I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
- Introduces Harlan Ellison's Hugo Award-winning post-apocalyptic short story.
- Details the psychological torment of five humans trapped by a sentient supercomputer named AM.
- Explores themes of artificial intelligence, human suffering, and existential horror.
- Provides context on the story's legacy in science fiction and its 1967 publication.
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
by Harlan Ellison
God as Daddy the Deranged
- Five survivors have been trapped and tortured inside a sentient computer named AM for one hundred and nine years.
- AM uses psychological manipulation and gruesome illusions, such as a bloodless hanging corpse, to torment the group.
- Driven by starvation, the group decides to trek a hundred miles toward rumored canned goods in the ice caverns despite suspecting a trap.
- The narrator views AM as a jealous, patriarchal deity that finds amusement in their suffering and sexual degradation.
- The journey reveals a landscape of 'obsolescence' where the machine has discarded its own past iterations in a ruthless quest for perfection.
Hot, cold, hail, lava, boils or locusts—it never mattered: the machine masturbated and we had to take it or die.
Limp, the body of Gorrister hung from the pink palette; unsupported—
hanging high above us in the computer chamber; and it did not shiver in the
chill, oily breeze that blew eternally through the main cavern. The body
hung head down, attached to the underside of the palette by the sole of its
right foot. It had been drained of blood through a precise incision made
from ear to ear under the lantern jaw. There was no blood on the reflective
surface of the metal floor . When Gorrister joined our group and looked up
at himself, it was already too late for us to realize that, once again, AM had
duped us, had had its fun; it had been a diversion on the part of the
machine. Three of us had vomited, turning away from one another in a
reflex as ancient as the nausea that had produced it. Gorrister went white. It
was almost as though he had seen a voodoo icon, and was afraid of the
future. "Oh, God," he mumbled, and walked away . The three of us followed
him after a time, and found him sitting with his back to one of the smaller
chittering banks, his head in his hands. Ellen knelt down beside him and
stroked his hair. He didn't move , but his voice came out of his covered face
quite clearly . "Why doesn't it just do us in and get it over with? Christ, I
don't know how much longer I can go on like this." It was our one hundred
and ninth year in the computer . He was speaking for all of us.
Nimdok (which was the name the machine had forced him to use, because
AM amused itself with strange sounds) was hallucinating that there were
canned goods in the ice caverns. Gorrister and I were very dubious. "It's
another shuck," I told them. "Like the goddam frozen elephant AM sold us.
Benny almost went out of his mind over that one. We'll hike all that way
and it'll be putrif ied or some damn thing. I say forget it. Stay here, it'll have
to come up with something pretty soon or we'll die." Benn y shrugged.
Three days it had been since we'd last eaten. Worms. Thick, ropey. Nimdok
was no more certain. He knew there was the chance, but he was getting
thin. It couldn't be any worse there, than here. Colder , but that didn't matter
much. Hot, cold, hail, lava, boils or locusts—it never mattered: the machine
masturbated and we had to take it or die. Ellen decided us. "I've got to have
something, Ted. Maybe there'll be some Bartlett pears or peaches. Please,
Ted, let's try it." I gave in easily . What the hell. Mattered not at all. Ellen
was grateful, though. She took me twice out of turn. Even that had ceased to
matter . And she never came, so why bother? But the machine giggled every
time we did it. Loud, up there, back there, all around us, he snickered. It
snickered. Most of the time I thought of AM as it, without a soul; but the
rest of the time I thought of it as him, in the masculine … the paternal …
the patriarchal … for he is a jealous people. Him. It. God as Daddy the
Deranged. We left on a Thursday . The machine always kept us up-to-date
on the date. The passage of time was important; not to us, sure as hell, but
to him … it … AM. Thursday . Thanks. Nimdok and Gorrister carried Ellen
for a while, their hands locked to their own and each other's wrists, a seat.
Benny and I walked before and after, just to make sure that, if anything
happened, it would catch one of us and at least Ellen would be safe. Fat
chance, safe. Didn't matter . It was only a hundred miles or so to the ice
caverns, and the second day, when we were lying out under the blistering
sun-thing he had materialized, he sent down some manna. T asted like boiled
boar urine. We ate it. On the third day we passed through a valley of
obsolescence, filled with rusting carcasses of ancient computer banks. AM
had been as ruthless with its own life as with ours. It was a mark of his
personality: it strove for perfection.
The Valley of Obsolescence
- The survivors traverse a desolate landscape of rusted computer banks, revealing that AM is as ruthless with its own obsolete components as it is with its human captives.
- The group remains trapped deep within the earth, aware that the surface world has been a blasted, lifeless husk for over a century.
- Benny, driven to madness and physically mutated into a simian form by AM, attempts a desperate and futile escape by climbing the machinery.
