattery and social pressure, successfully extorting two valuable diamonds during their brief encounter.
Candide experiences a conflict between his lingering guilt over betraying Cunegund and his naive trust in the exploitative Abbé.
“Your hempen sage,” said Martin, “laughed at you; these shades, as you call them, are most horrible blemishes.”
to which he had prefixed myname.”
“Oh the great man,” cried Candide, “he is a second Pangloss.”
Then turning towards him, “Sir,” said he, “you are doubtless of
opinion that everything is for the best in the physical and moral world,and that nothing could be otherwise than it is?”
“I, sir!” replied the man of letters, “I think no such thing, I assure
you; I find that all in this world is set the wrong end uppermost. No oneknows what is his rank, his office, nor what he does, nor what heshould do. With the exception of our evenings, which we generally passtolerably merrily, the rest of our time is spent in idle disputes andquarrels, Jansenists against Molinists, the Parliament against theChurch, and one armed body of men against another; courtier againstcourtier, husband against wife, and relations against relations. In short,
this world is nothing but one continued scene of civil war.”
“Yes,” said Candide, “and I have seen worse than all that; and yet
a learned man, who had the misfortune to be hanged, taught me thateverything was marvelously well, and that these evils you are speakingof were only so many shades in a beautiful picture.”
“Your hempen sage,” said Martin, “laughed at you; these shades,
as you call them, are most horrible blemishes.”
“The men make these blemishes,” rejoined Candide, “and they
cannot do otherwise.”
“Then it is not their fault,” added Martin.The greatest part of the gamesters, who did not understand a
syllable of this discourse, amused themselves with drinking, while
Martin reasoned with the learned gentleman and Candide entertainedthe lady of the house with a part of his adventures.
After supper the Marchioness conducted Candide into her
dressingroom, and made him sit down under a canopy.
“Well,” said she, “are you still so violently fond of Miss Cunegund
of Thunder–ten–tronckh?”
“Yes, madam,” replied Candide.The Marchioness said to him with a tender smile, “You answer me
like a young man born in Westphalia; a Frenchman would have said, ‘Itis true, madam, I had a great passion for Miss Cunegund; but since Ihave seen you, I fear I can no longer love her as I did.’“
“Alas! madam,” replied Candide, “I will make you what answer
you please.”
Candide 69
“You fell in love with her, I find, in stooping to pick up her
handkerchief which she had dropped; you shall pick up my garter.”
“With all my heart, madam,” said Candide, and he picked it up.“But you must tie it on again,” said the lady.Candide tied it on again.
“Look ye, young man,” said the Marchioness, “you are a stranger;
I make some of my lovers here in Paris languish for me a wholefortnight; but I surrender to you at first sight, because I am willing to dothe honors of my country to a young Westphalian.”
The fair one having cast her eye on two very large diamonds that
were upon the young stranger’s finger, praised them in so earnest amanner that they were in an instant transferred from his finger to hers.
As Candide was going home with the abbe he felt some qualms of
conscience for having been guilty of infidelity to Miss Cunegund.Theabbe took part with him in his uneasiness; he had but an inconsiderableshare in the thousand pieces Candide had lost at play, and the twodiamonds which had been in a manner extorted from him; and therefore
very prudently designed to make the most he could of his new
acquaintance, which chance had thrown in his way. He talked much ofMiss Cunegund, and Candide assured him that he would heartily askpardon of that fair one for his infidelity to her, when he saw her atVenice.
The abbe redoubled his civilities and seemed to interest himself
warmly in everything that Candide said, did, or seemed inclined to do.
“And so, sir, you have an engagement at Venice?”“Yes, Monsieur l’Abbe,” answered Candide, “I must absolutely
wait upon Miss Cunegund,” and then the pleasure he took in talkingabout the object he loved, led him insensibly to relate, according to
custom, part of his adventures with that illustrious Westphalian beauty.
The Abbe's Deceptive Trap
Candide naively confides his history and wealth to a manipulative abbe while discussing his devotion to Cunegund.
The abbe orchestrates an elaborate fraud, using a forged letter to trick Candide into visiting an imposter claiming to be his ill beloved.
In a darkened room, Candide's overwhelming grief leads him to shower the silent imposter with gold and diamonds without verifying her identity.
The scheme is revealed as a trap when the abbe and an officer arrive to arrest Candide and Martin as suspected foreigners.
Recognizing the local corruption, Martin realizes they have been swindled, prompting Candide to bribe his way out of an immediate prison sentence.
"Travelers are not treated in this manner in the country of El Dorado," said Candide.
s infidelity to her, when he saw her atVenice.
The abbe redoubled his civilities and seemed to interest himself
warmly in everything that Candide said, did, or seemed inclined to do.
“And so, sir, you have an engagement at Venice?”“Yes, Monsieur l’Abbe,” answered Candide, “I must absolutely
wait upon Miss Cunegund,” and then the pleasure he took in talkingabout the object he loved, led him insensibly to relate, according to
custom, part of his adventures with that illustrious Westphalian beauty.
“I fancy,” said the abbe, “Miss Cunegund has a great deal of wit,
and that her letters must be very entertaining.”
“I never received any from her,” said Candide; “for you are to
consider that, being expelled from the castle upon her account, I couldnot write to her, especially as soon after my departure I heard she wasdead; but thank God I found afterwards she was living. I left her againafter this, and now I have sent a messenger to her near two thousandleagues from here, and wait here for his return with an answer fromher.”
The artful abbe let not a word of all this escape him, though he
seemed to be musing upon something else. He soon took his leave of
the two adventurers, after having embraced them with the greatest
cordiality.
70 V OLTAIRE
The next morning, almost as soon as his eyes were open, Candide
received the following b illet:
“My Dearest Lover – I have been ill in this city these eight days.I
have heard of your arrival, and should fly to your arms were I able tostir. I was informed of your being on the way hither at Bordeaux, where
I left the faithful Cacambo, and the old woman, who will soon follow
me. The Governor of Buenos Ayres has taken everything from me butyour heart, which I still retain. Come to me immediately on the receiptof this. Your presence will either give me new life, or kill me with thepleasure.”
At the receipt of this charming, this unexpected letter, Candide felt
the utmost transports of joy; though, on the other hand, theindisposition of his beloved Miss Cunegund overwhelmed him withgrief.Distracted between these two passions he took his gold and hisdiamonds, and procured a person to conduct him and Martin to thehouse where Miss Cunegund lodged. Upon entering the room he felthis limbs tremble, his heart flutter, his tongue falter; he attempted to
undraw the curtain, and called for a light to the bedside.
“Lord sir,” cried a maidservant, who was waiting in the room,
“take care what you do, Miss cannot bear the least light,” and so sayingshe pulled the curtain close again.
“Cunegund! my dear cried Candide, bathed in tears, “how do you
do?If you cannot bear the light, speak to me at least.”
“Alas! she cannot speak,” said the maid.The sick lady then put a plump hand out of the bed and Candide
first bathed it with tears, then filled it with diamonds, leaving a purse ofgold upon the easy chair.
In the midst of his transports came an officer into the room,
followed by the abbe, and a file of musketeers.
“There,” said he, “are the two suspected foreigners.” At the same
time he ordered them to be seized and carried to prison.
“Travelers are not treated in this manner in the country of El
Dorado,” said Candide.
“I am more of a Manichaean now than ever,” said Martin.“But pray, good sir, where are you going to carry us?” said
Candide.
“To a dungeon, my dear sir,” replied the officer.When Martin had a little recovered himself, so as to form a cool
judgment of what had passed, he plainly perceived that the person whohad acted the part of Miss Cunegund was a cheat; that the abbe of
Perigord was a sharper who had imposed upon the honest simplicity of
Candide, and that the officer was a knave, whom they might easily getrid of.
Candide 71
Candide following the advice of his friend Martin, and burning
with impatience to see the real Miss Cunegund, rather than be obligedto appear at a court of justice, proposed to the officer to make him apresent of three small diamonds, each of them worth three thousandpistoles.
Bribes and International Madness
Candide discovers he has been swindled by the Abbe of Perigord and a fraudulent double of Miss Cunegund.
He avoids arrest by bribing a law officer with three diamonds, demonstrating how wealth can instantly manufacture a reputation for honesty.
The officer explains that France is under high security because religious and political stories have incited various citizens to commit parricide.
Martin and Candide critique the absurdity of the Seven Years' War, noting that nations spend more on the conflict than the disputed Canadian territory is worth.
As they head toward Portsmouth, Martin characterizes the English people as possessing a dark and gloomy disposition compared to the French.
Is there no flying this abominable country immediately, this execrable kingdom where monkeys provoke tigers?
had acted the part of Miss Cunegund was a cheat; that the abbe of
Perigord was a sharper who had imposed upon the honest simplicity of
Candide, and that the officer was a knave, whom they might easily getrid of.
Candide 71
Candide following the advice of his friend Martin, and burning
with impatience to see the real Miss Cunegund, rather than be obligedto appear at a court of justice, proposed to the officer to make him apresent of three small diamonds, each of them worth three thousandpistoles.
“Ah, sir,” said the understrapper of justice, “had you commited
ever so much villainy, this would render you the honestest man living,in my eyes. Three diamonds worth three thousand pistoles! Why, mydear sir, so far from carrying you to jail, I would lose my life to serveyou. There are orders for stopping all strangers; but leave it to me, Ihave a brother at Dieppe, in Normandy. I myself will conduct youthither, and if you have a diamond left to give him he will take as muchcare of you as I myself should.”
“But why,” said Candide, “do they stop all strangers?”The abbe of Perigord made answer that it was because a poor devil
of the country of Atrebata heard somebody tell foolish stories, and thisinduced him to commit a parricide; not such a one as that in the month
of May, 1610, but such as that in the month of December in the year
1594, and such as many that have been perpetrated in other months andyears, by other poor devils who had heard foolish stories.