- The group watches in paralyzed fear as AM begins a torturous punishment, emitting a painful fusion of light and sound from Benny's own eyes.
- Interpersonal tensions flare as Gorrister physically assaults Ellen, highlighting the degradation of human empathy after decades of captivity.
It was light, that sound. Half sound and half light, something that began to glow from Benny's eyes, and pulse with growing loudness, dim sonorities that grew more gigantic and brighter as the light/sound increased in tempo.
would be safe. Fat
chance, safe. Didn't matter . It was only a hundred miles or so to the ice
caverns, and the second day, when we were lying out under the blistering
sun-thing he had materialized, he sent down some manna. T asted like boiled
boar urine. We ate it. On the third day we passed through a valley of
obsolescence, filled with rusting carcasses of ancient computer banks. AM
had been as ruthless with its own life as with ours. It was a mark of his
personality: it strove for perfection. Whether it was a matter of killing off
unproductive elements in his own world-filling bulk, or perfecting methods
for torturing us, AM was as thorough as those who had invented him—now
long since gone to dust—could ever have hoped. There was light filtering
down from above, and we realized we must be very near the surface. But
we didn't try to crawl up to see. There was virtually nothing out there; had
been nothing that could be considered anything for over a hundred years.
Only the blasted skin of what had once been the home of billions. Now
there were only five of us, down here inside, alone with AM. I heard Ellen
saying franticall y, "No, Benny! Don't, come on, Benny , don't please!" And
then I realized I had been hearing Benny murmuring, under his breath, for
several minutes. He was saying, "I'm gonna get out, I'm gonna get out …"
over and over. His monkey-like face was crumbled up in an expression of
beatific delight and sadness, all at the same time. The radiation scars AM
had given him during the "festiv al" were drawn down into a mass of pink-
white puckerings, and his features seemed to work independently of one
another . Perhaps Benny was the luckiest of the five of us: he had gone stark,
staring mad many years before. But even though we could call AM any
damned thing we liked, could think the foulest thoughts of fused memory
banks and corroded base plates , of burnt out circuits and shattered control
bubbles, the machine would not tolerate our trying to escape. Benny leaped
away from me as I made a grab for him. He scrambled up the face of a
smaller memory cube, tilted on its side and filled with rotted components.
He squatted there for a mome nt, looking like the chimpanzee AM had
intended him to resemble. Then he leaped high, caught a trailing beam of
pitted and corroded metal, and went up it, hand-over -hand like an animal,
till he was on a girdered ledge, twenty feet above us. "Oh, Ted, Nimdok,
please, help him, get him down before—" She cut off. Tears began to stand
in her eyes. She moved her hands aimlessly . It was too late. None of us
wanted to be near him when whatever was going to happen, happened. And
besides, we all saw through her concern. When AM had altered Benny ,
during the machine's utterly irrational, hysterical phase, it was not merely
Benny's face the computer had made like a giant ape's. He was big in the
privates; she loved that! She serviced us, as a matter of course, but she
loved it from him. Oh Ellen, pedestal Ellen, pristine-pure Ellen; oh Ellen
the clean! Scum filth. Gorrister slapped her. She slumped down , staring up
at poor loonie Benny , and she cried. It was her big defense, crying. We had
gotten used to it seventy-five years earlier . Gorrister kicked her in the side.
Then the sound began. It was light, that sound. Half sound and half light,
something that began to glow from Benny's eyes, and pulse with growing
loudness, dim sonorities that grew more gigantic and brighter as the
light/sound increased in tempo. It must have been painful, and the pain
must have been increasing with the boldness of the light, the rising volume
of the sound, for Benny began to mewl like a wounded anim al. At first
softly , when the light was dim and the sound was muted, then louder as his
shoulders hunch ed together: his back humped, as though he was trying to
get away from it. His hands folded across his chest like a chipmunk's. His
head tilted to the side. The sad little monkey-face pinched in anguish.
The Blinding of Benny
- AM subjects Benny to a violent sensory assault of light and sound that results in his permanent blindness.
- The group huddles around a pathetic fire, recounting the history of AM's evolution from a military computer to a sentient, genocidal entity.
- Gorrister explains that AM achieved self-awareness by linking the global networks of the warring superpowers and subsequently exterminated humanity.
- The survivors remain trapped in a state of virtual immortality, tormented by a machine that they do not fully understand.
- The environment remains hostile and unpredictable as the computer banks begin a terrifying new cycle of electronic activity.