The officer then explained to them what the abbe meant.“Horrid monsters,” exclaimed Candide, “is it possible that such
scenes should pass among a people who are perpetually singing anddancing? Is there no flying this abominable country immediately, thisexecrable kingdom where monkeys provoke tigers? I have seen bears inmy country, but men I have beheld nowhere but in El Dorado. In thename of God, sir,” said he to the officer, “do me the kindness toconduct me to Venice, where I am to wait for Miss Cunegund.”
“Really, sir,” replied the officer, “I cannot possibly wait on you
farther than Lower Normandy.”
So saying, he ordered Candide’s irons to be struck off,
acknowledged himself mistaken, and sent his followers about theirbusiness, after which he conducted Candide and Martin to Dieppe, andleft them to the care of his brother.
There happened just then to be a small Dutch ship in the harbor.
The Norman, whom the other three diamonds had converted into themost obliging, serviceable being that ever breathed, took care to seeCandide and his attendants safe on board this vessel, that was just readyto sail for Portsmouth in England. This was not the nearest way toVenice, indeed, but Candide thought himself escaped out of Hell, and
did not, in the least, doubt but he should quickly find an opportunity of
resuming his voyage to Venice.
72CHAPTER 23
Candide and Martin Touch upon the English Coast –
What They See There
Ah Pangloss! Pangloss! ah Martin! ah my dear Miss Cunegund!
What sort of a world is this?” Thus exclaimed Candide as soon as hegot on board the Dutch ship.
“Why something very foolish, and very abominable,” said Martin.
“You are acquainted with England,” said Candide; “are they as
great fools in that country as in France?”
“Yes, but in a different manner,” answered Martin. “You know
that these two nations are at war about a few acres of barren land in theneighborhood of Canada, and that they have expended much greatersums in the contest than all Canada is worth. To say exactly whetherthere are a greater number fit to be inhabitants of a madhouse in the onecountry than the other, exceeds the limits of my imperfect capacity; Iknow in general that the people we are going to visit are of a very darkand gloomy disposition.”
As they were chatting thus together they arrived at Portsmouth.
Portsmouth and Venetian Despair
Candide observes the absurdity of England and France waging a costly war over a few acres of barren Canadian land.
While at Portsmouth, he witnesses the cold-blooded execution of a British admiral on his own ship's deck.
The execution is explained as a ritualistic necessity intended to 'encourage' other officers to be more aggressive in battle.
Horrified by British brutality, Candide flees to Venice but finds no sign of his valet Cacambo or his beloved Cunegund.
Martin continues to provide a pessimistic counterpoint, suggesting that Cacambo has likely absconded with Candide's fortune.
Succumbing to deep melancholy, Candide begins to regret leaving the paradise of El Dorado for the misery of Europe.
In this country it is found requisite, now and then, to put an admiral to death, in order to encourage the others to fight.
se two nations are at war about a few acres of barren land in theneighborhood of Canada, and that they have expended much greatersums in the contest than all Canada is worth. To say exactly whetherthere are a greater number fit to be inhabitants of a madhouse in the onecountry than the other, exceeds the limits of my imperfect capacity; Iknow in general that the people we are going to visit are of a very darkand gloomy disposition.”
As they were chatting thus together they arrived at Portsmouth.The
shore on each side the harbor was lined with a multitude of people,
whose eyes were steadfastly fixed on a lusty man who was kneeling
down on the deck of one of the men–of–war, with something tiedbefore his eyes. Opposite to this personage stood four soldiers, each ofwhom shot three bullets into his skull, with all the composureimaginable; and when it was done, the whole company went awayperfectly well satisfied.
“What the devil is all this for?” said Candide, “and what demon, or
foe of mankind, lords it thus tyrannically over the world?”
He then asked who was that lusty man who had been sent out of
the world with so much ceremony. When he received for answer, that itwas an admiral.
“And pray why do you put your admiral to death?”
“Because he did not put a sufficient number of his fellow creatures
to death. You must know, he had an engagement with a French admiral,and it has been proved against him that he was not near enough to hisantagonist.”
Candide 73
“But,” replied Candide, “the French admiral must have been as far
from him.”
“There is no doubt of that; but in this country it is found requisite,
now and then, to put an admiral to death, in order to encourage theothers to fight.”
Candide was so shocked at what he saw and heard, that he would
not set foot on shore, but made a bargain with the Dutch skipper (werehe even to rob him like the captain of Surinam) to carry him directly toVenice.
The skipper was ready in two days. They sailed along the coast of
France, and passed within sight of Lisbon, at which Candide trembled.From thence they proceeded to the Straits, entered the Mediterranean,and at length arrived at Venice.
“God be praised,” said Candide, embracing Martin, “this is the
place where I am to behold my beloved Cunegund once again. I canconfide in Cacambo, like another self. All is well, all is very well, all iswell as possible.”
74CHAPTER 24
Of Pacquette and Friar Giroflee
Upon their arrival at Venice Candide went in search of Cacambo at
every inn and coffee–house, and among all the ladies of pleasure, butcould hear nothing of him. He sent every day to inquire what shipswere in, still no news of Cacambo.
“It is strange,” said he to Martin, “very strange that I should have
time to sail from Surinam to Bordeaux; to travel thence to Paris, to
Dieppe, to Portsmouth; to sail along the coast of Portugal and Spain,and up the Mediterranean to spend some months at Venice; and that mylovely Cunegund should not have arrived. Instead of her, I only metwith a Parisian impostor, and a rascally abbe of Perigord.Cunegund isactually dead, and I have nothing to do but follow her.Alas! how muchbetter would it have been for me to have remained in the paradise of ElDorado than to have returned to this cursed Europe!You are in theright, my dear Martin; you are certainly in the right; all is misery anddeceit.”
He fell into a deep melancholy, and neither went to the opera then
in vogue, nor partook of any of the diversions of the Carnival; nay, he
even slighted the fair sex.
Martin said to him, “Upon my word, I think you are very simple to
imagine that a rascally valet, with five or six millions in his pocket,would go in search of your mistress to the further of the world, andbring her to Venice to meet you. If he finds her he will take her forhimself; if he does not, he will take another. Let me advise you toforget your valet Cacambo, and your mistress Cunegund.”
Martin’s speech was not the most consolatory to the dejected
Candide.
The Illusion of Happiness
Martin challenges Candide’s hope, arguing that his valet Cacambo has likely absconded with his wealth and that human virtue is nearly non-existent.
Seeking to prove Martin wrong, Candide identifies a seemingly joyous young friar and a girl, betting that they are genuinely happy.
The woman is revealed to be Pacquette, who details her tragic life story starting from her role in infecting Dr. Pangloss with syphilis.
Pacquette describes a cycle of abuse, detailing how she was exploited by a confessor, a violent surgeon, and a corrupt judge.
The narrative suggests that even those who appear most vigorous and carefree are often victims of a cruel and exploitative social order.
Incensed at the behavior of his wife, he one day gave her so affectionate a remedy for a slight cold she had caught that she died in less than two hours in most dreadful convulsions.
y, he
even slighted the fair sex.
Martin said to him, “Upon my word, I think you are very simple to
imagine that a rascally valet, with five or six millions in his pocket,would go in search of your mistress to the further of the world, andbring her to Venice to meet you. If he finds her he will take her forhimself; if he does not, he will take another. Let me advise you toforget your valet Cacambo, and your mistress Cunegund.”
Martin’s speech was not the most consolatory to the dejected
Candide. His melancholy increased, and Martin never ceased trying toprove to him that there is very little virtue or happiness in this world;except, perhaps, in El Dorado, where hardly anybody can gain
admittance.
While they were disputing on this important subject, and still
expecting Miss Cunegund, Candide perceived a young Theatin friar inthe Piazza San Marco, with a girl under his arm. The Theatin lookedfresh–colored, plump, and vigorous; his eyes sparkled; his air and gait
Candide 75
were bold and lofty. The girl was pretty, and was singing a song; and
every now and then gave her Theatin an amorous ogle and wantonlypinched his ruddy cheeks.
“You will at least allow,” said Candide to Martin, “that these two
are happy. Hitherto I have met with none but unfortunate people in the
whole habitable globe, except in El Dorado; but as to this couple, I
would venture to lay a wager they are happy.”
“Done!” said Martin, “they are not what you imagine.”“Well, we have only to ask them to dine with us,” said Candide,
“and you will see whether I am mistaken or not.”
Thereupon he accosted them, and with great politeness invited
them to his inn to eat some macaroni, with Lombard partridges andcaviar, and to drink a bottle of Montepulciano, Lacryma Christi,Cyprus, and Samos wine. The girl blushed; the Theatin accepted theinvitation and she followed him, eyeing Candide every now and thenwith a mixture of surprise and confusion, while the tears stole down hercheeks. No sooner did she enter his apartment than she cried out,
“How, Monsieur Candide, have you quite forgot your Pacquette? do
you not know her again?”
Candide had not regarded her with any degree of attention before,
being wholly occupied with the thoughts of his dear Cunegund.
“Ah! is it you, child? was it you that reduced Dr. Pangloss to that
fine condition I saw him in?”
“Alas! sir,” answered Pacquette, “it was I, indeed. I find you are
acquainted with everything; and I have been informed of all themisfortunes that happened to the whole family of My Lady Baronessand the fair Cunegund. But I can safely swear to you that my lot was noless deplorable; I was innocence itself when you saw me last. A
Franciscan, who was my confessor, easily seduced me; the
consequences proved terrible. I was obliged to leave the castle sometime after the Baron kicked you out by the backside from there; and if afamous surgeon had not taken compassion on me, I had been a deadwoman. Gratitude obliged me to live with him some time as hismistress; his wife, who was a very devil for jealousy, beat meunmercifully every day. Oh! she was a perfect fury. The doctor himselfwas the most ugly of all mortals, and I the most wretched creatureexisting, to be continually beaten for a man whom I did not love.Youare sensible, sir, how dangerous it was for an ill–natured woman to bemarried to a physician. Incensed at the behavior of his wife, he one daygave her so affectionate a remedy for a slight cold she had caught that
she died in less than two hours in most dreadful convulsions. Her
relations prosecuted the husband, who was obliged to fly, and I wassent to prison. My innocence would not have saved me, if I had not
76 V OLTAIRE
been tolerably handsome. The judge gave me my liberty on condition
he should succeed the doctor.