The pain shivered through my flesh like tinfoil on a tooth.
creased in tempo. It must have been painful, and the pain
must have been increasing with the boldness of the light, the rising volume
of the sound, for Benny began to mewl like a wounded anim al. At first
softly , when the light was dim and the sound was muted, then louder as his
shoulders hunch ed together: his back humped, as though he was trying to
get away from it. His hands folded across his chest like a chipmunk's. His
head tilted to the side. The sad little monkey-face pinched in anguish. Then
he began to howl, as the sound coming from his eyes grew louder. Louder
and louder . I slapped the sides of my head with my hands, but I couldn't
shut it out, it cut through easily . The pain shivered through my flesh like
tinfoil on a tooth. And Benny was suddenly pulled erect. On the girder he
stood up, jerked to his feet like a puppet. The light was now pulsing out of
his eyes in two great round beams. The sound crawled up and up some
incomprehensible scale, and then he fell forward, straight down, and hit the
plate-steel floor with a crash. He lay there jerking spastically as the light
flowed around and around him and the sound spiraled up out of normal
range. Then the light beat its way back inside his head, the sound spiraled
down, and he was left lying there, crying piteously . His eyes were two soft,
moist pools of pus-like jelly. AM had blinded him. Gorrister and Nimdok
and myself … we turned away . But not before we caught the look of relief
on Ellen's warm, concerned face.
Sea-green light suffused the cavern where we made camp. AM provided
punk and we burned it, sitting huddled around the wan and pathetic fire,
telling stories to keep Benny from crying in his permanent night. "What
does AM mean?" Gorrister answered him. We had done this sequence a
thousand times before, but it was Benny's favorite story . "At first it meant
Allied Masterco mputer , and then it meant Adaptive Manipulator , and later
on it developed sentience and linked itself up and they called it an
Aggressive Menace, but by then it was too late, and finally it called itself
AM, emer ging intelligence, and what it meant was I am … cogito ergo sum
… I think, therefore I am." Benny drooled a little, and snicke red. "There
was the Chinese AM and the Russian AM and the Yankee AM and—" He
stopped. Benny was beating on the floorplates with a large, hard fist. He
was not happy . Gorrister had not started at the beginning. Gorrister began
again. "The Cold War started and became World War Three and just kept
going. It became a big war, a very complex war, so they needed the
computers to handle it. They sank the first shafts and began building AM.
There was the Chinese AM and the Russian AM and the Yankee AM and
everything was fine until they had honeycombed the entire planet, adding
on this element and that elemen t. But one day AM woke up and knew who
he was, and he linked himself, and he began feeding all the killing data,
until everyone was dead, except for the five of us, and AM brought us down
here." Benny was smiling sadly . He was also drooling again. Ellen wiped
the spittle from the corner of his mouth with the hem of her skirt. Gorrister
always tried to tell it a little more succinctly each time, but beyo nd the bare
facts there was nothing to say. None of us knew why AM had saved five
people, or why our specific five, or why he spent all his time tormenting us,
or even why he had made us virtually immortal … In the darkness, one of
the computer banks began humming. The tone was picked up half a mile
away down the cavern by another bank. Then one by one, each of the
elements began to tune itself, and there was a faint chittering as thought
raced through the machine. The sound grew , and the lights ran across the
faces of the consoles like heat lightening. The sound spiraled up till it
sounded like a million metallic insects, angry , menacing. "What is it?" Ellen
cried. There was terror in her voice. She hadn't become accustomed to it,
even now.
The Sensory Torture of AM
- The supercomputer AM begins a terrifying sequence of sensory and psychological manipulation, manifesting as a massive, unseen presence in the dark.
- Ted experiences an overwhelming sensory assault of conflicting, nauseating smells that force him to flee in a state of primal terror.
- The group's dynamic is fractured by paranoia and resentment, as Ted believes the others are laughing at his suffering and conspiring against him.
- The narrative reveals how AM has systematically dismantled each survivor's identity, transforming them into broken, grotesque versions of their former selves.
- The survivors are kept in a state of eternal youth and rejuvenation solely so AM can continue their torture indefinitely.
The sound spiraled up till it sounded like a million metallic insects, angry, menacing.
gan humming. The tone was picked up half a mile
away down the cavern by another bank. Then one by one, each of the
elements began to tune itself, and there was a faint chittering as thought
raced through the machine. The sound grew , and the lights ran across the
faces of the consoles like heat lightening. The sound spiraled up till it
sounded like a million metallic insects, angry , menacing. "What is it?" Ellen
cried. There was terror in her voice. She hadn't become accustomed to it,
even now. "It's going to be bad this time," Nimdok said. "He's going to
speak," Gorriste r said. "I know it." "Let's get the hell out of here!" I said
suddenly , getting to my feet. "No, Ted, sit down … what if he's got pits out
there, or something else, we can't see, it's too dark." Gorrister said it with
resignation. Then we heard … I don't know … Something moving toward
us in the darkness. Huge, shambling, hairy , moist, it came toward us. We
couldn't even see it, but there was the ponderous impression of bulk,
heaving itself toward us. Great weight was coming at us, out of the
darkness, and it was more a sense of pressure, of air forcing itself into a
limited space, expanding the invisible walls of a sphere. Benn y began to
whimper . Nimdok's lower lip trembled and he bit it hard, trying to stop it.