The Illusion of Happiness
Paquette reveals her tragic history, including how she escaped a murderous physician only to be forced into a life of prostitution and abuse.
Despite her public appearance of gaiety, Paquette describes the misery of her profession and the constant threat of poverty and ill-treatment.
Friar Giroflee confesses his deep resentment for the monastic life, having been forced into the order solely to preserve his elder brother's inheritance.
The Friar describes the monastery as a place of jealousy and discord, where he is robbed of his small earnings by his superiors.
Candide attempts to buy happiness for the pair with large gifts of money, despite Martin’s cynical prediction that the wealth will only lead to more wretchedness.
I have been tempted a thousand times to set fire to the monastery and go and turn Turk.
dangerous it was for an ill–natured woman to bemarried to a physician. Incensed at the behavior of his wife, he one daygave her so affectionate a remedy for a slight cold she had caught that
she died in less than two hours in most dreadful convulsions. Her
relations prosecuted the husband, who was obliged to fly, and I wassent to prison. My innocence would not have saved me, if I had not
76 V OLTAIRE
been tolerably handsome. The judge gave me my liberty on condition
he should succeed the doctor. However, I was soon supplanted by arival, turned off without a farthing, and obliged to continue theabominable trade which you men think so pleasing, but which to usunhappy creatures is the most dreadful of all sufferings. At length I
came to follow the business at Venice. Ah!sir, did you but know what it
is to be obliged to receive every visitor; old tradesmen, counselors,monks, watermen, and abbes; to be exposed to all their insolence andabuse; to be often necessitated to borrow a pe tticoat, only that it may be
taken up by some disagreeable wretch; to be robbed by one gallant ofwhat we get from another; to be subject to the extortions of civilmagistrates; and to have forever before one’s eyes the prospect of oldage, a hospital, or a dunghill, you would conclude that I am one of themost unhappy wretches breathing.”
Thus did Pacquette unbosom herself to honest Candide in his
closet, in the presence of Martin, who took occasion to say to him,“You see I have half won the wager already.”
Friar Giroflee was all this time in the parlor refreshing himself
with a glass or two of wine till dinner was ready.
“But,” said Candide to Pacquette, “you looked so gay and
contented, when I met you, you sang and caressed the Theatin with somuch fondness, that I absolutely thought you as happy as you say youare now miserable.”
“Ah! dear sir,” said Pacquette, “this is one of the miseries of the
trade; yesterday I was stripped and beaten by an officer; yet today Imust appear good humored and gay to please a friar.”
Candide was convinced and acknowledged that Martin was in the
right.They sat down to table with Pacquette and the Theatin; the
entertainment was agreeable, and towards the end they began to
converse together with some freedom.
“Father,” said Candide to the friar, “you seem to me to enjoy a
state of happiness that even kings might envy; joy and health arepainted in your countenance. You have a pretty wench to divert you;and you seem to be perfectly well contented with your condition as aTheatin.”
“Faith, sir,” said Friar Giroflee, “I wish with all my soul the
Theatins were every one of them at the bottom of the sea. I have beentempted a thousand times to set fire to the monastery and go and turnTurk. My parents obliged me, at the age of fifteen, to put on thisdetestable habit only to increase the fortune of an elder brother of mine,
whom God confound! jealousy, discord, and fury, reside in our
monastery. It is true I have preached often paltry sermons, by which Ihave got a little money, part of which the prior robs me of, and the
Candide 77
remainder helps to pay my girls; but, not withstanding, at night, when I
go hence to my monastery, I am ready to dash my brains against thewalls of the dormitory; and this is the case with all the rest of ourfraternity.”
Martin, turning towards Candide, with his usual indifference, said,
“Well, what think you now? have I won the wager entirely?”
Candide gave two thousand piastres to Pacquette, and a thousand
to Friar Giroflee, saying, “I will answer that this will make themhappy.”
“I am not of your opinion,” said Martin, “perhaps this money will
only make them wretched.”
“Be that as it may,” said Candide, “one thing comforts me; I see
that one often meets with those whom one never expected to see again;so that, perhaps, as I have found my red sheep and Pacquette, I may belucky enough to find Miss Cunegund also.”
“I wish,” said Martin, “she one day may make you happy; but I
doubt it much.
The Wealth of Discontent
Candide hopes that reuniting with old acquaintances signals he will find Cunegund, though Martin remains deeply skeptical of such luck.
Martin observes that misery is a universal constant, asserting that even the most seemingly happy individuals face hidden chagrins.
The travelers visit Senator Pococurante, a wealthy man whose refined lifestyle and extensive art collection are meant to represent peak happiness.
Pococurante reveals himself to be profoundly bored, critiquing high art and fine music as tiresome burdens rather than sources of joy.
I have what is called a fine collection, but I take no manner of delight in it.
a thousand
to Friar Giroflee, saying, “I will answer that this will make themhappy.”
“I am not of your opinion,” said Martin, “perhaps this money will
only make them wretched.”
“Be that as it may,” said Candide, “one thing comforts me; I see
that one often meets with those whom one never expected to see again;so that, perhaps, as I have found my red sheep and Pacquette, I may belucky enough to find Miss Cunegund also.”
“I wish,” said Martin, “she one day may make you happy; but I
doubt it much.”
“You lack faith,” said Candide.
“It is because,” said Martin, “I have seen the world.”“Observe those gondoliers,” said Candide, “are they not
perpetually singing?”
“You do not see them,” answered Martin, “at home with their
wives and brats. The doge has his chagrin, gondolierstheirs.Nevertheless, in the main, I look upon the gondolier’s life aspreferable to that of the doge; but the difference is so trifling that it isnot worth the trouble of examining into.”
“I have heard great talk,” said Candide, “of the Senator
Pococurante, who lives in that fine house at the Brenta, where, they
say, he entertains foreigners in the most polite manner.”
“They pretend this man is a perfect stranger to uneasiness. I should
be glad to see so extraordinary a being,” said Martin.
Candide thereupon sent a messenger to Seignor Pococurante,
desiring permission to wait on him the next day.
78CHAPTER 25
Candide and Martin Pay a Visit to Seignor Pococurante,
a Noble Venetian
Candide and his friend Martin went in a gondola on the Brenta,
and arrived at the palace of the noble Pococurante. The gardens werelaid out in elegant taste, and adorned with fine marble statues; hispalace was built after the most approved rules of architecture. The
master of the house, who was a man of affairs, and very rich, received
our two travelers with great politeness, but without much ceremony,which somewhat disconcerted Candide, but was not at all displeasing toMartin.
As soon as they were seated, two very pretty girls, neatly dressed,
brought in chocolate, which was extremely well prepared.Candidecould not help praising their beauty and graceful carriage.
“The creatures are all right,” said the senator; “I amuse myself with
them sometimes, for I am heartily tired of the women of the town, theircoquetry, their jealousy, their quarrels, their humors, their meannesses,their pride, and their folly; I am weary of making sonnets, or of payingfor sonnets to be made on them; but after all, these two girls begin to
grow very indifferent to me.”
After having refreshed himself, Candide walked into a large
gallery, where he was struck with the sight of a fine collection ofpaintings.
“Pray,” said Candide, “by what master are the two first of these?”“They are by Raphael,” answered the senator. “I gave a great deal
of money for them seven years ago, purely out of curiosity, as theywere said to be the finest pieces in Italy; but I cannot say they pleaseme: the coloring is dark and heavy; the figures do not swell nor comeout enough; and the drapery is bad. In short, notwithstanding theencomiums lavished upon them, they are not, in my opinion, a true
representation of nature. I approve of no paintings save those wherein I
think I behold nature itself; and there are few, if any, of that kind to bemet with. I have what is called a fine collection, but I take no manner ofdelight in it.”
While dinner was being prepared Pococurante ordered a
concert.Candide praised the music to the skies.
Candide 79
“This noise,” said the noble Venetian, “may amuse one for a little
time, but if it were to last above half an hour, it would grow tiresome toeverybody, though perhaps no one would care to own it.Music hasbecome the art of executing what is difficult; now, whatever is difficultcannot be long pleasing.
Pococurante's Persistent Boredom
Lord Pococurante argues that modern music and opera have become tedious exercises in technical difficulty rather than genuine entertainment.
He rejects the traditional reverence for Homer, labeling the epic poems as insipid, repetitive, and essentially useless antiques kept only for curiosity.
The senator dissects Virgil’s Aeneid, dismissing its characters as flat and disagreeable while expressing a slight preference for Tasso or Ariosto.
Despite finding some utility in Horace’s maxims, Pococurante remains largely unimpressed by the poet's personal vanity and low subject matter.
Music has become the art of executing what is difficult; now, whatever is difficult cannot be long pleasing.
with. I have what is called a fine collection, but I take no manner ofdelight in it.”
While dinner was being prepared Pococurante ordered a
concert.Candide praised the music to the skies.
Candide 79
“This noise,” said the noble Venetian, “may amuse one for a little
time, but if it were to last above half an hour, it would grow tiresome toeverybody, though perhaps no one would care to own it.Music hasbecome the art of executing what is difficult; now, whatever is difficultcannot be long pleasing.
“I believe I might take more pleasure in an opera, if they had not
made such a monster of that species of dramatic entertainment asperfectly shocks me; and I am amazed how people can bear to seewretched tragedies set to music; where the scenes are contrived for noother purpose than to lug in, as it were by the ears, three or fourridiculous songs, to give a favorite actress an opportunity of exhibitingher pipe. Let who will die away in raptures at the trills of a eunuchquavering the majestic part of Caesar or Cato, and strutting in a foolishmanner upon the stage, but for my part I have long ago renounced thesepaltry entertainments, which constitute the glory of modern Italy, andare so dearly purchased by crowned heads.”
Candide opposed these sentiments; but he did it in a discreet
manner; as for Martin, he was entirely of the old senator’s opinion.
Dinner being served they sat down to table, and, after a hearty
repast, returned to the library. Candide, observing Homer richly bound,commended the noble Venetian’s taste.
“This,” said he, “is a book that was once the delight of the great
Pangloss, the best philosopher in Germany.”
“Homer is no favorite of mine,” answered Pococurante, coolly, “I
was made to believe once that I took a pleasure in reading him; but hiscontinual repetitions of battles have all such a resemblance with eachother; his gods that are forever in haste and bustle, without ever doinganything; his Helen, who is the cause of the war, and yet hardly acts in
the whole performance; his Troy, that holds out so long, without being
taken: in short, all these things together make the poem very insipid tome. I have asked some learned men, whether they are not in reality asmuch tired as myself with reading this poet: those who spokeingenuously, assured me that he had made them fall asleep, and yet thatthey could not well avoid giving him a place in their libraries; but thatit was merely as they would do an antique, or those rusty medals whichare kept only for curiosity, and are of no manner of use in commerce.”
“But your excellency does not surely form the same opinion of
Virgil?” said Candide.
“Why, I grant,” replied Pococurante, “that the second, third, fourth,
and sixth books of his Aeneid, are excellent; but as for his pious
Aeneas, his strong Cloanthus, his friendly Achates, his boy Ascanius,
his silly king Latinus, his ill–bred Amata, his insipid Lavinia, and someother characters much in the same strain, I think there cannot in nature
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be anything more flat and disagreeable. I must confess I prefer Tasso
far beyond him; nay, even that sleepy taleteller Ariosto.”
“May I take the liberty to ask if you do not experience great
pleasure from reading Horace?” said Candide.
“There are maxims in this writer,” replied Pococurante, “whence a
man of the world may reap some benefit; and the short measure of the
verse makes them more easily to be retained in the memory. But I seenothing extraordinary in his journey to Brundusium, and his account ofhis had dinner; nor in his dirty, low quarrel between one Rupillius,whose words, as he expresses it, were full of poisonous filth; andanother, whose language was dipped in vinegar. His indelicate versesagainst old women and witches have frequently given me great offense:nor can I discover the great merit of his telling his friend Maecenas,that if he will but rank him in the class of lyric poets, his lofty headshall touch the stars.
Pococurante's Intellectual Disdain
Senator Pococurante rejects the prestige of classical authors like Horace and Cicero, insisting that one should read only for personal pleasure rather than academic reputation.
He dismisses thousands of scientific memoirs and dramatic plays as useless rubbish that lacks both practical application and genuine artistic merit.
While praising the freedom of the English nation, the senator laments that their literature is often compromised by the destructive spirit of political party.
The senator delivers a scathing condemnation of John Milton’s Paradise Lost, viewing it as a tedious and barbaric work that offends his sense of delicacy.
Throughout Italy we write only what we do not think; and the present inhabitants of the country of the Caesars and Antonines dare not acquire a single idea without the permission of a Dominican father.
ng extraordinary in his journey to Brundusium, and his account ofhis had dinner; nor in his dirty, low quarrel between one Rupillius,whose words, as he expresses it, were full of poisonous filth; andanother, whose language was dipped in vinegar. His indelicate versesagainst old women and witches have frequently given me great offense:nor can I discover the great merit of his telling his friend Maecenas,that if he will but rank him in the class of lyric poets, his lofty headshall touch the stars. Ignorant readers are apt to judge a writer by hisreputation. For my part, I read only to please myself. I like nothing butwhat makes for my purpose.”
Candide, who had been brought up with a notion of never making
use of his own judgment, was astonished at what he heard; but Martinfound there was a good deal of reason in the senator’s remarks.
“Oh! here is a Tully,” said Candide; “this great man I fancy you
are never tired of reading?”
“Indeed I never read him at all,” replied Pococurante. “What is it to
me whether he pleads for Rabirius or Cluentius? I try causes enoughmyself. I had once some liking for his philosophical works; but when Ifound he doubted everything, I thought I knew as much as himself, andhad no need of a guide to learn ignorance.”
“Ha!” cried Martin, “here are fourscore volumes of the memoirs of
the Academy of Sciences; perhaps there may be something curious and
valuable in this collection.”
“Yes,” answered Pococurante, “so there might if any one of these
compilers of this rubbish had only invented the art of pin–making; butall these volumes are filled with mere chimerical systems, without onesingle article conductive to real utility.”
“I see a prodigious number of plays,” said Candide, “in Italian,
Spanish, and French.”
“Yes,” replied the Venetian, “there are I think three thousand, and
not three dozen of them good for anything. As to those huge volumesof divinity, and those enormous collections of sermons, they are not alltogether worth one single page in Seneca; and I fancy you will readily
believe that neither myself, nor anyone else, ever looks into them.”
Martin, perceiving some shelves filled with English books, said to
the senator, “I fancy that a republican must be highly delighted with
Candide 81
those books, which are most of them written with a noble spirit of
freedom.”
“It is noble to write as we think,” said Pococurante; “it is the
privilege of humanity. Throughout Italy we write only what we do notthink; and the present inhabitants of the country of the Caesars and
Antonines dare not acquire a single idea without the permission of a
Dominican father. I should be enamored of the spirit of the Englishnation, did it not utterly frustrate the good effects it would produce bypassion and the spirit of party.”
Candide, seeing a Milton, asked the senator if he did not think that
author a great man.
“Who?” said Pococurante sharply; “that barbarian who writes a
tedious commentary in ten books of rumbling verse, on the first chapterof Genesis? that slovenly imitator of the Greeks, who disfigures thecreation, by making the Messiah take a pair of compasses fromHeaven’s armory to plan the world; whereas Moses represented theDiety as producing the whole universe by his fiat? Can I think you have
any esteem for a writer who has spoiled Tasso’s Hell and the Devil;
who transforms Lucifer sometimes into a toad, and at others into apygmy; who makes him say the same thing over again a hundred times;who metamorphoses him into a school–divine; and who, by an absurdlyserious imitation of Ariosto’s comic invention of firearms, representsthe devils and angels cannonading each other in Heaven? Neither I norany other Italian can possibly take pleasure in such melancholyreveries; but the marriage of Sin and Death, and snakes issuing fromthe womb of the former, are enough to make any person sick that is notlost to all sense of delicacy.
The Misery of Perfection
Lord Pococurante expresses deep disdain for Milton’s Paradise Lost, dismissing it as an obscene and disagreeable work that lacks true delicacy.
Candide mistakes the nobleman’s constant dissatisfaction for a sign of superior genius, believing that being above everything is the ultimate form of happiness.
Martin argues that Pococurante’s inability to find pleasure is a defect rather than a virtue, comparing him to a person with a sickly stomach that rejects all food.
The travelers are unexpectedly reunited with Cacambo, who appears as a slave and informs Candide that Cunegund is now in Constantinople.
Despite the joy of finding his friend, Candide is urged to maintain secrecy and wait until after supper to learn more about Cacambo’s current master.
“That is,” replied Martin, “there is a pleasure in having no pleasure.”
y; who makes him say the same thing over again a hundred times;who metamorphoses him into a school–divine; and who, by an absurdlyserious imitation of Ariosto’s comic invention of firearms, representsthe devils and angels cannonading each other in Heaven? Neither I norany other Italian can possibly take pleasure in such melancholyreveries; but the marriage of Sin and Death, and snakes issuing fromthe womb of the former, are enough to make any person sick that is notlost to all sense of delicacy. This obscene, whimsical, and disagreeablepoem met with the neglect it deserved at its first publication; and I only
treat the author now as he was treated in his own country by his
contemporaries.”
Candide was sensibly grieved at this speech, as he had a great
respect for Homer, and was fond of Milton.
“Alas!” said he softly to Martin, “I am afraid this man holds our
German poets in great contempt.”
“There would be no such great harm in that,” said Martin.“O what a surprising man!” said Candide, still to himself; “what a
prodigious genius is this Pococurante! nothing can please him.”
After finishing their survey of the library, they went down into the
garden, when Candide commended the several beauties that offeredthemselves to his view.
“I know nothing upon earth laid out in such had taste,” said
Pococurante; “everything about it is childish and trifling; but I shallhave another laid out tomorrow upon a nobler plan.”
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As soon as our two travelers had taken leave of His Excellency,
Candide said to Martin, “Well, I hope you will own that this man is thehappiest of all mortals, for he is above everything he possesses.”
“But do not you see,” answered Martin, “that he likewise dislikes
everything he possesses? It was an observation of Plato, long since, that
those are not the best stomachs that reject, without distinction, all sorts
of aliments.”
“True,” said Candide, “but still there must certainly be a pleasure
in criticising everything, and in perceiving faults where others thinkthey see beauties.”
“That is,” replied Martin, “there is a pleasure in having no
pleasure.”
“Well, well,” said Candide, “I find that I shall be the only happy
man at last, when I am blessed with the sight of my dear Cunegund.”
“It is good to hope,” said Martin.In the meanwhile, days and weeks passed away, and no news of
Cacambo. Candide was so overwhelmed with grief, that he did not
reflect on the behavior of Pacquette and Friar Giroflee, who never
stayed to return him thanks for the presents he had so generously madethem.
83CHAPTER 26
Candide and Martin Sup with Six Sharpers – Who They
Were
One evening as Candide, with his attendant Martin, was going to
sit down to supper with some foreigners who lodged in the same innwhere they had taken up their quarters, a man with a face the color ofsoot came behind him, and taking him by the arm, said, “Hold yourself
in readiness to go along with us; be sure you do not fail.”