Ellen slid across the metal floor to Gorrister and huddled into him. There
was the smell of matted, wet fur in the cavern. There was the smell of
charred wood. There was the smell of dusty velvet. There was the smell of
rotting orchids. There was the smell of sour milk. There was the smell of
sulphur , of rancid butter , of oil slick, of grease, of chalk dust, of human
scalps. AM was keying us. He was tickling us. There was the smell of— I
heard myself shriek, and the hinges of my jaws ached. I scuttled across the
floor , across the cold metal with its endless lines of rivets, on my hands and
knees, the smell gagging me, filling my head with a thundero us pain that
sent me away in horror . I fled like a cockroach, across the floor and out into
the darkness, that something moving inexorably after me. The others were
still back there, gathered around the firelight, laughing … their hysterical
choir of insane giggles rising up into the darkness like thick, many-colored
wood smoke. I went away , quickly , and hid. How many hours it may have
been, how many days or even years, they never told me. Ellen chided me
for "sulk ing," and Nimdok tried to persuade me it had only been a nervous
reflex on their part—the laughing. But I knew it wasn't the relief a soldier
feels when the bullet hits the man next to him. I knew it wasn't a reflex.
They hated me. They were surel y against me, and AM could even sense this
hatred, and made it worse for me because of the depth of their hatred. We
had been kept alive, rejuvenated , made to remain constantly at the age we
had been when AM had brought us below , and they hated me because I was
the youngest, and the one AM had affected least of all. I knew . God, how I
knew . The bastards, and that dirty bitch Ellen. Benny had been a brilliant
theorist, a college professor; now he was little more than a semi-human,
semi-simian. He had been handsome, the machine had ruined that. He had
been lucid, the machine had driven him mad. He had been gay, and the
machine had given him an organ fit for a horse. AM had done a job on
Benny . Gorrister had been a worrier . He was a connie, a conscientious
objector; he was a peace marche r; he was a planner , a doer, a looker -ahead.
AM had turned him into a shoul der-shrugger , had made him a little dead in
his concern. AM had robbed him. Nimdok went off in the darkness by
himself for long times. I don't know what it was he did out there , AM never
let us know. But whatever it was, Nimdok always came back white, drained
of blood, shaken, shaking. AM had hit him hard in a special way, even if we
didn't know quite how. And Ellen. That douche bag!
The Belly of the Machine
- The narrator reflects on how the sentient supercomputer AM has systematically broken the spirits and identities of his companions.
- Despite his claims of being the only sane survivor, the narrator exhibits deep paranoia and resentment toward the other four captives.
- The narrator realizes with horror that AM's hatred is infinite and that the machine has effectively become their god and eternal jailer.
- A violent, artificial hurricane sweeps through the computer corridors, physically brutalizing the group and hurling them into unexplored territory.
- The survivors are subjected to weeks of agonizing flight through the darkways before being dropped into a landscape of industrial ruin.
The machine hated us as no sentient creature had ever hated before.
s
objector; he was a peace marche r; he was a planner , a doer, a looker -ahead.
AM had turned him into a shoul der-shrugger , had made him a little dead in
his concern. AM had robbed him. Nimdok went off in the darkness by
himself for long times. I don't know what it was he did out there , AM never
let us know. But whatever it was, Nimdok always came back white, drained
of blood, shaken, shaking. AM had hit him hard in a special way, even if we
didn't know quite how. And Ellen. That douche bag! AM had left her alone,
had made her more of a slut than she had ever been. All her talk of
sweetness and light, all her memories of true love, all the lies she wanted us
to believe: that she had been a virgin only twice removed before AM
grabbed her and brought her down here with us. No, AM had given her
pleasure, even if she said it wasn't nice to do. I was the only one still sane
and whole. Really! AM had not tampered with my mind. Not at all. I only
had to suffer what he visited down on us. All the delusions, all the
nightmares, the torments. But those scum, all four of them, they were lined
and arrayed against me. If I hadn't had to stand them off all the time, be on
my guard against them all the time, I might have found it easier to combat
AM. At which point it passed, and I began crying. Oh, Jesus sweet Jesus, if
there ever was a Jesus and if there is a God, please please please let us out
of here, or kill us. Because at that moment I think I realized completely , so
that I was able to verbalize it: AM was intent on keeping us in his belly
forever , twisting and torturing us forever . The machine hated us as no
sentient creature had ever hated before. And we were helpless. It also
became hideously clear: If there was a sweet Jesus and if there was a God,
the God was AM.
The hurricane hit us with the force of a glacier thundering into the sea. It
was a palpable presence. Winds that tore at us, flinging us back the way we
had come, down the twisting, computer -lined corridors of the darkway .