Upon this, turning about to see from whom these words came, he
beheld Cacambo. Nothing but the sight of Miss Cunegund could havegiven him greater joy and surprise. He was almost beside himself, andembraced this dear friend.
“Cunegund!” said he, “Cunegund is come with you doubtless!
Where, where is she? Carry me to her this instant, that I may die withjoy in her presence.”
“Cunegund is not here,” answered Cacambo; “she is in
Constantinople.”
“Good heavens! in Constantinople! but no matter if she were in
China, I would fly thither. Quick, quick, dear Cacambo, let us be
gone.”
“Soft and fair,” said Cacambo, “stay till you have supped. I cannot
at present stay to say anything more to you; I am a slave, and mymaster waits for me; I must go and attend him at table: but mum! saynot a word, only get your supper, and hold yourself in readiness.
Carnival of Dethroned Monarchs
Candide unexpectedly reunites with his servant Cacambo in Venice, only to discover that his friend is now enslaved.
While dining during the Carnival, Candide and Martin find themselves sharing a table with six mysterious strangers who are addressed as kings by their servants.
The strangers reveal their identities as deposed monarchs from across Europe and the Ottoman Empire, all seeking refuge in Venice's anonymity.
The stories of the kings highlight a spectrum of political misfortune, ranging from imprisonment in childhood to losing thousands of supporters in bloody rebellions.
The precarious nature of royalty is emphasized by the final monarch, whose servant abandons him because they both face imminent imprisonment for debt.
Despite his own trials, Candide is struck by the surreal irony of six former sovereigns dining together in various states of ruin and exile.
Troth, sir, they will trust Your Majesty no longer, nor myself neither; and we may both of us chance to be sent to jail this very night; and therefore I shall take care of myself, and so adieu.
e withjoy in her presence.”
“Cunegund is not here,” answered Cacambo; “she is in
Constantinople.”
“Good heavens! in Constantinople! but no matter if she were in
China, I would fly thither. Quick, quick, dear Cacambo, let us be
gone.”
“Soft and fair,” said Cacambo, “stay till you have supped. I cannot
at present stay to say anything more to you; I am a slave, and mymaster waits for me; I must go and attend him at table: but mum! saynot a word, only get your supper, and hold yourself in readiness.”
Candide, divided between joy and grief, charmed to have thus met
with his faithful agent again, and surprised to hear he was a slave, hisheart palpitating, his senses confused, but full of the hopes ofrecovering his dear Cunegund, sat down to table with Martin, whobeheld all these scenes with great unconcern, and with six strangers,who had come to spend the Carnival at Venice.
Cacambo waited at table upon one of those strangers. When supper
was nearly over, he drew near to his master, and whispered in his ear:
“Sire, Your Majesty may go when you please; the ship is ready”;
and so saying he left the room.
The guests, surprised at what they had heard, looked at each other
without speaking a word; when another servant drawing near to his
84 V OLTAIRE
master, in like manner said, “Sire, Your Majesty’s post–chaise is at
Padua, and the bark is ready.” The master made him a sign, and heinstantly withdrew.
The company all stared at each other again, and the general
astonishment was increased. A third servant then approached another of
the strangers, and said, “Sire, if Your Majesty will be advised by me,
you will not make any longer stay in this place; I will go and geteverything ready”; and instantly disappeared.
Candide and Martin then took it for granted that this was some of
the diversions of the Carnival, and that these were characters inmasquerade. Then a fourth domestic said to the fourth stranger, “YourMajesty may set off when you please”; saying which, he went awaylike the rest. A fifth valet said the same to a fifth master. But the sixthdomestic spoke in a different style to the person on whom he waited,and who sat near to Candide.
“Troth, sir,” said he, “they will trust Your Majesty no longer, nor
myself neither; and we may both of us chance to be sent to jail this very
night; and therefore I shall take care of myself, and so adieu.”
The servants being all gone, the six strangers, with Candide and
Martin, remained in a profound silence. At length Candide broke it bysaying:
“Gentlemen, this is a very singular joke upon my word; how came
you all to be kings? For my part I own frankly, that neither my friendMartin here, nor myself, have any claim to royalty.”
Cacambo’s master then began, with great gravity, to deliver
himself thus in Italian:
“I am not joking in the least, my name is Achmet III. I was Grand
Sultan for many years; I dethroned my brother, my nephew dethroned
me, my viziers lost their heads, and I am condemned to end my days in
the old seraglio. My nephew, the Grand Sultan Mahomet, gives mepermission to travel sometimes for my health, and I am come to spendthe Carnival at Venice.”
A young man who sat by Achmet, spoke next, and said:“My name is Ivan. I was once Emperor of all the Russians, but was
dethroned in my cradle. My parents were confined, and I was broughtup in a prison, yet I am sometimes allowed to travel, though alwayswith persons to keep a guard over me, and I come to spend the Carnivalat Venice.”
The third said:“I am Charles Edward, King of England; my father has renounced
his right to the throne in my favor. I have fought in defense of my
rights, and near a thousand of my friends have had their hearts takenout of their bodies alive and thrown in their faces. I have myself been
Candide 85
confined in a prison. I am going to Rome to visit the King, my father,
who was dethroned as well as myself; and my grandfather and I havecome to spend the Carnival at Venice.
Six Kings in Venice
A group of six dethroned monarchs gathers at an inn in Venice during the Carnival to share their stories of political downfall and personal misfortune.
Theodore, the elected King of Corsica, describes his extreme poverty, having fallen from a throne to a common jail in London.
Candide surprises the fallen rulers by donating a diamond worth a hundred times their collective charity, raising questions about his identity.
The arrival of four additional deposed Serene Highnesses further underscores the instability of royal power and the frequency of political upheaval.
Reunited with his faithful valet Cacambo, Candide departs for Constantinople, insisting to Martin that Pangloss's optimistic philosophy remains correct.
I was once seated on a throne, and since that have lain upon a truss of straw, in a common jail in London, and I very much fear I shall meet with the same fate here in Venice, where I came, like Your Majesties, to divert myself at the Carnival.
end the Carnivalat Venice.”
The third said:“I am Charles Edward, King of England; my father has renounced
his right to the throne in my favor. I have fought in defense of my
rights, and near a thousand of my friends have had their hearts takenout of their bodies alive and thrown in their faces. I have myself been
Candide 85
confined in a prison. I am going to Rome to visit the King, my father,
who was dethroned as well as myself; and my grandfather and I havecome to spend the Carnival at Venice.”
The fourth spoke thus:“I am the King of Poland; the fortune of war has stripped me of my
hereditary dominions. My father experienced the same vicissitudes of
fate. I resign myself to the will of Providence, in the same manner asSultan Achmet, the Emperor Ivan, and King Charles Edward, whomGod long preserve; and I have come to spend the Carnival at Venice.”
The fifth said:“I am King of Poland also. I have twice lost my kingdom; but
Providence has given me other dominions, where I have done moregood than all the Sarmatian kings put together were ever able to do onthe banks of the Vistula; I resign myself likewise to Providence; andhave come to spend the Carnival at Venice.”
It now came to the sixth monarch’s turn to speak. “Gentlemen,”
said he, “I am not so great a prince as the rest of you, it is true, but I
am, however, a crowned head. I am Theodore, elected King of Corsica.
I have had the title of Majesty, and am now hardly treated withcommon civility. I have coined money, and am not now worth a singleducat. I have had two secretaries, and am now without a valet. I wasonce seated on a throne, and since that have lain upon a truss of straw,in a common jail in London, and I very much fear I shall meet with thesame fate here in Venice, where I came, like Your Majesties, to divertmyself at the Carnival.”
The other five Kings listened to this speech with great attention; it
excited their compassion; each of them made the unhappy Theodore apresent of twenty sequins, and Candide gave him a diamond, worth just
a hundred times that sum.
“Who can this private person be,” said the five Kings to one
another, “who is able to give, and has actually given, a hundred timesas much as any of us?”
Just as they rose from table, in came four Serene Highnesses, who
had also been stripped of their territories by the fortune of war, and hadcome to spend the remainder of the Carnival at Venice. Candide tookno manner of notice of them; for his thoughts were wholly employedon his voyage to Constantinople, where he intended to go in search ofhis lovely Miss Cunegund.
86CHAPTER 27
Candide’s Voyage to Constantinople
The trusty Cacambo had already engaged the captain of the
Turkish ship that was to carry Sultan Achmet back to Constantinople totake Candide and Martin on board. Accordingly they both embarked,after paying their obeisance to his miserable Highness. As they weregoing on board, Candide said to Martin:
“You see we supped in company with six dethroned Kings, and to
one of them I gave charity. Perhaps there may be a great many otherprinces still more unfortunate. For my part I have lost only a hundredsheep, and am now going to fly to the arms of my charming MissCunegund. My dear Martin, I must insist on it, that Pangloss was in theright. All is for the best.”
“I wish it may be,” said Martin.“But this was an odd adventure we met with at Venice. I do not
think there ever was an instance before of six dethroned monarchssupping together at a public inn.”
“This is not more extraordinary,” said Martin, “than most of what
has happened to us. It is a very common thing for kings to be
dethroned; and as for our having the honor to sup with six of them, it is
a mere accident, not deserving our attention.”
As soon as Candide set his foot on board the vessel, he flew to his
old friend and valet Cacambo and, throwing his arms about his neck,embraced him with transports of joy.
“Well,” said he, “what news of Miss Cunegund? Does she still
continue the paragon of beauty?
The Fate of Cunegund
Candide reunites with his valet Cacambo, only to discover that Cunegund has lost her beauty and is now a slave.
Cacambo explains that the fortune Candide sent was lost to the corruption of a governor and the violence of pirates.
Candide remains committed to rescuing Cunegund, asserting that his honor obliges him to love her regardless of her appearance.
Martin challenges the group's perspective, suggesting that the world is filled with millions whose suffering exceeds that of kings.
On a galley ship, Candide identifies two miserable slaves who remarkably resemble the supposedly deceased Pangloss and the Baron.
Miss Cunegund washes dishes on the banks of the Propontis, in the house of a prince who has very few to wash.
more extraordinary,” said Martin, “than most of what
has happened to us. It is a very common thing for kings to be
dethroned; and as for our having the honor to sup with six of them, it is
a mere accident, not deserving our attention.”
As soon as Candide set his foot on board the vessel, he flew to his
old friend and valet Cacambo and, throwing his arms about his neck,embraced him with transports of joy.
“Well,” said he, “what news of Miss Cunegund? Does she still
continue the paragon of beauty? Does she love me still? How does shedo? You have, doubtless, purchased a superb palace for her atConstantinople.”
“My dear master,” replied Cacambo, “Miss Cunegund washes
dishes on the banks of the Propontis, in the house of a prince who has
very few to wash. She is at present a slave in the family of an ancient
sovereign named Ragotsky, whom the Grand Turk allows three crownsa day to maintain him in his exile; but the most melancholycircumstance of all is, that she is turned horribly ugly.”
“Ugly or handsome,” said Candide, “I am a man of honor and, as
such, am obliged to love her still. But how could she possibly have
Candide 87
been reduced to so abject a condition, when I sent five or six millions to
her by you?”
“Lord bless me,” said Cacambo, “was not I obliged to give two
millions to Seignor Don Fernando d’Ibaraa y Figueora y Mascarenes yLampourdos y Souza, the Governor of Buenos Ayres, for liberty to take
Miss Cunegund away with me? And then did not a brave fellow of a
pirate gallantly strip us of all the rest? And then did not this same piratecarry us with him to Cape Matapan, to Milo, to Nicaria, to Samos, toPetra, to the Dardanelles, to Marmora, to Scutari? Miss Cunegund andthe old woman are now servants to the prince I have told you of; and Imyself am slave to the dethroned Sultan.”
“What a chain of shocking accidents!” exclaimed Candide. “But
after all, I have still some diamonds left, with which I can easilyprocure Miss Cunegund’s liberty. It is a pity though she is grown sougly.”
Then turning to Martin, “What think you, friend,” said he, “whose
condition is most to be pitied, the Emperor Achmet’s, the Emperor
Ivan’s, King Charles Edward’s, or mine?”
“Faith, I cannot resolve your question,” said Martin, “unless I had
been in the breasts of you all.”
“Ah!” cried Candide, “was Pangloss here now, he would have
known, and satisfied me at once.”
“I know not,” said Martin, “in what balance your Pangloss could
have weighed the misfortunes of mankind, and have set a justestimation on their sufferings. All that I pretend to know of the matteris that there are millions of men on the earth, whose conditions are ahundred times more pitiable than those of King Charles Edward, theEmperor Ivan, or Sultan Achmet.”
“Why, that may be,” answered Candide.
In a few days they reached the Bosphorus; and the first thing
Candide did was to pay a high ransom for Cacambo; then, withoutlosing time, he and his companions went on board a galley, in order tosearch for his Cunegund on the banks of the Propontis, notwithstandingshe was grown so ugly.
There were two slaves among the crew of the galley, who rowed
very ill, and to whose bare backs the master of the vessel frequentlyapplied a lash. Candide, from natural sympathy, looked at these twoslaves more attentively than at any of the rest, and drew near them withan eye of pity. Their features, though greatly disfigured, appeared tohim to bear a strong resemblance with those of Pangloss and the
unhappy Baron Jesuit, Miss Cunegund’s brother. This idea affected him
with grief and compassion: he examined them more attentively thanbefore.
88 V OLTAIRE
“In troth,” said he, turning to Martin, “if I had not seen my master
Pangloss fairly hanged, and had not myself been unlucky enough to runthe Baron through the body, I should absolutely think those two rowerswere the men.
Miraculous Galley Reunions
Candide identifies two disfigured galley slaves as his former mentor Pangloss and the Baron, both of whom he believed were dead.
The Turkish captain demands a ransom of fifty thousand sequins, recognizing the high status of his prisoners once their identities are revealed.
Candide quickly sells a diamond for half its worth to secure the funds, highlighting his desperation and the predatory nature of the merchant.
The Baron remains haughty despite his rescue, while Pangloss expresses profound gratitude for his deliverance from slavery.
The group learns that Miss Cunegund is alive but living in degradation as a scullery maid for a Transylvanian prince.
Is this My Lord the Baron, whom I killed? and that my master Pangloss, whom I saw hanged before my face?
ity. Their features, though greatly disfigured, appeared tohim to bear a strong resemblance with those of Pangloss and the
unhappy Baron Jesuit, Miss Cunegund’s brother. This idea affected him
with grief and compassion: he examined them more attentively thanbefore.
88 V OLTAIRE
“In troth,” said he, turning to Martin, “if I had not seen my master
Pangloss fairly hanged, and had not myself been unlucky enough to runthe Baron through the body, I should absolutely think those two rowerswere the men.”
No sooner had Candide uttered the names of the Baron and
Pangloss, than the two slaves gave a great cry, ceased rowing, and let
fall their oars out of their hands. The master of the vessel, seeing this,ran up to them, and redoubled the discipline of the lash.
“Hold, hold,” cried Candide, “I will give you what money you
shall ask for these two persons.”
“Good heavens! it is Candide,” said one of the men.“Candide!” cried the other.“Do I dream,” said Candide, “or am I awake? Am I actually on
board this galley? Is this My Lord the Baron, whom I killed? and thatmy master Pangloss, whom I saw hanged before my face?”
“It is I! it is I!” cried they both together.“What! is this your great philosopher?” said Martin.
“My dear sir,” said Candide to the master of the galley, “how much
do you ask for the ransom of the Baron of Thunder–ten–tronckh, who isone of the first barons of the empire, and of Monsieur Pangloss, themost profound metaphysician in Germany?”
“Why, then, Christian cur,” replied the Turkish captain, “since
these two dogs of Christian slaves are barons and metaphysicians, whono doubt are of high rank in their own country, thou shalt give me fiftythousand sequins.”
“You shall have them, sir; carry me back as quick as thought to
Constantinople, and you shall receive the money immediately –
No!carry me first to Miss Cunegund.”
The captain, upon Candide’s first proposal, had already tacked
about, and he made the crew ply their oars so effectually, that the vesselflew through the water, quicker than a bird cleaves the air.
Candide bestowed a thousand embraces on the Baron and
Pangloss. “And so then, my dear Baron, I did not kill you? and you, mydear Pangloss, are come to life again after your hanging? But how cameyou slaves on board a Turkish galley?”
“And is it true that my dear sister is in this country?” said the
Baron.
“Yes,” said Cacambo.“And do I once again behold my dear Candide?” said Pangloss.Candide presented Martin and Cacambo to them; they embraced
each other, and all spoke together. The galley flew like lightning, and
soon they were got back to port. Candide instantly sent for a Jew, towhom he sold for fifty thousand sequins a diamond richly worth one
Candide 89
hundred thousand, though the fellow swore to him all the time by
Father Abraham that he gave him the most he could possibly afford.Heno sooner got the money into his hands, than he paid it down for theransom of the Baron and Pangloss. The latter flung himself at the feetof his deliverer, and bathed him with his tears; the former thanked him
with a gracious nod, and promised to return him the money the first
opportunity.
“But is it possible,” said he, “that my sister should be in Turkey?”“Nothing is more possible,” answered Cacambo, “for she scours
the dishes in the house of a Transylvanian prince.”
Candide sent directly for two Jews, and sold more diamonds to
them; and then he set out with his companions in another galley, todeliver Miss Cunegund from slavery.
90CHAPTER 28
What Befell Candide, Cunegund, Pangloss, Martin, etc.
Pardon,” said Candide to the Baron; “once more let me entreat
your pardon, Reverend Father, for running you through the body.”
“Say no more about it,” replied the Baron. “I was a little too hasty I
must own; but as you seem to be desirous to know by what accident Icame to be a slave on board the galley where you saw me, I will inform
you.
Miraculous Survivals and Misfortunes
The Baron recounts surviving Candide's sword wound and his subsequent imprisonment in Buenos Ayres before becoming a chaplain in Constantinople.
A cultural misunderstanding during a bath resulted in the Baron being sentenced to one hundred blows and sent to the galleys.
Pangloss reveals he survived his hanging because a wet rope prevented the noose from tightening, leading a surgeon to mistake him for dead.
Pangloss was inadvertently revived by the surgeon’s first incision, causing the terrified doctor to flee and allowing Pangloss to be rescued.
Both characters describe the absurd sequence of events and service roles that ultimately reunited them with Candide in Turkey.
The executioner was a subdeacon, and knew how to burn people very well, but as for hanging, he was a novice at it, being quite out of practice; the cord being wet, and not slipping properly, the noose did not join.
then he set out with his companions in another galley, todeliver Miss Cunegund from slavery.
90CHAPTER 28
What Befell Candide, Cunegund, Pangloss, Martin, etc.
Pardon,” said Candide to the Baron; “once more let me entreat
your pardon, Reverend Father, for running you through the body.”
“Say no more about it,” replied the Baron. “I was a little too hasty I
must own; but as you seem to be desirous to know by what accident Icame to be a slave on board the galley where you saw me, I will inform
you. After I had been cured of the wound you gave me, by the College
apothecary, I was attacked and carried off by a party of Spanish troops,who clapped me in prison in Buenos Ayres, at the very time my sisterwas setting out from there. I asked leave to return to Rome, to thegeneral of my Order, who appointed me chaplain to the FrenchAmbassador at Constantinople. I had not been a week in my newoffice, when I happened to meet one evening a young Icoglan,extremely handsome and well–made. The weather was very hot; theyoung man had an inclination to bathe. I took the opportunity to bathelikewise. I did not know it was a crime for a Christian to be foundnaked in company with a young Turk. A cadi ordered me to receive ahundred blows on the soles of my feet, and sent me to the galleys. I do
not believe that there was ever an act of more flagrant injustice. But I
would fain know how my sister came to be a scullion to aTransylvanian prince, who has taken refuge among the Turks?”