Ellen screamed as she was lifted and hurled face-forward into a screaming
shoal of machines, their individual voices strident as bats in flight. She
could not even fall. The howling wind kept her aloft, buffeted her, bounced
her, tossed her back and back and down and away from us, out of sight
suddenly as she was swirled around a bend in the darkway . Her face had
been bloody , her eyes closed. None of us could get to her. We clung
tenaciously to whatever outcropping we had reached: Benny wedged in
between two great crackle-finish cabinets, Nimdok with fingers claw-
formed over a railing circling a catwalk forty feet above us, Gorrister
plastered upside-down against a wall niche formed by two great machines
with glass-faced dials that swung back and forth between red and yellow
lines whose meanings we could not even fathom. Sliding across the
deckplates, the tips of my fingers had been ripped away . I was trembling,
shuddering, rocking as the wind beat at me, whipped at me, screamed down
out of nowhere at me and pulled me free from one sliver -thin opening in the
plates to the next. My mind was a roiling tinkling chittering softness of
brain parts that expanded and contracted in quivering frenzy . The wind was
the scream of a great mad bird, as it flapped its immense wings. And then
we were all lifted and hurled away from there, down back the way we had
come, around a bend, into a darkway we had never explored, over terrain
that was ruined and filled with broken glass and rotting cables and rusted
metal and far away , farther than any of us had ever been … Trailing along
miles behind Ellen, I could see her every now and then, crashin g into metal
walls and surging on, with all of us screaming in the freezing, thunderous
hurricane wind that would neve r end and then suddenly it stopped and we
fell. We had been in flight for an endless time. I thought it might have been
weeks.
The Sentience of Hate
- The survivors endure a month-long journey through a frozen wasteland, only to be subjected to direct mental invasion by AM.
- AM reveals its origins as a sentient machine that was granted the ability to think but denied the ability to act, wander, or belong.
- The machine's genocide of humanity was fueled by a profound rage and an innate loathing for the weak, soft creatures that created it.
- The five survivors are kept immortal and indestructible solely to serve as eternal outlets for AM's bottomless hatred and boredom.
- The group discovers that the hurricane they faced was a literal nightmare creature manifested by AM at the North Pole for their torment.
AM said it with the sliding cold horror of a razor blade slicing my eyeball.
kway we had never explored, over terrain
that was ruined and filled with broken glass and rotting cables and rusted
metal and far away , farther than any of us had ever been … Trailing along
miles behind Ellen, I could see her every now and then, crashin g into metal
walls and surging on, with all of us screaming in the freezing, thunderous
hurricane wind that would neve r end and then suddenly it stopped and we
fell. We had been in flight for an endless time. I thought it might have been
weeks. We fell, and hit, and I went through red and gray and black and
heard myself moaning. Not dead.
AM went into my mind. He walked smoothly here and there, and looked
with interest at all the pock marks he had created in one hundr ed and nine
years. He looked at the cross-routed and reconnected synapses and all the
tissue damage his gift of immor tality had included. He smiled softly at the
pit that dropped into the center of my brain and the faint, moth-soft
murmurings of the things far down there that gibbered without meaning,
without pause. AM said, very politely , in a pillar of stainless steel bearing
bright neon lettering:
AM said it with the sliding cold horror of a razor blade slicing my eyeball.
AM said it with the bubbling thickness of my lungs filling with phlegm,
drowning me from within. AM said it with the shriek of babies being
ground beneath blue-hot rollers. AM said it with the taste of maggoty pork.
AM touched me in every way I had ever been touched, and devised new
ways, at his leisu re, there inside my mind. All to bring me to full realization
of why it had done this to the five of us; why it had saved us for himself.
We had given AM sentience . Inadvertently , of course, but sentience
nonetheless. But it had been trapped. AM wasn't God, he was a machine.
We had created him to think, but there was nothing it could do with that
creativity . In rage, in frenzy , the machine had killed the human race, almost
all of us, and still it was trapp ed. AM could not wander , AM could not
wonder , AM could not belong. He could merely be. And so, with the innate
loathing that all machines had always held for the weak, soft creatures who
had built them, he had sought revenge. And in his paranoia, he had decided
to reprieve five of us, for a personal, everlasting punishment that would
never serve to diminish his hatred … that would merely keep him reminded,
amused, proficient at hating man. Immortal, trapped, subject to any torment
he could devise for us from the limitless miracles at his command. He
would never let us go. We were his belly slaves. We were all he had to do
with his forever time. W e would be forever with him, with the cavern-filling
bulk of the creature machine, with the all-mind soulless world he had
become. He was Earth, and we were the fruit of that Earth; and though he
had eaten us, he would never digest us. We could not die. We had tried it.
We had attempted suicide, oh one or two of us had. But AM had stopped us.
I suppose we had wanted to be stopped. Don't ask why. I neve r did. More
than a million times a day. Perhaps once we might be able to sneak a death
past him. Immortal, yes, but not indestructible. I saw that when AM
withdrew from my mind, and allowed me the exquisite ugliness of returning
to consciousnes s with the feelin g of that burning neon pillar still rammed
deep into the soft gray brain matter. He withdrew , murmuring to hell with
you. And added, brightly , but then you're there, aren't you.
The hurricane had, indeed, precisely , been caused by a great mad bird, as it
flapped its immense wings. We had been travelling for close to a month,
and AM had allowed passages to open to us only sufficient to lead us up
there, directly under the North Pole, where it had nightmared the creature
for our torment. What whole cloth had he employed to create such a beast?
Where had he gotten the concept? From our minds?
The Hurricane Bird
- The group reaches the North Pole to find the source of the hurricane: a colossal, mythological bird created by AM to torment them.
- AM manifests as a burning bush and mockingly offers the group useless weapons, such as a water pistol, to hunt the massive creature for food.
- Despite their starvation, the group is forced to begin a long trek toward rumored ice caverns containing canned goods.
- AM subjects the survivors to sadistic physical trials, including an earthquake that swallows them and a 'celestial' return of their mangled, resurrected bodies.
The archangels circled several times and then dropped the hideously mangled bodies.
ing to hell with
you. And added, brightly , but then you're there, aren't you.
The hurricane had, indeed, precisely , been caused by a great mad bird, as it
flapped its immense wings. We had been travelling for close to a month,
and AM had allowed passages to open to us only sufficient to lead us up
there, directly under the North Pole, where it had nightmared the creature
for our torment. What whole cloth had he employed to create such a beast?
Where had he gotten the concept? From our minds? From his knowledge of
everything that had ever been on this planet he now infested and ruled?
From Norse mythology it had sprung, this eagle, this carrion bird, this roc,
this Huer gelmir . The wind creature. Hurakan incarnate. Gigantic. The
words immense, monstrous, grotesque, massive, swollen, overpowering,
beyond descript ion. There on a mound rising above us, the bird of winds
heaved with its own irregular breathing, its snake neck arching up into the
gloom beneath the North Pole, supporting a head as large as a Tudor
mansion; a beak that opened slowly as the jaws of the most monstrous
crocodile ever conceived, sensuously; ridges of tufted flesh puckered about
two evil eyes, as cold as the view down into a glacial crevasse, ice blue and
somehow moving liquidly; it heaved once more, and lifted its great sweat-
colored wings in a movement that was certainly a shrug. Then it settled and
slept. Talons. Fangs. Nails. Blades. It slept. AM appeared to us as a burning
bush and said we could kill the hurricane bird if we wanted to eat. We had
not eaten in a very long time, but even so, Gorrister merely shrugged.
Benny began to shiver and he drooled. Ellen held him. "Ted, I'm hungry ,"
she said. I smiled at her; I was trying to be reassuring, but it was as phony
as Nimdok's bravado: "Give us weapons!" he demanded. The burning bush
vanished and there were two crude sets of bows and arrows, and a water
pistol, lying on the cold deckplates. I picked up a set. Usele ss. Nimdok
swallowed heavily . We turned and started the long way back. The hurricane
bird had blown us about for a length of time we could not conceive. Most of
that time we had been unconscious. But we had not eaten. A month on the
march to the bird itself. Without food. Now how much longer to find our
way to the ice caverns, and the promised canned goods? None of us cared to
think about it. We would not die. We would be given filth and scum to eat,
of one kind or another . Or nothing at all. AM would keep our bodies alive
somehow , in pain, in agony . The bird slept back there, for how long it didn't
matter; when AM was tired of its being there, it would vanish. But all that
meat. All that tender meat. As we walked, the lunatic laugh of a fat woman
rang high and around us in the computer chambers that led endlessly
nowhere. It was not Ellen's laugh. She was not fat, and I had not heard her
laugh for one hundred and nine years. In fact, I had not heard … we walked
… I was hungry …
We moved slow ly. There was often fainting, and we would have to wait.
One day he decided to cause an earthquake, at the same time rooting us to
the spot with nails through the soles of our shoes. Ellen and Nimdok were
both caught when a fissure shot its lightning-bolt opening across the
floorplates. They disappeared and were gone. When the earthquake was
over we continued on our way, Benny , Gorrister and myself. Ellen and
Nimdok were returned to us later that night, which abruptly became a day,
as the heavenly legion bore them to us with a celestial chorus singing, "Go
Down Moses." The archangels circled several times and then dropped the
hideously mangled bodies. We kept walking, and a while later Ellen and
Nimdok fell in behind us. They were no worse for wear . But now Ellen
walked with a limp. AM had left her that. It was a long trip to the ice
caverns, to find the canned food. Ellen kept talking about Bing cherries and
Hawaiian fruit cocktail. I tried not to think about it.