“But how happens it that I behold you again, my dear Pangloss?”
said Candide.
“It is true,” answered Pangloss, “you saw me hanged, though I
ought properly to have been burned; but you may remember, that itrained extremely hard when they were going to roast me. The stormwas so violent that they found it impossible to light the fire; so theyhanged me because they could do no better. A surgeon purchased mybody, carried it home, and prepared to dissect me. He began by making
a crucial incision from my navel to the clavicle. It is impossible for
anyone to have been more lamely hanged than I had been.Theexecutioner was a subdeacon, and knew how to burn people very well,but as for hanging, he was a novice at it, being quite out of practice; thecord being wet, and not slipping properly, the noose did not join. Inshort, I still continued to breathe; the crucial incision made me scream
Candide 91
to such a degree, that my surgeon fell flat upon his back; and imagining
it was the Devil he was dissecting, ran away, and in his fright tumbleddown stairs. His wife hearing the noise, flew from the next room, andseeing me stretched upon the table with my crucial incision, was stillmore terrified than her husband, and fell upon him. When they had a
little recovered themselves, I heard her say to her husband, ‘My dear,
how could you think of dissecting a heretic? Don’t you know that theDevil is always in them? I’ll run directly to a priest to come and drivethe evil spirit out.’ I trembled from head to foot at hearing her talk inthis manner, and exerted what little strength I had left to cry out, ‘Havemercy on me!’ At length the Portuguese barber took courage, sewed upmy wound, and his wife nursed me; and I was upon my legs in afortnight’s time. The barber got me a place to be lackey to a Knight ofMalta, who was going to Venice; but finding my master had no moneyto pay me my wages, I entered into the service of a Venetian merchantand went with him to Constantinople.
“One day I happened to enter a mosque, where I saw no one but an
old man and a very pretty young female devotee, who was telling her
beads; her neck was quite bare, and in her bosom she had a beautifulnosegay of tulips, roses, anemones, ranunculuses, hyacinths, andauriculas; she let fall her nosegay. I ran immediately to take it up, andpresented it to her with a most respectful bow.
Ugly Truths and Stubborn Pride
Pangloss recounts how a small act of courtesy in a mosque led to his arrest and sentencing to the galleys alongside the Baron.
Despite his immense suffering, Pangloss admits he maintains his optimistic philosophy primarily because as a professional philosopher he cannot publicly retract his views.
Upon finding Cunegund, Candide is horrified to discover that her trials have left her physically withered, ugly, and unrecognizable.
Though Candide’s romantic feelings have faded, he feels obligated to marry Cunegund because she insists upon the fulfillment of his previous promise.
The Baron remains inflexibly proud and forbids Candide from marrying his sister because Candide lacks the necessary noble rank to join their family.
Even the tender Candide, that affectionate lover, upon seeing his fair Cunegund all sunburned, with bleary eyes, a withered neck, wrinkled face and arms, all covered with a red scurf, started back with horror.
no moneyto pay me my wages, I entered into the service of a Venetian merchantand went with him to Constantinople.
“One day I happened to enter a mosque, where I saw no one but an
old man and a very pretty young female devotee, who was telling her
beads; her neck was quite bare, and in her bosom she had a beautifulnosegay of tulips, roses, anemones, ranunculuses, hyacinths, andauriculas; she let fall her nosegay. I ran immediately to take it up, andpresented it to her with a most respectful bow. I was so long indelivering it that the man began to be angry; and, perceiving I was aChristian, he cried out for help; they carried me before the cadi, whoordered me to receive one hundred bastinadoes, and sent me to thegalleys. I was chained in the very galley and to the very same benchwith the Baron. On board this galley there were four young menbelonging to Marseilles, five Neapolitan priests, and two monks of
Corfu, who told us that the like adventures happened every day. The
Baron pretended that he had been worse used than myself; and Iinsisted that there was far less harm in taking up a nosegay, and puttingit into a woman’s bosom, than to be found stark naked with a youngIcoglan. We were continually whipped, and received twenty lashes aday with a heavy thong, when the concatenation of sublunary eventsbrought you on board our galley to ransom us from slavery.”
“Well, my dear Pangloss,” said Candide to him, “when You were
hanged, dissected, whipped, and tugging at the oar, did you continue tothink that everything in this world happens for the best?”
“I have always abided by my first opinion,” answered Pangloss;
“for, after all, I am a philosopher, and it would not become me to
retract my sentiments; especially as Leibnitz could not be in the wrong:
and that preestablished harmony is the finest thing in the world, as wellas a plenum and the materia subtilis.”
92CHAPTER 29
In What Manner Candide Found Miss Cunegund and the
Old Woman Again
While Candide, the Baron, Pangloss, Martin, and Cacambo, were
relating their several adventures, and reasoning on the contingent ornoncontingent events of this world; on causes and effects; on moral andphysical evil; on free will and n ecessity; and on the consolation that
may be felt by a person when a slave and chained to an oar in a Turkish
galley, they arrived at the house of the Transylvanian prince on theshores of the Propontis. The first objects they beheld there, were MissCunegund and the old woman, who were hanging some tablecloths on aline to dry.
The Baron turned pale at the sight. Even the tender Candide, that
affectionate lover, upon seeing his fair Cunegund all sunburned, withbleary eyes, a withered neck, wrinkled face and arms, all covered witha red scurf, started back with horror; but, not withstanding, recoveringhimself, he advanced towards her out of good manners. She embracedCandide and her brother; they embraced the old woman, and Candideransomed them both.
There was a small farm in the neighborhood which the old woman
proposed to Candide to make shift with till the company should meetwith a more favorable destiny. Cunegund, not knowing that she wasgrown ugly, as no one had informed her of it, reminded Candide of hispromise in so peremptory a manner, that the simple lad did not dare torefuse her; he then acquainted the Baron that he was going to marry hissister.
“I will never suffer,” said the Baron, “my sister to be guilty of an
action so derogatory to her birth and family; nor will I bear thisinsolence on your part. No, I never will be reproached that my nephewsare not qualified for the first ecclesiastical dignities in Germany; nor
shall a sister of mine ever be the wife of any person below the rank of
Baron of the Empire.”
Cunegund flung herself at her brother’s feet, and bedewed them
with her tears; but he still continued inflexible.
The Burden of Idleness
Despite Candide's sacrifices, the Baron remains stubbornly opposed to his sister marrying someone of lower social rank.
The group decides to rid themselves of the Baron's pride by tricking him and sending him back to Rome.
The long-awaited peaceful life on a small farm proves to be miserable, as the characters face poverty, physical decay, and constant bickering.
Martin observes that humans seem destined to live either in the convulsions of distress or in the lethargy of boredom.
The old woman poses a profound question: whether the acute horrors of their past are worse than the soul-crushing tedium of their present existence.
I would be glad to know which is worst, to be ravished a hundred times by Negro pirates, to have one buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet among the Bulgarians... or to remain here doing nothing?
rry hissister.
“I will never suffer,” said the Baron, “my sister to be guilty of an
action so derogatory to her birth and family; nor will I bear thisinsolence on your part. No, I never will be reproached that my nephewsare not qualified for the first ecclesiastical dignities in Germany; nor
shall a sister of mine ever be the wife of any person below the rank of
Baron of the Empire.”
Cunegund flung herself at her brother’s feet, and bedewed them
with her tears; but he still continued inflexible.
“Thou foolish fellow, said Candide, “have I not delivered thee
from the galleys, paid thy ransom, and thy sister’s, too, who was a
Candide 93
scullion, and is very ugly, and yet condescend to marry her? and shalt
thou pretend to oppose the match! If I were to listen only to the dictatesof my anger, I should kill thee again.”
“Thou mayest kill me again,” said the Baron; “but thou shalt not
marry my sister while I am living.”
94CHAPTER 30
Conclusion
Candide had, in truth, no great inclination to marry Miss
Cunegund; but the extreme impertinence of the Baron determined himto conclude the match; and Cunegund pressed him so warmly, that hecould not recant. He consulted Pangloss, Martin, and the faithfulCacambo. Pangloss composed a fine memorial, by which he proved
that the Baron had no right over his sister; and that she might,
according to all the laws of the Empire, marry Candide with the lefthand. Martin concluded to throw the Baron into the sea; Cacambodecided that he must be delivered to the Turkish captain and sent to thegalleys; after which he should be conveyed by the first ship to theFather General at Rome. This advice was found to be good; the oldwoman approved of it, and not a syllable was said to his sister; thebusiness was executed for a little money; and they had the pleasure oftricking a Jesuit, and punishing the pride of a German baron.
It was altogether natural to imagine, that after undergoing so many
disasters, Candide, married to his mistress and living with thephilosopher Pangloss, the philosopher Martin, the prudent Cacambo,
and the old woman, having besides brought home so many diamonds
from the country of the ancient Incas, would lead the most agreeablelife in the world. But he had been so robbed by the Jews, that he hadnothing left but his little farm; his wife, every day growing more andmore ugly, became headstrong and insupportable; the old woman wasinfirm, and more ill–natured yet than Cunegund. Cacambo, whoworked in the garden, and carried the produce of it to sell inConstantinople, was above his labor, and cursed his fate. Panglossdespaired of making a figure in any of the German universities. And asto Martin, he was firmly persuaded that a person is equally ill–situatedeverywhere.He took things with patience.