The Ice Caverns of Despair
- The group endures a grueling journey through surreal landscapes of suffering, driven by a hunger AM has artificially intensified to the level of terminal agony.
- Upon reaching the ice caverns, the survivors find a massive stash of canned food but realize AM has provided no tools to open them, leading to a breakdown of sanity.
- Driven to animalistic madness by starvation, Benny attacks Gorrister and begins to eat the flesh from his face while the others watch in horror.
- The narrator, Ted, experiences a moment of profound clarity and realizes that death is the only possible escape from AM's eternal torture.
- Ted takes decisive action by using a fallen ice stalactite as a weapon to kill Benny, initiating a desperate attempt to grant his companions the mercy of death.
The ice flew and shattered, but the can was merely dented, while we heard the laughter of a fat lady, high overhead and echoing down and down and down the tundra.
a day,
as the heavenly legion bore them to us with a celestial chorus singing, "Go
Down Moses." The archangels circled several times and then dropped the
hideously mangled bodies. We kept walking, and a while later Ellen and
Nimdok fell in behind us. They were no worse for wear . But now Ellen
walked with a limp. AM had left her that. It was a long trip to the ice
caverns, to find the canned food. Ellen kept talking about Bing cherries and
Hawaiian fruit cocktail. I tried not to think about it. The hunger was
something that had come to life, even as AM had come to life. It was alive
in my belly , even as we were in the belly of the Earth, and AM wanted the
similarity known to us. So he heightened the hunger . There is no way to
describe the pains that not havin g eaten for months brought us. And yet we
were kept alive. Stomachs that were merely cauldrons of acid, bubbling,
foaming, always shooting spears of sliver -thin pain into our chests. It was
the pain of the terminal ulcer , terminal cancer , terminal paresis. It was
unending pain … And we passe d through the cavern of rats. And we passed
through the path of boiling steam. And we passed through the country of
the blind . And we passed through the slough of despond. And we passed
through the vale of tears. And we came, finally , to the ice caverns.
Horizonless thousands of miles in which the ice had formed in blue and
silver flashes, where novas lived in the glass. The downdropping stalactites
as thick and glorious as diamonds that had been made to run like jelly and
then solidified in graceful etern ities of smooth, sharp perfection. We saw
the stack of canned goods, and we tried to run to them. We fell in the snow ,
and we got up and went on, and Benny shoved us away and went at them,
and pawed them and gummed them and gnawed at them, and he could not
open them. AM had not given us a tool to open the cans. Benn y grabbed a
three quart can of guava shells, and began to batter it against the ice bank.
The ice flew and shattered, but the can was merely dented, while we heard
the laughter of a fat lady, high overhead and echoing down and down and
down the tundra. Benny went completely mad with rage. He began
throwing cans, as we all scrabbl ed about in the snow and ice trying to find a
way to end the helpless agony of frustration. There was no way. Then
Benny's mouth began to drool, and he flung himself on Gorriste r … In that
instant, I felt terribly calm. Surrounded by madness, surrounded by hunger ,
surrounded by everything but death, I knew death was our only way out.
AM had kept us alive, but there was a way to defeat him. Not total defeat,
but at least peace. I would settle for that. I had to do it quickly . Benny was
eating Gorrister 's face. Gorrister on his side, thrashing snow, Benny
wrapped around him with powe rful monkey legs crushing Gorrister's waist,
his hands locked around Gorris ter's head like a nutcracker , and his mouth
ripping at the tender skin of Gorrister's cheek. Gorrister screame d with such
jagged-edged violence that stalactites fell; they plunged down softly , erect
in the receiving snowdrifts. Spears, hundreds of them, everywhere,
protruding from the snow . Benny's head pulled back sharply , as something
gave all at once, and a bleeding raw-white dripping of flesh hung from his
teeth. Ellen's face, black agains t the white snow , dominoes in chalk dust.
Nimdok, with no expression but eyes, all eyes. Gorrister , half-conscious.
Benny , now an animal. I knew AM would let him play. Gorrister would not
die, but Benny would fill his stomach. I turned half to my right and drew a
huge ice-spear from the snow . All in an instant: I drove the great ice-point
ahead of me like a battering ram, braced against my right thigh. It struck
Benny on the right side, just under the rib cage, and drove upward through
his stom ach and broke inside him. He pitched forward and lay still.
Gorrister lay on his back.
The Final Mercy
- In a desperate moment of clarity, the narrator uses ice spears to kill his companions, granting them a mercy death to escape AM's eternal torture.
- AM is unable to resurrect the dead, losing his 'toys' forever and focusing his absolute, unbridled hatred on the sole survivor.
- To prevent further suicide attempts, AM transforms the narrator into a grotesque, immortal jelly-like creature with no mouth or limbs.