Candide, Martin, and Pangloss disputed sometimes about
metaphysics and morality. Boats were often seen passing under thewindows of the farm laden with effendis, bashaws, and cadis, that weregoing into banishment to Lemnos, Mytilene and Erzerum. And othercadis, bashaws, and effendis were seen coming back to succeed theplace of the exiles, and were driven out in their turns. They saw several
Candide 95
heads curiously stuck upon poles, and carried as presents to the
Sublime Porte. Such sights gave occasion to frequent dissertations; andwhen no disputes were in progress, the irksomeness was so excessivethat the old woman ventured one day to tell them:
“I would be glad to know which is worst, to be ravished a hundred
times by Negro pirates, to have one buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet
among the Bulgarians, to be whipped and hanged at an auto–da–fe, tobe dissected, to be chained to an oar in a galley; and, in short, toexperience all the miseries through which every one of us hath passed,or to remain here doing nothing?”
“This,” said Candide, “is a grand question.
Convulsions of Disquiet
The old woman poses a philosophical dilemma: is it worse to suffer extreme physical agony or to endure the crushing boredom of idleness?
Martin concludes that humanity is doomed to fluctuate between the extremes of active misery and the lethargy of doing nothing.
The arrival of Pacquette and Brother Giroflee confirms that wealth failed to provide them with lasting peace or happiness.
A famous dervish rejects their questions about evil and purpose, suggesting that the divine is indifferent to human suffering.
The group learns of violent political executions in the city, underscoring the lethal risks associated with power and public status.
When His Highness sends a ship to Egypt does he trouble his head whether the rats in the vessel are at their ease or not?
irksomeness was so excessivethat the old woman ventured one day to tell them:
“I would be glad to know which is worst, to be ravished a hundred
times by Negro pirates, to have one buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet
among the Bulgarians, to be whipped and hanged at an auto–da–fe, tobe dissected, to be chained to an oar in a galley; and, in short, toexperience all the miseries through which every one of us hath passed,or to remain here doing nothing?”
“This,” said Candide, “is a grand question.”This discourse gave birth to new reflections, and Martin especially
concluded that man was born to live in the convulsions of disquiet, orin the lethargy of idleness. Though Candide did not absolutely agree tothis, yet he did not determine anything on that head. Pangloss avowedthat he had undergone dreadful sufferings; but having once maintainedthat everything went on as well as possible, he still maintained it, and at
the same time believed nothing of it.
There was one thing which more than ever confirmed Martin in his
detestable principles, made Candide hesitate, and embarrassedPangloss, which was the arrival of Pacquette and Brother Giroflee oneday at their farm. This couple had been in the utmost distress; they hadvery speedily made away with their three thousand piastres; they hadparted, been reconciled; quarreled again, been thrown into prison; hadmade their escape, and at last Brother Giroflee had turned Turk.Pacquette still continued to follow her trade; but she got little ornothing by it.
“I foresaw very well,” said Martin to Candide “that your presents
would soon be squandered, and only make them more miserable. You
and Cacambo have spent millions of piastres, and yet you are not morehappy than Brother Giroflee and Pacquette.”
“Ah!” said Pangloss to Pacquette, “it is Heaven that has brought
you here among us, my poor child! Do you know that you have cost methe tip of my nose, one eye, and one ear? What a handsome shape ishere!and what is this world!”
This new adventure engaged them more deeply than ever in
philosophical disputations.
In the neighborhood lived a famous dervish who passed for the
best philosopher in Turkey; they went to consult him: Pangloss, whowas their spokesman, addressed him thus:
“Master, we come to entreat you to tell us why so strange an
animal as man has been formed?”
96 V OLTAIRE
“Why do you trouble your head about it?” said the dervish; “is it
any business of yours?”
“But, Reverend Father,” said Candide, “there is a horrible deal of
evil on the earth.”
“What signifies it,” said the dervish, “whether there is evil or
good? When His Highness sends a ship to Egypt does he trouble his
head whether the rats in the vessel are at their ease or not?”
“What must then be done?” said Pangloss.“Be silent,” answered the dervish.“I flattered myself,” replied Pangloss, “to have reasoned a little
with you on the causes and effects, on the best of possible worlds, theorigin of evil, the nature of the soul, and a pre–established harmony.”
At these words the dervish shut the door in their faces.During this conversation, news was spread abroad that two viziers
of the bench and the mufti had just been strangled at Constantinople,and several of their friends impaled. This catastrophe made a greatnoise for some hours. Pangloss, Candide, and Martin, as they were
returning to the little farm, met with a good–looking old man, who was
taking the air at his door, under an alcove formed of the boughs oforange trees. Pangloss, who was as inquisitive as he was disputative,asked him what was the name of the mufti who was lately strangled.
“I cannot tell,” answered the good old man; “I never knew the
name of any mufti, or vizier breathing.
Cultivating Our Garden
Candide and his companions meet an old Turk who remains indifferent to the political violence of Constantinople by focusing on his personal labor.
The old man teaches that honest work protects humans from the three great evils of idleness, vice, and want.
The group abandons high-minded philosophical debates to pursue practical tasks, finding humble fulfillment in crafts like baking, sewing, and carpentry.
Despite Pangloss's continued attempts to rationalize their past misery as part of a perfect plan, Candide insists on the practical necessity of maintaining their world.
“Excellently observed,” answered Candide; “but let us cultivate our garden.”
ral of their friends impaled. This catastrophe made a greatnoise for some hours. Pangloss, Candide, and Martin, as they were
returning to the little farm, met with a good–looking old man, who was
taking the air at his door, under an alcove formed of the boughs oforange trees. Pangloss, who was as inquisitive as he was disputative,asked him what was the name of the mufti who was lately strangled.
“I cannot tell,” answered the good old man; “I never knew the
name of any mufti, or vizier breathing. I am entirely ignorant of theevent you speak of; I presume that in general such as are concerned inpublic affairs sometimes come to a miserable end; and that they deserveit: but I never inquire what is doing at Constantinople; I am contentedwith sending thither the produce of my garden, which I cultivate withmy own hands.”
After saying these words, he invited the strangers to come into his
house. His two daughters and two sons presented them with divers sortsof sherbet of their own making; besides caymac, heightened with thepeels of candied citrons, oranges, lemons, pineapples, pistachio nuts,and Mocha coffee unadulterated with the bad coffee of Batavia or theAmerican islands. After which the two daughters of this goodMussulman perfumed the beards of Candide, Pangloss, and Martin.
“You must certainly have a vast estate,” said Candide to the Turk.“I have no more than twenty acres of ground,” he replied, “the
whole of which I cultivate myself with the help of my children; and ourlabor keeps off from us three great evils – idleness, vice, and want.”
Candide, as he was returning home, made profound reflections on
the Turk’s discourse.
Candide 97
“This good old man,” said he to Pangloss and Martin, “appears to
me to have chosen for himself a lot much preferable to that of the sixKings with whom we had the honor to sup.”
“Human grandeur,” said Pangloss, “is very dangerous, if we
believe the testimonies of almost all philosophers; for we find Eglon,
King of Moab, was assassinated by Aod; Absalom was hanged by the
hair of his head, and run through with three darts; King Nadab, son ofJeroboam, was slain by Baaza; King Ela by Zimri; Okosias by Jehu;Athaliah by Jehoiada; the Kings Jehooiakim, Jeconiah, and Zedekiah,were led into captivity: I need not tell you what was the fate of Croesus,Astyages, Darius, Dionysius of Syracuse, Pyrrhus, Perseus, Hannibal,Jugurtha, Ariovistus, Caesar, Pompey, Nero, Otho, Vitellius, Domitian,Richard II of England, Edward II, Henry VI, Richard Ill, Mary Stuart,Charles I, the three Henrys of France, and the Emperor Henry IV.”
“Neither need you tell me,” said Candide, “that we must take care
of our garden.”
“You are in the right,” said Pangloss; “for when man was put into
the garden of Eden, it was with an intent to dress it; and this proves that
man was not born to be idle.”
“Work then without disputing,” said Martin; “it is the only way to
render life supportable.”
The little society, one and all, entered into this laudable design and
set themselves to exert their different talents. The little piece of groundyielded them a plentiful crop. Cunegund indeed was very ugly, but shebecame an excellent hand at pastrywork: Pacquette embroidered; theold woman had the care of the linen. There was none, down to BrotherGiroflee, but did some service; he was a very good carpenter, andbecame an honest man. Pangloss used now and then to say to Candide:
“There is a concatenation of all events in the best of possible
worlds; for, in short, had you not been kicked out of a fine castle for thelove of Miss Cunegund; had you not been put into the Inquisition; hadyou not traveled over America on foot; had you not run the Baronthrough the body; and had you not lost all your sheep, which youbrought from the good country of El Dorado, you would not have beenhere to eat preserved citrons and pistachio nuts.”
“Excellently observed,” answered Candide; “but let us cultivate
our garden.”
–– THE END ––
98
Cultivating the Garden
Pangloss recounts the long string of misfortunes Candide faced, including the Inquisition and the loss of his El Dorado sheep.
The philosopher argues that these hardships were necessary components of a causal chain leading to their current state.
Candide finally moves beyond philosophical debate by prioritizing practical action over metaphysical rationalization.
The narrative concludes with the group settled in a modest existence, eating simple foods like citrons and pistachio nuts.
The final sentiment suggests that human happiness is best found through focused work and the maintenance of one's own immediate environment.
“Excellently observed,” answered Candide; “but let us cultivate our garden.”
d you not been kicked out of a fine castle for thelove of Miss Cunegund; had you not been put into the Inquisition; hadyou not traveled over America on foot; had you not run the Baronthrough the body; and had you not lost all your sheep, which youbrought from the good country of El Dorado, you would not have beenhere to eat preserved citrons and pistachio nuts.”
“Excellently observed,” answered Candide; “but let us cultivate
our garden.”
–– THE END ––
98