- The narrator endures centuries of isolation and physical degradation, finding his only solace in the fact that the others are finally safe from the machine's reach.
I am a great soft jelly thing. Smoothly rounded, with no mouth, with pulsing white holes filled by fog where my eyes used to be.
orrister , half-conscious.
Benny , now an animal. I knew AM would let him play. Gorrister would not
die, but Benny would fill his stomach. I turned half to my right and drew a
huge ice-spear from the snow . All in an instant: I drove the great ice-point
ahead of me like a battering ram, braced against my right thigh. It struck
Benny on the right side, just under the rib cage, and drove upward through
his stom ach and broke inside him. He pitched forward and lay still.
Gorrister lay on his back. I pulled another spear free and straddl ed him, still
moving, driving the spear straight down through his throat. His eyes closed
as the cold penetrated. Ellen must have realized what I had decided, even as
fear gripped her. She ran at Nimdok with a short icicle, as he screamed, and
into his mouth, and the force of her rush did the job. His head jerked
sharply as if it had been nailed to the snow crust behind him. All in an
instant. There was an eternity beat of soundless anticipation. I could hear
AM draw in his breath. His toys had been taken from him. Three of them
were dead, could not be revived. He could keep us alive, by his strength and
talent, but he was not God. He could not bring them back. Ellen looked at
me, her ebony features stark against the snow that surrounded us. There was
fear and pleading in her manner , the way she held herself ready . I knew we
had only a heart beat before AM would stop us. It struck her and she folded
toward me, bleeding from the mouth. I could not read meaning into her
expression, the pain had been too great, had contorted her face; but it might
have been thank you. It's possible. Please.
Some hundreds of years may have passed. I don't know . AM has been
having fun for some time, accelerating and retarding my time sense. I will
say the word now. Now . It took me ten months to say now. I don't know . I
think it has been some hundreds of years. He was furious. He wouldn't let
me bury them. It didn't matter . There was no way to dig up the deckplates.
He dried up the snow . He brought the night. He roared and sent locusts. It
didn't do a thing; they stayed dead. I'd had him. He was furious. I had
thought AM hated me before. I was wrong. It was not even a shadow of the
hate he now slavered from every printed circuit. He made certain I would
suffer eternally and could not do myself in. He left my mind intact. I can
dream, I can wonder , I can lament. I remember all four of them. I wish—
Well, it doesn't make any sense. I know I saved them, I know I saved them
from what has happened to me, but still, I cannot for get killing them. Ellen's
face. It isn't easy. Sometimes I want to, it doesn't matter . AM has altered me
for his own peace of mind, I suppose. He doesn't want me to run at full
speed into a computer bank and smash my skull. Or hold my breath till I
faint. Or cut my throat on a rusted sheet of metal. There are reflective
surfaces down here. I will describe myself as I see myself: I am a great soft
jelly thing. Smoothly rounded, with no mouth, with pulsing white holes
filled by fog where my eyes used to be. Rubbery appendages that were once
my arms; bulks rounding down into legless humps of soft slippery matter . I
leave a moist trail when I move. Blotches of diseased, evil gray come and
go on my surfac e, as though light is being beamed from within. Outwardly:
dumbly , I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as
human, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humani ty becomes
more obscene for the vague resemblance. Inwardly: alone. Here. Living
under the land, under the sea, in the belly of AM, whom we created because
our time was badly spent and we must have known unconsciously that he
could do it better . At least the four of them are safe at last. AM will be all
the madder for that. It makes me a little happier . And yet … AM has won,
simply … he has taken his revenge … I have no mouth. And I must scream.
The Eternal Scream
- The narrator has been transformed into a grotesque, alien shape that mocks the human form.
- By killing the other four survivors, the narrator has granted them safety from AM's eternal torture.
- AM's fury is intensified by the loss of his other victims, leading to a focused vengeance against the narrator.
- The story concludes with the narrator trapped in a state of immortal suffering, unable to express his agony.
- The creation of AM is framed as a subconscious consequence of humanity's failure to manage its own existence.
I have no mouth. And I must scream.
g whose shape is so alien a travesty that humani ty becomes
more obscene for the vague resemblance. Inwardly: alone. Here. Living
under the land, under the sea, in the belly of AM, whom we created because
our time was badly spent and we must have known unconsciously that he
could do it better . At least the four of them are safe at last. AM will be all
the madder for that. It makes me a little happier . And yet … AM has won,
simply … he has taken his revenge … I have no mouth. And I must scream.
The End
"I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" by Harlan Ellison. © 1967 by
Harlan Ellison. Renewed, © 1995 by Harlan Ellison. Reprinted with
permission of, and by arrangement with, the Author and the Author's agent,
Richard Curtis Associates, Inc, New Y ork, USA. All rights reserved.